


Under Pressure

by High King Fen (Gizmo)



Series: To days gone by [2]
Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Blow Job, Canon Divergence, Depression, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Self Confidence Issues, Touch-Starved, Wall Sex, margo needs a drink, mental hospital heist, or five, past alice x quentin, the list will grow as chapters goes up, you should read The Golden tile first
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-06-24 04:50:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 48,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15622926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gizmo/pseuds/High%20King%20Fen
Summary: Quentin and Eliot are back from Fillory after five years of doing an impossible puzzle. They have the time key. But things have changed, and so did they.





	1. Prologue

_Dear Margo_

_I am not sure this letter will ever find you because we are going to cast so much fucking spell into hoping that we remember how to do it, but if you read this, it means that we have. So yay us._

_Last time I heard from you, it was from a bunny asking for help. Which I know you don’t do a whole lot so I want to start by saying I am sorry that I couldn’t come to your help. At least not in the way you might need._

_This is a fucking long story, and it is impossible to explain in a letter, but long story short, the clock send Quentin and me back in time, around seventy years before we became High King and High Queen. The quest asks us to do an impossible task, and after years of working on it, Quentin and I had to admit to ourselves that we might never go back home. That our part in the quest was during this time and not yours. And a shit ton of things happen._

_Long story short, a week ago, we found the solution to an impossible puzzle. And now we might have found a way back home, to our timeline and not the past. There are several things we need to do and spell to cast before we leave, as I am writing this, we expect to come back by the end of the month. Which, for you, means nothing because you got this a few hours after me leaving inside the clock. For me, it has been five years. So I guess now I am the oldest one right?_

_I am not sure if you have five years to wait for us to meet or it will be mere moments, but there is only one way to know about it -_

Margo held the letter she read at least a thousand time now, her heart beating fast and trying to keep a calm composure so the other wouldn’t know how devastated she had been reading those lines. Like Eliot had asked, she got Julia and Alice to wait with her in front of that stupid clock, both of them wearing that worried and curious expression. The letter asks for Fen too but she was with Fray at a play, and the girl needed to forget her worries for a while instead of waiting for her husband that might not even arrive.

Still, in her royal dress, Margo looked at the clock handle timing itself precisely one hour after Quentin and Eliot had entered the portal. They would try to come by that time, giving her enough agency to bring the others around. This whole thing was fucking insane.

Alice spoke out loud to no one, and it took the High Queen a moment to understand that Penny was there too, the blonde girl holding the truth key. Julia had filled her on that and other madness she missed while she was forced to marry baby Joffrey Baratheon.

She felt nauseous at the thought, but it quickly washed away when she saw the handle of the clock’s door open. Eliot came out from it, wearing fillorian clothes, his hair longer than usual, relief in his eyes. She had seen this face enough to notice the few lines around his eyes that weren’t there before. She barely registered Quentin getting out as well as she rushed into Eliot's arm and started to sob in his arm. The way he hugged her was so possessive and firm; she felt he was telling her something he would never say out loud; I was so scared of never seeing you again. He hid a sob in her hair.

When the finished their embrace, Margo’s jaw drop as she notices that not only Quentin was back with much longer hair but holding a baby that looks curiously at them. From Julia and Alice expression, this tinny human was the reason they didn’t go to hug him.

‘’Uh... everyone. This is my son Rupert,’’ finally said Quentin, adjusting his grip with a bounce of his hips like he’d done it hundreds of time. ‘’And this is my wife. Arielle. ‘’

A shy blonde girl tried to hide behind him, but Eliot pulled her gently so she could say hi. The silence in the room was more of profound confusion than anything else.

‘’Alright. ‘’ Margo said seeing Julia was frozen in place, pale as a ghost. ‘’ What the fuck?’’


	2. Arielle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first hour of Arielle at the Physical Kid House

Everyone was out in the forest near the school, digging up the body of a woman who played with their lives for years. It was a chilling thought to process but, if Elias held his promise, they would find the key. Arielle still had no idea why her brother volunteered to finish his life in the small cottage. He had dreamed of learning to bake, open his shop and go away from the farmland that was not fit for him. Of course, he didn’t need to go there right away; if Quentin’s calculation were right, Jane wouldn’t search for the key for four decades. But regardless, he had promised that, in his mid-thirties, he would move there and wait until the young queen asked for the time key. It had been a sacrifice he was ready to make, so Eliot and Quentin could go back in their time and continue their quest.

The moment Quentin understood that Jane still needed to come here to get the time key, otherwise none of the time travel, the watcher woman, even their battles against The Beast, would have happened. Creating a paradox so large the consequence on their timeline could be disastrous. At first, Quentin had suggested staying there, with Arielle and Rupert. Eliot could go home to the others and continue the quest. The fight this had sparked had the same intensity than a hurricane. She had always worried of being an accessory for Quentin during his quest and that he would toss her in the trash the moment he succeeded. Him and Eliot talking about going back and never asking her how she felt about it made her feel she had not a saying into the final decision. Arielle had ended up confiding in her youngest brother, being the only one who knew why the boys were in Fillory and why they were doing the impossible puzzle. Elias stunned everyone when he volunteered to be the one who waited for Jane to show up. After that, it hadn’t been a fight for Arielle but more of a cold panic as she realized what her brother was doing for them,and that he assumed that she would have followed them.

Would she?

That night she held Rupert long after he fell asleep and Quentin found her rocking their child on lit lit by the moonlight. They talked, they cried, they kiss, they held their son, they realize there was not even a choice to be made; Rupert and she would follow Quentin and Eliot wherever they would go. It had been a choice they made long ago, and without knowing it. The day they got married, they knew it was to follow the other wherever life took them.

Arielle had chosen to show them the tile Rupert had found when he played in the garden soil, from then on, she knew that meant their quiet life at The Cottage would forever change.

She didn't dare to say goodbye to her family, merely having a last dinner before she left, asking Elias to give them a letter telling them the truth about Eliot and Quentin’s presence in Fillory, of her choice to leave with them, and how she was not sure when or if she will ever come back.. Tears welled up her eyes when she realizes that, time had past and then more. And most likely, all her family was now dead.

‘’Is everything okay?’’ A warm voice asked behind her. ‘’You’re shivering. Are you cold?’’

Arielle looked at Quentin who had changed into Earth clothes. He was wearing those strange, tight pants and a type of shirt she’s never seen before; she had to admit that it flattered him, really showing off the muscle life at The Cottage had given him. She smiled a little when she saw Rupert in his arm. His fillorian clothes next to his dad were such a contrast.

‘’Just taking it all in. ‘’ She said, grabbing Rupert who was extending his arm toward her, clearly wanting his mommy. He was at this age where the moment he saw her, he lost interest in his father. ‘’You look nice. ‘’

Quentin blushed, which made him laugh. They were married for over three years now; he should be able to accept a compliment from her. Maybe it was because he was showing who he was on Earth for the first time. Seeing his nervousness, she kissed him slowly. Rupert decided it was a perfect moment to eat her necklace.

‘’Everything is settled for Rup’ for tonight in my room.’’ He said, pointing out the stair he just came up from.

Thank gods for their bottomless bag, they could carry most of what the baby needed without any problem. Eliot had even undone the crib so they could rebuild it back here. That would explain why Quentin had been away longer than it took for any human to change diapers. ‘

’I ordered some things that will help us, things from Earth I mean.’’ he continued, pacing the room, trying not to look at the door where all his friends left an hour ago. ‘’ And I got you a new scarf to make baby sling, the one you have is starting to get old. Yeah. Uh. They will arrive tomorrow.’’  
‘’You went to a shop? I didn’t see you leave, ‘’ said Arielle, surprised. ‘’That was fast.’’  
‘’Oh no, I uh... ordered remotely.’’  
‘’I thought you said magic was gone now, that you wouldn’t have access to it.’’

Quentin laughed and shook his head, stopping his pacing to kiss her head.

‘’Let’s put internet in your book of questions and things to explain.’’

She nodded, wondering if she would remember when her hand would be free. Probably not. She sat down and put Rupert on the floor, hoping he would work on his crawling. The little boy looks up with his blue eyes, his eyes filling with tears and a pout on his lips, his hand extending to her. She sighed a bit and took him back to her arm where he cooed happily.

‘’ You shouldn’t have given him your eyes, they are irresistible when they look at you that way. ‘’ Laughed Quentin sitting next to her. He was visibly nervous and trying to fill a silence, which was not unusual for him but was uncommon between them.

She never minds the silence his mind requires to think and process significant events.

‘’That puppy eye look comes from you,’’ countered Arielle, joining the small banter. ‘’See, you are making it right now. ‘’

Quentin exaggerated his expression before the couple laughed and kissed, Rupert deciding it was time now to be on his father’s lap, and struggled to keep balance while crawling away. Arielle looked at her husband, playing with their son, wishing there was a way to preserve this exact instant frozen forever.

‘’I’m sorry I have to leave tonight, I didn’t expect us to have to leave so quickly.’’ Quentin finally said, not looking at her.

Ah! There it was. The real reason silence was hard for him: he was feeling anxious and guilty. Arielle smiled, trying to bury down the cold fear in her heart, reminding herself that she had made this choice and it was for the best.

‘’I am a bit scared of being alone, but I understand.’’ She said, deciding not to lie. ‘’If this is the best moment to sneak you both back to the castle without the fairies to see you, you have to do it. ‘’

Quentin finally looked at her, his face filled with guilt. She tried to smile, and it mustn’t have worked because his eyes got sad. Rupert requiring his full attention made him unable to look at her more, and it might have been best. He needed to be distracted so he wouldn’t overthink and start blaming himself for the weight of the world.

‘’We knew the quest would take over your life for a moment Q, it’s alright. You are doing this so everyone can have magic back. So Rupert can live in a world with magic.’’  
‘’You are right. But...’’  
‘’No but, when the others come, if they have the key, you be the hero you always were. I knew I married one when I vowed to be by your side. Just... don’t take five years to come back.’’

This has meant to be a comforting joke, but it was such a deep fear in Arielle’s heart that they both heard it in her tone; she was scared of having him go through that clock again and be sent in the past for another impossible quest. It shouldn’t happen, now that the time key puzzle was solved, but who knew what the future had in store. Especially a future where her husband killed the gods she prayed to so many times.

Seeing her fear, Quentin took her neck and pulled her for a long and heartfelt kiss that said a thousand words he was not able to say; he was afraid too, he loved her so much, he was sorry, he will be back. The sound of the door opening makes them break apart their kiss, and the couple couldn’t help but look at each other with love before looking at who had entered.

‘’ Dada!’’ Rupert said as Eliot entered, followed by Margo, Julia, and Alice.  
‘’We got it.’’ Announced Margo, showing the dirty key in her hand.

Quentin got up and walk over to his friend, looking at the key, Rupert almost jumping in Eliot’s arm. Despite being smaller than Eliot and Quentin, Margo had a stature that made her taller than everyone. Not physically, but her presence was meant to intimidate, and she had a noble way of walking and holding herself. Arielle wondered if she always been like that or it was her new found royal title that made her behave that way.

They all started to talk about the next step to take, but Arielle didn’t really listen. Her focus was on all the faces of names she had heard a thousand times: Alice, Julia, and Margo. Fen was gone for the night, but she would meet her tomorrow, Fray as well. It felt strange to see them in the flesh, and not only protagonists of stories Eliot and Quentin told her. Like the characters of a book coming to life in front of her eyes. Margo had a commanding attitude, while Julia seemed more relaxed and reserved, Alice seemed as anxious as Quentin and kept glancing at Rupert with uneasiness. It took the mother a moment to remember that she was her husband’s ex-girlfriend. Having him come back with a family must be strange and unnerving.

Feeling overwhelmed by the time travel anomalies and the idea that she as in the future, Arielle went to find a bathroom where she could release herself and put cold water on her face.

 _Alright, you are panicking. She told herself, acknowledging the obvious. But Q wouldn't leave you and Rupert with bad people. It_ ’’s _better to be here than in a castle full of fairies. You came here for Rupert, so he would grow up with his dads. You didn’t want your family separated by time, and you have to make sacrifices. It’s hard. Right now is not the time to tell Q because he is visibly way over his head. You can do this ‘Elle. Rupert needs you to be able to do it._

After giving herself a pep talk and washing her face, she felt the storm inside her quiet off. She was still scared and out of her element, but reminding herself why she was doing it allowed her to accept her fear.

When she came back into the living room, Quentin walked toward her, a sad smile on his face that said everything she needed to know; he was about to leave.

‘’Elias kept his promise’’ she said, melting into his arm as he held her by the waste. ‘’Be safe. ‘’

He nodded, visibly trying not to cry. She kissed the tear that betrayed him, and he embraced her in a tight hug.

‘’I’ll be back as soon as I can,’’ he said in her ear. ‘’I love you. ‘’  
‘’I love you too,’’ she answered, closing her eyes and trying to memorize his sent.

Their lips found each other, and they kissed passionately. This surprise Arielle who knew Quentin was not fond of showing his affection in front of others; this was more Eliot’s stuff. Not that she minded. She couldn’t help herself to remember that his ex-girlfriend was in the room and she needed to mark her territory; Q was hers. And Eliot’s.

They stopped kissing when Eliot came with Rupert, Quentin hugging him as hard as he did for her. Arielle took Eliot’s hand and felt him trembling, which surprised her. Despite his calm and nonchalant attitude, he too was afraid. They both locked eyes, silently acknowledging how they felt and why they needed to be strong. He kissed her hand the way gentleman does. He rarely did this in The Cottage, but when he did, it meant the same as the long kiss she just exchanged with her husband.

‘’ Be safe too,’’ she told him and took Rupert in her arm, needing her baby against her.

‘’Julia will help you settle.’’ Eliot simply said. ‘’We filled her in with what you might need and the Amazon order.’’

‘’The what?’’

Eliot looked at her with amusement and kissed her head.

‘’There’s alcohol in the green cabinet next to the stairs, take as much as you need.’’

On that, he walked toward the clock where Margo was, giving time for Quentin to steal a last kiss before he too left for the portal. He looked back at her before entering, and she took Rupert’s arm to wave him goodbye. He smiles, he left, she closed her eyes trying not to cry.

‘’ I will take the green cabinet invitation right now, do you want something too?’’ A warm voice that came from her right asked.

It was Julia. She had a million questions written in her eyes, and yet, her aura was one of the most calming she ever felt. Like just being next to her made her realize that she was not alone. She would be okay.

Alice was nowhere to be found.

‘’Please. I need a drink. Maybe two. Then I’ll answer any questions you have.’’  
‘’Don’t tempt me’’ Laughed Julia, walking toward the stairs, ‘’ I’m quite a curious person.’’

Arielle sat on one of the sofas, putting Rupert on the floor with one of the toys she kept before Quentin when to settle everything upstairs. Her baby was eating the wooden duck already, Julia was getting a bottle of a brown liquid and two glasses. Arielle looks once at the clock where her husband and his boyfriend left.

_Do it for Rupert. Do it for them._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks, @OneEyedDestroyer for being my beta reader and helping me grow as a writer,  
> thanks to anyone who kicked my butt so I write this chapter,  
> thanks for the kudos and comments, I live off those  
> See you next chapter


	3. Arielle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arielle meets Fen

Arielle

Rupert woke up later than usual. Which was a wonderful thing for Arielle who had fallen asleep after having a pizza and too many glasses of whiskey with Julia. It must have been the darkness of Quentin’s room or the fact that they travel through time and space, but Rupert woke up around eight that morning instead of his usual six. 

‘’We are like the doctor’s companion’’ she told Rupert as she was changing his diaper and putting him in one of his outfits. ‘’We traveled far away, and we might be a bit lost, but at the end of the day, the Doctor always comes back. He has to step away sometime so he can save the world. ‘’

Of course, Rupert had no idea who The Doctor was, but Arielle had listened to Quentin tell stories of this man through her whole pregnancy, and she liked to think that her baby had heard in her belly. Away, in another world, without her husband or his boyfriend, it was at least, an excellent way to console herself from the void she was feeling right now. 

But she had Rupert, and he was hungry. 

Julia had shown her where the food was and told her she could get whatever she wanted, so she grabbed the strawberries and an apple —one of the rare thing she knew what it was — and went outside. Rupert was particularly fussy and talk active this morning, and the last thing she wanted was to make the house angry by waking them up early.

She put Rupert on a blanket and gave him a strawberry that he started to suck and bite with the only two teeth he had. She ate the apple and enjoyed the delighted sound her son made, reminding herself to enjoy the moment. Trying to reduce the breastfeeding to breakfast and before night time, she thanks the gods that there was no stranger around while half her breast was showing. 

Now that breakfast was over, Rupert got interested in the toys she brought and started to play with them, mostly throwing them or putting them in his mouth. She watchedt him play while finishing her apple, her mind wandering toward her husband. 

‘’You must be Arielle?’’ A melodious voice chirped next to her. 

She saw a young brunette, her hair in a loose braid, wearing what looks like a fillorian cloak over was clearly a shirt and pair of pant from Earth. She extended her hand when she arrives near Arielle and Rupert.

‘’Hi, I am Fen.’’  
‘’Oh..OH Hi!’’ Gasped Arielle, her heart starting to beat so fast she worried everyone could hear it. She felt herself blushing as she got up and shook the soft hand of a girl she only heard stories of. She was even more beautiful than what she’d imagine, realizing that she had expected Fen to be uglier simply because she was forced into marriage. Which, of course, made absolutely no sense.  
‘’Don’t worry Julia filled me in yesterday. “ Fen smiled, she seemed excited and tired at the same time. There was an unsaid battle in the girl's mind that was reflecting in the stormy light in her eyes. “It’s...’’  
‘’a lot to take?’’ suggested Arielle, timidly.  
‘’Let’s put it that way.’’ Laughed Fen. ‘’This is Rupert I assume.’’

Rupert, always curious, had crawled toward Fen and was trying to climb her leg but he was not strong enough to stay on two feet yet, so he fell on his butt and decided to play with the fabric of her pants until she gave him attention. 

Having three parents always at home might have spoiled him a bit too much on that side. 

‘’Yeah...’’ she said lovingly, grabbing her son in his arm so he could be at eye level with Fen.

Arielle decided to focus on her baby and not the face the woman next to her was making. She knew a lot about her story, and she wasn’t sure if it was a good thing to say. Especially knowing her encounter with the fairy and how she never got to watch her child grow up. Rupert, not worried about anything, decided gave Fen a smile that was the copy of his father’s. 

‘’I am going to get coffee, “ Said Fen after giving her finger to Rupert so he could play with it. Should Arielle pretend she was not seeing how wet her eyes had become? “it taste so different than in Fillory! Do you want some?’’  
‘’ I’d love to’’ accepted Arielle, having heard her husband and his boyfriend complains about the coffee grain they had at home. She always thought they were exaggerating.

Rupert seemed offended that Fen took her finger back and walked inside the house but then saw the wooden horse he adores and tried to throw himself out of his mother’s arm to grab it. Despite wanting to hold him a bit longer so her nerves would be stronger, Arielle put her baby on the grass where he crawled toward his toys and started to play with it happily. 

Without noticing really, the mother fixed her hair and straightened her clothes, wanting to be on her best in front of Eliot’s wife. This idea put weight on her chest she didn’t felt before. She wasn’t sure why, but it took her meeting Fen to understand how real all of this was. She truly was on Earth. In the future. 

Rupert was babbling a conversation to himself and seemed able to busy himself enough for Arielle to close her eyes a few seconds and pray, asking the gods emotional support and protection for Rupert. Part of her knew they would not listen. They were dead. Even if they weren’t, she was on Earth; they couldn’t hear. But it felt nice to pray. That was a ritual she could bring from home, and she will not get rid of it if it calmed her down. 

******

 

‘’Ember’s ass!’’  
‘’Right! Told you it’s good.’’

Fen and Arielle were now seated at a table outside, Rupert playing next to them on the blanket. Arielle just had her first taste of Earth’s coffee, and now she got why her boys were complaining all of the time about the one in Fillory. It was so much different. The only real resemblance was that it was a dark liquid. In Fillory, it was salty and coarse. This was the exact opposite.

“If it’s too bitter, try milk or sugar.” 

Just to see the difference, Arielle tried sugar. Indeed it made it even better. Witnessing the amusement on Fen’s face made Arielle realize that she too, was from Fillory and must be as overwhelmed by all the new things as she was. She had a few days to adapt, but it was nice to discover something with someone that had the same cultural background as yours. It wasn’t Eliot or Quentin showing off what was the difference on Earth. It was a fillorian, showing a discovery that might seem banal for a native of the land. After all, everything here was so different, the taste of coffee mustn't be the first thing someone from Earth wants to show to someone from another world. 

There was a small awkward silence between the two woman. Knowing they should say something and that they had a lot to talk about, but not knowing where to start. After her fourth sip of coffee, Arielle couldn’t pretend she was focusing on the drink and decided to go with the first thing that came to her mind. 

‘’Can I admit, of everyone, I was the most terrified of meeting you.’’  
‘’How come?’’ asked Fen, cocking her head to the right.  
‘’Well the whole...” Arielle showed herself and her son. “Eliot is now partner with Q, and there’s Rupert and... Well, they told me your story. ‘’ 

Arielle felt herself blushing as the girl in front of her looked intrigued. Her face was stuck in such a neutral smile that it felt forced. Which didn’t help the young mother anxiety. 

‘’I guess, you have all the reason to hate me. Or what I represent.’’ she finally said before finishing her coffee in one gulp.  
‘’There are things to unpack, it’s true,’’ said Fen, taking the pot of coffee she’d brought with the mugs. 

Now she was acting like a perfect host. This woman was perfect or what?

‘’But it is between Eliot and I. Being mad at you would be unfair.’’

Arielle's mouth dropped a little, not expecting this reaction from her. Of all the scenario she imagines, one where she wasn’t mad or crying had never been an option. She knew how fragile her mental health had been when Eliot left; it would have been normal that this news made her snap. But no, the young woman taking her hand and pressing it kindly, reassuring her that what she wouldn’t be the primary receiver of what she felt. She even laughed when Rupert tried to climb on her again and took him in his arm, talking with him and sitting him on her lap. Like she had done it all her life. 

Arielle had to blink a few times for the tears to dry in her eyes, her nervousness dropping to a dull ache in her chest. It was still there, but she didn’t feel like throwing up anymore. 

‘’Julia told me they were dating, not partners. ‘’ Finally said Fen, playing with Rupert horse in front of him. He screamed with delight. This time, the woman eyes were low, and her voice had been a bit more sad than usual. 

This was a peace offering. Arielle realized. She wouldn’t tell her how she felt about the whole thing before taking with Eliot, but she will show some emotions if it wasn’t too harmful toward her. Was she always such a diplomat or time in Whitespire had made her learn this art? Arielle felt her face was an open book next to Fen’s.

‘’It doesn’t have the same weight here, “ she admitted. “It took me days to explain to them what the difference meant. I guess because he was... is High King, Eliot always thought second marriages were a thing. ‘’

Fen laughed, visibly lost in a memory. Rupert claimed back her attention by grabbing her hair. That was one good thing with a baby; it was hard to ruminate when the present needed so much of your vigilance. 

‘’Yeah, he didn’t know until his ass got kicked by the King of Loria to be fair.’’ Fen finally said, trading her hair for the horse. Rupert happily grabbed his toy and put it in his mouth, smiling at her. ‘’But I get it, most of my time at the council is explaining to him and Margo how things are different between our worlds.’’  
‘’You are in the council?!’’  
‘’Yes, as the wife of the High King I was entitled to. In fact, Eliot insisted.’’

Arielle laughed, impressed. The idea that a woman other than the Queens were allowed in the council were beyond anything ever done in her time. 

‘’Well... Fillory did change with time.’’ She chuckled, slightly amused.  
‘’And it’s, even more, changing now that Eliot and Margo are bringing their opinion on our laws. But it’s for the best. Most of the time. ‘’

Arielle tries not to laugh but seeing the amused smile on Fen’s face, she allowed herself a giggled. The other woman gladly followed it. Being able to talk politic was a thing, complaining was another one. Arielle felt it was the first time Eliot’s wife could openly talk about her view of the Kings and Queens. If she could help with that part, at least, maybe Fen would not mind having her around. 

“Can I ask you something personal?” Fen asks, finishing her second cup of coffee.  
“of course.”  
Rupert was becoming fussy so she put him on the ground and he was content to play with his other toys. Arielle looked to make sure he was on the blanket and not trying to eat dirt or grass; he loved doing that a bit too much at The Cottage. 

“Did Eliot and you.... hm.... Were you involved romantically as well.”

Something like butterflies flew from Arielle's chest, knowing that, at least, this part wouldn’t hurt the woman in front of her.

‘’If it can reassure you, Eliot and I were mostly friends that fell in love with Quentin. There’s nothing more than that between us. ‘’  
‘’Thank you, “ Fen said, her shoulder visibly relaxing “I guess part of me was worried.’’  
‘’ I get it. ‘’

Rupert decided now he wanted to be held by his mother and let it known. With a warm smile, she picked him up. The way he settled deeper into her arm, made her fall in love with him even more. There were little ways her son was saying I love you. How he tried to be close to her heart and be content to be held was one. 

‘’When you think of it if Q is Eliot's partner, that makes you Rupert’s mom too. ‘’ Arielle said, seeing the envious and teary eyes of Fen who widen with shock as she spoke  
‘’Do you truly mean it?’’ she chocked up.  
‘’Of course. “Arielle said, realizing for the first time that she did mean it. ”It took around a month between finding the key and coming here...I had to think a lot about what your presence would mean in our family dynamic. At the end of the day, Q made me realize that it’s just one more person to love Rup’. And I agree. ‘’

Fen put her hand on her heart, tears flooding her cheeks. If it was not from the broad smile she was making, Arielle would have believed she’d said something wrong. She took her only available hand and took Fen’s, and now it was her time to reassure her. 

“Hey! The baby cries loudly when he wakes up doesn’t he?” A voice yelled, breaking the tender moment between the two woman. A skinny dark-haired boy was waiving at them from the door. “Jules is making crepes; anyone wants some before we go to the city? Oh Hi by the way I am Todd, I’ll get your Amazon package back here before we go to Broadway don’t worry.”

Fen told him they were coming and gather the mugs and the empty pot of coffee, Arielle a bit puzzled by the boy who had talked for so long without giving them a chance to answer. 

“Don’t worry. I don’t get half of what he talks about sometimes. “

Reassured and amused, Arielle followed Fen inside, Rupert babbling a conversation to himself yet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks @OneEyedDestroyer for beta-ing me  
> I am so grateful of the positive response you all are giving me, I am glad you want to join me in the crazy idea of Arielle and Rupert being there for the rest of the quest  
> I love you all  
> xx


	4. Quentin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quentin came back from his time with the Abyss key and all he needs is his family.

Quentin

Quentin was sitting next to a sleeping Alice while Julia was away getting the dean. He was not sure if he had enough emotional energy to feel anything but despair right now, but if he had to feel anything else, it would be anger. How could Julia give up her power like that? Why didn’t she talk to him about her struggle? Weren’t they supposed to be best friend? And instead of asking for advice, she did this to Alice, and herself.

_You got your best friend sexually assaulted._

 

The echo of his darkest thoughts floated into his mind. The key might not be in his possession anymore he might be free of its grip, but what it said to him didn’t leave. In fact, they repeated in his mind in a never ending loop of self hatred.

Julia arrived with the dean, who gave her instruction on what to do to stabilize Alice, Quentin gave them space as he paced the back of the room, pulling his shoulder length hair behind his ear. Oh, right yeah, he did that too. He didn’t went full on Britney’s meltdown with his hair, but he did cut it to the length it use to be before his time in Fillory. Before Arielle.

 You left your wife on Earth to play the hero. So you wouldn’t have to face her reaction when she realized who you truly were before. Do you really think she will wait for you? She will find a safer place to raise your son and you will never see them again.

 He stop pacing and leaned on the wall as Fogg announced they needed to wait for Alice to wake up to see the damage the magic transplant might have done to her. Once again, Quentin wanted to feel betrayed and angry, but he mostly felt sad, He didn’t even try to smile at Julia when she walked to him and took his hand.

 

‘’You’re trembling.’’ she noted, and he sighed, nodding.

 

The warmth of her hand made him realize how touched starve he was. How he needed to feel someone else laying their hand on him. Not anyone though. He needed Arielle. He needed Eliot. He needed Rupert. Guilt exploded in Quentin’s chest as he tried to remind himself that Julia was real too. She wasn’t mad at him either. It had all been in his head.

 Of course it’s in your head dumbass, doesn’t mean it’s not real. You were already not all there at first, it is so easy to push you over the edge. You are so weak Quentin Coldwater.

 ‘’Yeah uh... about the key - ‘’

 

He stopped talking when voices boomed downstairs. By the mess of noise and audible babbling of a baby, he knew Arielle, Fen, Fray,and Rupert were back from their trip to the city with Todd. They were probably talking with Margo and Eliot downstairs. He looked at the door, then at Julia. His best friend had a smile full of understanding and love that he rarely saw in her. It wasn’t one of pity or of concern;It was one of genuine happiness.

 

‘’Go. I’ll tell you when Alice wakes up. ‘’

 

Quentin hugged quickly Julia before rushing out of the room. The idea of seeing his wife and child with his life partner was everything he needed right now. More than anything, he had to see them, feel them, know that they were real and not twisted memories.

As he got out of the room, he saw Arielle at the top of the stairs. She was wearing earth clothes that he should care about. But he didn’t. She was there. Her cheek were pink, her lips were red, her eyes were bright.

 

‘’You cut your hair. ‘’ She voice said in a mixture of sadness and surprise.

 

He looked at Arielle who visibly ran up the stairs and the relief he saw in her eyes made him lose any sense of sense he was clinging too. In three steps he had her in his arm, pulling her into a strong embrace while his lips found hers with hunger. He was not sure if he was shaking or it was her, but he didn’t care anymore. Whatever his asshole of double-self had said was proven wrong. She’d waited for him. She was happy to see him.

Biting her lips, he used the memory of the space more than his sight to lead her toward his bedroom. The door opened as he fumbled against the knob. He became dizzy from the smell of her skin and the small gasp she just made as his lips explored her neck. The moment the door was closed and they were I. The intimacy of their room, he has her pinned on the wall, his whole body trying to melt into hers as his hand traced every inch of her body. His hand under her shirt, he could feel her. She was real. She was here. She was not a dream. She didn’t leave. He needed to feel her, to smell her, to love her, until his brain accepted that fact.  
He had not even noticed that she’d been working on his own clothes and only when her hand explored his chest that he realized he was bare chest. The small contortion of her pelvis and his own hungry thrust gave the other a sense of what the other wanted right now. He felt himself get harder as she rose one of her legs to help him get rid of her underwear.

 

‘’I need you right now’’ he heard himself growl against her skin as he threw the shirt she’d been wearing.

 

He needed to feel her, to taste her, to do anything to remind himself that she was real. The way his pants unclasped and fell to the floor was the only answer he needed from her. She whispered his name and, with his teeth, he grabbed her lips with passion as his hand explore the skin under her skirt and he was stroking slightly his cock. He felt her surprise when he pushed her harder against the wall. A devilish smile drew on his lips.

They had fucked against the wall only once before. It was before they were married. As he was courting her and Eliot was working on the puzzle and their hunger for each other had been restless as any early romance can be. Just after promising her to walk her home, he’d pushed her against the back of the cottage to exchange a kiss that became something more rather quickly. Soon she had been sucking him as he was trying not to be too loud for the other man outside. They failed to be quiet when, Quentin took her against the wall right after. They never did it again, but she told him how she had love to see him that way, and wouldn’t have mind to try again.

In a sense, Quentin felt it again today. Feeling this deep sense of his body needing to touch her, to be inside her and make her gasp his name. He kissed her harder when he entered her, her moan could be heard by anyone in the cottage and it was the last thing he wanted.. He always took pride into how much he was able to make her so vocal, but this time he wanted it for himself and no one else. Arielle was his and she was hers.  
He took her legs and helped her push them up, wrapping them around his waist and he was thrusting inside her rapidly. She bit and sucked on a part of his shoulder as her pleasure built; it only drove him crazier to know that there will be a mark there later tonight.

 

‘’Gods and above’’ she sighed arching her back and giving him a wonderful view of her breast. He’d never tell her but the fact that she never wore a bra always turned him on Her breast were perky, and a bit bigger now that she was breastfeeding. And seeing them bouncing, nipples hard and sensitive, gave him a wave of pleasure that indicated him it was the beginning of the end.

 

‘’’Gods! Right there! ‘’Licking his lips, he groaned, wanting to put his mouth around on of her nipple and suck it until she came undone, but they were not in a position to do so. The crook of her neck was a perfect place to keep his mouth busy, avoiding any loud gasp. She simply shift her lightly so his leg could have better gripping as he was thrusting inside and out of her.

 

‘’Don’t stop! you feel so good!’’ she moaned as he hit a particularly good spot. She trembled and bit him as she came.

 

The moment her teeth went into his skin, he emptied himself inside her with a gasp and he felt his leg weaken slightly. Afraid of dropping her, he used his last force to turn and set her softly on the bed and lean to be sure he was still inside her as they both ride the wave of pleasure they were experiencing. He heard a soft sigh of content and felt Arielle’s hand on his cheek. Pulling up his head he answered her smile and the couple both kissed as they untangled.

He was soon lying next to her, his hand still caressing the curves of her hips and the softness of her legs as came back to reality. Part of him needed to feel her again. This outburst of sex had nothing to do with lust, it was the need to touch her and be with her that had driven him like this. Even now, grabbing her lips in an hungry kiss, he wanted to explore every inch of her body. He wanted her to explore his own body. He just.. wanted to be touched.

 

‘’I know you enough to know that this outburst of passion was triggered by something.’’ Arielle finally said, tucking his hair behind his ear. Her hand slip on his jaw before she cup his face. Her eyes were trying to read him as he was not already an open book to her. ‘’, Is everything alright my love’’  
‘’No’’ he chuckled, sadly. ‘’In fact I am a fucking mess. But seeing you in the house...I just... I’m a mess, but I’m with you now. ‘’

 

He hugged her, putting blanket over them as he felt the cold air hit his body. His head went in the crook of her neck and he sigh when she started to play in his hair. He nibbled a bit at her skin. Wanting to mark her even more than he already did.

 

‘’Things will be alright. I...This fucking key- ’’ he started to say, trembling.

‘’You don’t need to talk about it now if you don’t want to,” interrupted his wife.

 

Quentin sighed, then nodded.‘’Thank you.’’ he simply said, they stayed in silence, in each other’s embrace, letting the last wave of bliss leaving their body. Her hand was still in his hair, she smelled like wood and lavender. He felt himself drifting asleep as she was humming one of the lullabys she usually sang for their son.

 

When Quentin woke up, his stomach growled at the smell of food coming from downstairs. Arielle was gone, his room was dark and, by the clock, he’d slept four hours straight. No wonder he was starving.

His wife had taken the clothes they had discarded earlier and folded them neatly on his desk. He started to get dress when he heard Rupert’s laughter. It only made him go faster. His emotional breakdown was over, but he still wanted to see his son. He knew he missed the few hours he could have seen Eliot, but at the time, he didn’t think of it. Feeling his self-hatred coming back into his mind, he went downstairs; nothing better than real life to distract you from yourself.

 He didn’t know what he expected to see, but he didn’t expected to see this; at the table, Todd, Julia, Fen, Fray and Margo were eating while Eliot was feeding Rupert. Arielle was holding her own plate, ready to sit with them, when she saw him. Not wanting to disturb anyone, she walked toward Quentin and kissed him quickly.

 

‘’Slept well?’’ she simply ask. He nodded, looking at the strange mix of people seated at the table. ‘’I convinced El’ to stay for dinner. I’m happy you woke up. Here, have this, I’ll get myself another plate. ‘’

 

She put the plate in his hand and went toward the kitchen, not letting him time to answer. Quentin decided to sit on the other side of Rupert, still unsure if he was in a dream.

 

‘’Won’t be able to stay long. ‘’ Margo scuffed as a greeting. She was already pouring him some wine in an empty glass. ‘’Here, you need it.’’

 

Quentin took the glass from his friend and by the way she looked at him, he knew that she was boiling with cold anger. It was probably Eliot that had forced her to stay.

 

‘’Poppy told us everything that happened on the boat. ‘’ Julia said, trying to make conversation. ‘’Shit Q, of all of the people you were the last one who needed that key.’’

 

Quentin snorted as he took a large swig of wine and avoided Eliot’s eyes knowing his partner was probably worried right now.

 Now that things are back to where they were, is Eliot even your boyfriend anymore? Or will he pretend nothing had happened and continue to want to bone Idri?

 

‘’Where is she?’’ he asked as he took Rupert’s fork that he threw on the floor like he did a thousand time before. His son happily put his plastic utensil back into his mash potatoes

 

The mixture of look of rage and love he got from the girls around the table was quite distressing

 

‘’Sleeping too, I think ‘’ Julia answered.

 

Quentin looked at his plate, seeing that Arielle had made one of the dinner they use to eat at The Cottage. It was simple ground beef, boiled veggies and mashed potatoes. But it smelled like their home. Something warm blossomed into the coldness of his chest. For the first time since he’d taken the key, he felt a light inside him. He wasn’t in complete darkness anymore.

 

‘’How is Alice?’’ he asked, now remembering that, while he was fucking his wife, his ex might have been dying.

 

‘’She’s fine, needs rest mostly. Nothing to worry about.’’

 

Rupert cooed as he saw Arielle come into the room and sit next to Quentin. Eliot was trying to make him eat but he was too distracted by all the attention he was getting to want to eat. When Quentin noticed his son wearing a Star Wars onesie, he felt something that was close to joy.

 

‘’So you were going to explain internet to me. ‘’ Arielle said, taking Quentin’s hand under the table. She was visibly trying to make small talk with Julia and Margo so the focus was not on him. He pressed his hand into hers as a thank you. ‘’Todd tried to tell me earlier but I can’t say I understood much. ‘’  
‘’How can something invisible give you information. ‘’ Agreed Fray. ‘’You are not even supposed to have magic anymore. It makes no sense. ‘’

 

Julia laughed and started to explain to the Fillorian at the table what was internet is. Rupert was eating with the help of Eliot. Margo was glancing at him then at Quentin between two sips of wine.

 

_You are not worth loving._

 

This table, full of people he adores, proved the contrary. Yes he might need a good talk with some of them and feelings were complicated. But at the end of the day, they were a found family that was doing a quest that was bigger than themselves. Then, it dawned on him that he should go see his blood family. His dad had no idea of what was happening or that he even had a grandson.

 

‘’Can I get more wine? ‘’ He asked Margo.

 

She smiled, amused, and poured some more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks @Oneeyeddestroyer for the Beta reading of this chapter!
> 
> I need Rupert in all sorts of geeky outfits now! Anyway who want to hug Q? Cause I do! 
> 
> Happy Laybor Day Weekend everyone!


	5. Quentin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quentin has to plan with Penny to find the Abyss key, Poppy and Arielle intervene

Quentin  
’Penny? Are you around?’’ He asked. 

Arielle smiled at him and opened a book to read as he was working, Poppy gave him a questioning look, and he rolled his eyes, saying he’d explain later. Penny had just walked in the living room, and his gray suit impeccably fits on his astral body. He was trying to look gloomy and mad, but there was an excitement in his eyes that he never saw before.

‘’ Dude, did you know Rupert can see me?’’ Penny said, sitting on the nook over the window, visibly eager to tell him. Which was un-Penny like.  
‘’Wait what. ‘’  
‘’Yeah, your kid. He sees me. I talk to him and play with him, and he reacts to it. It’s fucking weird.’’  
‘’Wait, you played with him?’’ 

Arielle looked up from her book, curious. 

‘’Who are you talking to?’’ Poppy asked,  
‘’ Penny, a friend of mine...he’s stuck in the astral plane. I’ll explain later.’’ Quentin said before looking at Arielle. ‘’He says Rup’ sees him.’’  
‘’Really?’’ Arielle said, surprised. ‘’Is it suppose to happen?’’  
‘’Nice to know we are friends.’’ scuff Penny which make Quentin roll his eyes. ‘’And it’s not because I hate your gut that I am a dick to your kid. Are you sure he’s yours though? He’s too adorable to have a dork like you.’’  
‘’Shut up.’’ He said to Penny trying to listen as Poppy explain that it was theorized that kids were united to magic in another way that adult was. ‘’Alright. I’ll see with Jules about that. Uh...’’

He took his phone and got to Julia message text, giving it to his wife and asking her to write a message. He had shown her his cellphone on their way to his father, but she apparently was still unsure of the object. Giving her time to write, Quentin turns toward Penny who was looking back at him annoyed. 

‘’What do you want? I have other things to do.’’  
‘’Like what? Turning yourself into a signing fish again?’’  
‘’Oh fuck off.’’  
‘’Alright, alright, sorry,’’ Quentin said as Penny was getting up to leave the place. 

Sighing, he sat on the nook of the window and look at his enemy turned friend, unsure how and what to ask. He knew his pride was making him feel angrier than it should, but the idea that Penny was the only person who could help to further along the quest was absurd.

‘’I need you to travel to the underworld, Benedict jumped with the key in his hand, and we need.’’

He looked at Penny who was now seated on the arm of the chair Arielle was sitting on. He and his wife were frowning when they mentioned the map maker’s death. Benedict had been a sweet and caring member of Whitespire, and even Penny had softened to him. Quentin knew it was low to use his suicide to convince the traveller, but it was the only card he had that could probably work. 

‘’For the ten times, I’m not dead, dumbass, I’m an astral projection.’’  
‘’No offence, but your corpse is ash. So I think maybe you might be in a little bit of denial. ‘’

Both girls in the room looked at Quentin with surprise, not having heard half on the conversation. Penny was about to insult him some more when the cellphone Arielle had in her hand rang. Surprised by the sound and the vibration, she jumped a little. Penny walked away from her and went back to sulk into the window nook as Quentin took his place next to Arielle, reading Julia’s answer. 

Good question. I’m with Fogg right now, let me ask him. 

‘’Penny, I know you don’t know me, but from what Quentin told me of you, you are a good guy. ‘’ Arielle said, speaking in the general direction of where the traveller was. 

Penny scuffed, Quentin rolled his eyes, trying to hide the blush creeping in his neck. In telling her his time before the puzzle, time might have made him forgot how irritating and uncooperative the men were. It was more than being selfish at this point; it was just made out of spite to miss him off. 

‘’And you are in a position that none of us is; you can go there without main suspicion. I know you must be upset about what his happening to you, but when magic is back, I am sure Quentin and the other will work to find a solution and bring you back.’’

Arielle stop talking because Rupert was making noise in the monitor, audibly waking up. She sighed and got up. Quentin felt her hand dancing on his back a few seconds, trying to calm him down and comfort him. It didn’t ease his anxiety, but it made his heart race a bit faster, and a small smile crept on his lips. As strange as it was to see her there, he was so glad she followed him back on Earth. He would be without his anchor if she stayed behind. He realized it now. 

‘’Fine, I’ll help.’’ Penny said, watching the young woman leaving the room and climbing out the stairs.‘’but not cause I like you. You’ll owe me after that, understood? Big time. ‘’  
‘’ Okay. Whatever.’’ Quentin sigh, relieved. 

He sat in the chair Arielle was a few seconds ago and looked at Penny. 

‘’It’s not like I can just travel to the Underworld. It doesn’t work that way.’’  
‘’So we need a gatekeeper. ‘’ Quentin said, already having an answer for this. He had thought about it all night when insomnia had crept in. He had been able to go there once, whatever form Penny had, it must be the same set of rules for everyone right? ‘’ We need a dragon. Like Jules and I used.’’  
‘’Yeah, not a ton of those on earth anymore dude. And even if we found one, what gives you -’’ 

‘’ What about the library’s dragon? Sorry, couldn’t help but overhear. At least one side of the convo anyway. ‘’Poppy’s voice cut Penny. Quentin had almost forgotten the presence of the girl in the room. Seated in front of her computer, eating cookies, she was speaking with the same animation she had on the boat. Resentment and anger crept into Quentin when he remembers what she made him go through. After all, all these problems were because of her. 

 

‘’The library has a dragon?’’ Asked Quentin, surprised. The surprised in Penny’s face was not about the news but more about her knowledge of it. He nodded, confirming it, frowning at the redhead girl.  
‘’It’s a bridle-coat Albanian pygmy, they call it the Bookwyrm. Love the pun. If what I read was real, they use it to send books from here to their Underworld section. Ask your invisible friend.’’

Quentin was now pacing the room and Poppy was next to him, bouncing slightly on her heels. Of course, a dragonologist would know these kinds of detail. But the fact that they needed her help was not seating well with Quentin. Not after what she did. 

‘’The Bookwyrm is too small to send a full-size person down there.’’ Penny sighed. 

Arielle came back holding Rupert. The little boy had a ring of plastic in his mouth; they previously had put in the freezer so it would soothe him. Apparently, it was now time for him for more teething pain, making him clingy, whiny and unable to sleep more than forty minutes. At least, he seemed happy to suck on something cold. He gave a big smile to Quentin as he was put on the floor, Arielle placing some toys next to him. 

‘’What if the person was a book? Project yourself into one and- ‘’  
‘’Jesus Christ.’’ Swore the librarian, looking at the baby on the floor.

Quentin wasn’t sure if it was his imagination, but Rupert seemed to smile back. There was a pang of unnecessary jealousy inside in stomach that gave him the desire to drink or punch something. Whatever comes first. He was almost happy when Arielle distracted their son with a cookie. His cry of delight was way better than his bonding friendship with a frenemy. 

‘’Let say I get the key and send it back up. It’s still n the Satellite Library, on another planet.’’  
‘’So we need another traveller.’’ Sigh Quentin, hating the ever-growing list of things to do for this plan even to work. 

Couldn’t he have to get a key from a remote island like Eliot, instead of this impossible mission that required dead and alive to work together? 

‘’Well except you, I only know one. What’s the name of the girl you save in Fillory?’’  
‘’Victoria? You think she’d want to help us?’’  
‘’Yeah Victoria she-’’  
‘’Wait you know Victoria? She was in my class! Wait a minute she’s not dead? I thought the Mothman killed her.’’ 

Rupert had let go of his plastic toy and was crawling toward the nook where Penny was. With great effort, he rose himself on his feet and held on the furniture, looking curiously at the traveller. 

‘’Hey buddy, how was your nap?’’ Penny asked in a calm and soothing voice Quentin never head coming from him. Rupert answer with babbling noise. The young father’s eyes widen as both girls looked at him; Poppy wanting news from her classmate and Arielle silently asking if their son was where his invisible friend was. 

‘’uh- hm? Oh yeah, Victoria. We kinda save her. No idea where she is though, she left Fillory with Josh the moment she could.’’ 

Quentin didn’t even look at Poppy when he answered, taking Rupert in his arm and sitting on the nook, in front of Penny. His son was trying to grab the traveller’s clothes, but his small hand were passing through him. 

‘’Uh, he can see you but not touch you,’’ commented Quentin, half expecting his son to be able to do another impossible thing. 

‘’Like I told you ass- ‘’ Penny looked at Rupert then back at Quentin ‘’Stupid head, I’m still an astral projection. Nobody. Remember.’’ 

‘’I can find Victoria,’’ Poppy said, either not interested by the baby or, most likely, unable to know what to do with him around. 

Julia and Alice seemed to act the same around Rupert. Who knew one of the vulnerabilities of those three magicians was someone who was currently eating his fist. He grabbed the frozen toy Arielle was giving him and replace the wet fist with something more helpful for his gum. 

‘’If she’s on earth. I can find her. ‘’continued Poppy  
‘’Alright then- ‘’  
‘’On one condition; I wanna come.’’

Penny, Arielle and Quentin’s eyes snapped toward the red hair girl who was grinning hear to ear, still slightly bouncing on her feet. 

‘’I’ve never seen an Albanian pygmy dragon before. ‘’ Argued the dragonologist. ‘’It could be my only shot. Come on!’’  
‘’No.’’ Arielle coldly said before Quentin could open his mouth to agree. 

Alright, this was a surprise even for him. 

‘’ You gave Quentin a key that literally broke him mentally, he told you he had depressive tendencies, and your reaction was not to find a way for both of you to share the burden, but to simply say he was too happy for it to drain him down?’’ Arielle said, getting up, looking at Poppy. She was slightly shaking with anger, and Quentin knew her well enough that this was the beginning of something explosive and bad. ‘’He had to tie himself to a boat not to kill himself by Ember’s ass!’’ 

Penny tried not to snort at the expression and Quentin took Rupert in his arm, sighing. He needed to get her out of the house and calm down before they continue the discussion. 

‘’ let’s go outside ‘Elle. ‘’  
‘’No Quentin. I won’t. This woman tricked you into having something you didn’t know the cost of, and she is the reason why Benedict died, and she doesn’t even express remorse. She talks about it like its an accident. It wasn’t one. She knew what the key did to people and gave it away  
‘’Now wait a minute, you don’t know what it’s like to hold that thing. ‘’ Poppy said, crossing her arm. ‘’Believe me, you wouldn’t last a minute with it. The only thing you can think outside of self-hatred, it’s to get rid of that thing.’’  
‘’You still killed Benedict. ‘’  
‘’The key did.’’  
‘’The person who holds the weapon is the murderer, not the weapon itself.’’ 

Both girls were looking at each other with daggers in their eyes. Penny and Quentin had the good sense not to talk. Looking at both of them in stunned silence. 

‘’You think you are better than me because you are a mother, but believe me, you didn’t live through half of what I had to, to survive. So shut your princess' mouth and let the people that can do something about it talks.’’

That last comment hurt Arielle. Quentin could see it in her eyes. She straightens her dress, grabbed her son from Quentin and walk out of the room without a word. 

‘’Alright. Things are awkward now.’’ Penny said. 

Quentin pulled slightly at his hair, the pain grounding him to the moment and helping him not to fall into a panic attack. This was the last thing he needed right now. He understood his wife concern, but sometimes you had to work with people you don’t like for the greater good. It was how he and Penny were sorts of friends. 

‘’ Find Victoria. Convince her, ‘’ grumbled Quentin. ‘’Penny, go with her. Maybe seeing you will convince her. I’ll talk to ‘Elle.’’

He gave Poppy the key so he wouldn’t hear Penny comment on what happened, and tried to dismiss the smug of victory painted on the woman’s face. 

Oh, how he missed the time when his only worry was about a puzzle and his love problem with Eliot and Arielle. It had been hard, but so much simpler to handle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, my husband just-moved-in and things has been crazy! Hope you enjoy this chapter!  
> xx


	6. Quentin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quentin understand he can't push his wife away while he's on a quest

Quentin

 

Quentin was looking at Rupert holding to an outdoor chair, his little leg trying to find strength and balance to keep himself up. It lasted until he let go of the chair and within seconds he was back on his butt, gravity winning over stability. Quentin was unsure if it was meant to laugh or not. But his son determination to try to stand up was impressive, and soon enough, Rupert was back on two legs, holding up the chair. 

He had just calmed down from a crying tantrum due to his teeth coming in. Arielle had been in such a rage that when she’d seen Quentin walk toward her, she put the baby in his arm and told him to take care of him for once, then she walks away from him, storming off gods knows where. Rupert had calmed down, guilt had time to settle up in Quentin, and yet, Arielle was nowhere to be found. The last time he saw her that way, it has been when she’d admitted feeling like a third wheel in their couple. 

To be honest, it felt more like they were all separate wheels right now. Yes, it only had been a few days since they were back to their time and Earth, but it felt like decades. Eliot was doing his best to ghost any interaction that was not related to Rupert, he’d been assaulted by his mind, and visibly Arielle had been repressing a lot of feelings. Quentin sighed. Where was the time where they were united and working together like a well-oiled machine? 

‘’Q?’’ Julia’s voice chimed, stopping the spiral of thought that was creeping into his mind. 

He clearly was a few steps away to go back against his depressive self. No need for a key for that. His mind was good enough to do it on its own. 

‘’uh, just saw Arielle at the library. I think you should see her.’’ 

His best friend sat next to him and Q sigh. Rupert turns to see who was talking and when he saw Julia, his face brighten right away. He tried to walk toward her but, not strong enough yet, he fell on his four. Not missing a beat, he crawled toward the woman and tried to climb on her, babbling his happiness. 

‘’I think he likes you.’’ Quentin laughed, seeing his best friend apparent discomfort; she was tense, and her hand was hovering over Rupert like she wasn’t sure if she should touch him.   
‘’I don’t understand why, ‘’ Julia admitted, a smile creeping on her lips. ‘’I’m good at a lot of things Q, but babies...not my thing.’’  
‘’Yeah you never were a kid person. ‘’ Quentin laughed. Remember when you got to ask to babysit the neighbour kid, what was his name...Evan? And you called me as soon as the parent left.’’

Julia nodded and chuckled, Quentin, joined her. Rupert was now sitting in front of Julia, and they were both pushing a ball so the other could catch it. 

‘’I am trying to get around the idea that you were gone five years,’’ Admitted Julia, not looking at Quentin. ‘’ but every time I think I am getting used to the idea. I see your kids and fuck...’’  
‘’Language Jules.’’ Interrupted Quentin which made Julia genuinely laugh.  
‘’Oh my god you are such a dad.’’ 

Quentin knew this was meant as a tease, but he felt proud of hearing that. He was genuinely trying his best for his son, and if his own best friend saw it, it meant he was not doing a bad job. 

‘’I think we both need to sit down with a bottle of wine and talk,’’ Julia said, looking at him with a serenity in her eyes he hadn’t seen in a long time. 

Quentin felt terrible when he realized he didn’t even know what was happening in Julia’s life lately. Just that she transferred her power to Alice and since then, she had looked calmer, at peace. And Alice seemed wilder and scarier than ever.

‘’Yeah, we have a lot to catch up. ‘’ He admitted. ‘’On both side.’’  
‘’But first, find your wife. I think this is more important.’’  
‘’You’re important too Jules - ‘’   
‘’I know dummy!’’ Cut Julia, laughing and focusing on the ball she’d forgotten to send back to Rupert. He had shrieked to let her know his impatience. ‘’And I can’t believe we are talking about your wife. But right now, she needs you more than I do. We can wait a bit longer. ‘’

Quentin hesitated. Talking with Julia and catching up with her life was more tempting than going to see Arielle, but his best friend was right; there was a reason why Arielle had stormed off that way. He needed to talk to her. They had worked so hard on their communication since Rupert was born, but the quest had changed everything. Suddenly they were back to unspoken feeling and problems that would not have happened if they would have talked. Old habits died hard apparently. 

‘’I’ll keep an eye on your little one. ‘’ Julia said, seeing his dilemma. ‘’Go.’’  
‘’You want me to see her that badly?’’  
‘’Yes. So go before change my mind.’’ 

Quentin kissed Julia’s cheek as a thank you and left her and Rupert to go to the library. It was nice to know that despite everything, he could count on Julia. They fell back into their old friendship, now careful and wiser about one another. In a sense, Julia was what Margo was for Eliot. 

Quentin would lie if he’d say he was getting used to seeing Brakebills so empty. The class had been cancelled for and ‘’early summer break’’ that fooled no one. It had been getting harder to pretend you could study magic with theory and no practice. Plus the teacher either left to find a solution or gave up on any hope possible. Quentin felt a cold chill run through his spine as he remembers having to use all his strength to hold his teacher as she had tried to kill herself. The firefighter that had helped the rescue had been way to slow for his taste. All he could think at that time was how he’d been happy his suicidal thought never took over him. Without them, he’d never met Eliot or Margo, married Arielle and even have Rupert. 

His heart sank in his stomach now that he thought of Benedict. How suicide had been so quick and easy for him. Right before the end, he’d only glimpse the sadness in the maps maker’s mind, and it was dark and sad. He must have hidden his death wish by his loving smile and his hours at drawing maps. He added small details that were not important, decorations really, that always made them the best. And now, all that talent was wasted in the Underworld. 

He found Arielle in the library, just as Julia said. His wife was touching books and reading their title. He knew her well enough by now to see that she was calmer but still angry. Her eyebrows frowned, and her lips were pinched. Her eyes seemed full of wonder and curiosity. Motherhood has taken over her life, Arielle had stopped reading as much as she uses to before. Quentin almost forgot how much she liked to read. He should have brought her here or showed her the Brooklyn public library before leaving. 

‘’I’ve never seen so much book in the same place,’’ Arielle said after a moment. 

Quentin had been silently staring at her from the edge of the aisle.

‘’Most of the books here are about magic. I can show you another library with better stuff to read; novels and biography and stuff. I think you’d like it. Rup’ too, there’s book for his age too.’’

Arielle looked at him and nodded, but not as excitedly as he’d like. She bit her lips and looked at him. Quentin felt like her eyes were x-rays and she could read him down to his deepest secret. He felt uncomfortable.

‘’You are still going to do your plan with that Poppy girl aren’t you?’’ Arielle asked as he walked toward her.   
‘’Yeah. I’m sorry, but I need her, ‘’ admitted Quentin, hesitating before taking her hand. She turned so she could face him fully. He could see her tensed body and feel her trembling. He hated himself to be the cause of this. ‘’I’m here to ask if I could - ‘’   
‘’You are an adult Quentin, you do what you want. I am not your mother. I am your wife. ‘’

Touché. 

‘’I know what she said was harsh, but you have to understand, she survived with that thing against her for almost two years. It would drive people insane. I can’t believe she didn’t kill herself. ‘’  
‘’Because she let people die in her place. She even told us so. Not with those words, but that's what it meant. ‘’ 

Quentin put his hair behind his ear, finding them too short now. He had been so used to have them in the middle of his back that, to have them in mid-shoulder felt almost like he was naked. He walked her to an empty studying table near a window, and they both sat there. The sun was revealing more freckles on Arielle’s face, and Quentin felt butterflies burst into his chest, suddenly struck by how lucky he was to make such a pretty girl fall for a fool like him. 

‘’She can insult me and give me every name she wants, ‘’ Arielle finally said, grabbing Quentin’s hand the moment they were on the table. He caressed them with his thumb, slightly looking at the wedding ring she was wearing. ‘’but I will not tolerate that she attack my family or think my life was easy because I didn’t have the same experience as her. Everyone has their own battle in life, and playing a game of who is most miserable is not a way to feel better. ‘’  
‘’I understand that you are angry at her because you almost lost me,’’ Quentin said, agreeing with her but not wanting to sidetrack the reason why he was here. Because the who’s-most-miserable game seemed to be one everyone at Brakebills seemed to play, and this was a can of worm in itself. ‘’But I fought. I fought it, and I am back. I came back to you. To Rupert. Like I promise.’’  
‘’Remember when you asked Lunk to give me time before I accept him as a friend again. It took time for me to forgive him, at least, be able to be in the same room as him and not wanting to strangle him. It is the same thing I am doing. Except the girl didn’t cheat on you, she tried to murder you. ‘’  
‘’You are making it sound worse than it is.’’  
‘’Tell that to the boy who made love to me the moment he saw me and four-time after that same night. Tell that to that touched-starved, heartbroken, desperate boy who needed to hear me tell him all night how much I love him.‘’

She was right. He was too. She was scared and angry and had all the reason to be. But he still needed Poppy’s help, and both of them knew that. Quentin kissed her hand, right where the wedding ring was. When he married her, he had promised before the gods to take care of this woman and that she will be part of his whole life, hardship and all. By trying to exclude her from the quest, he was hurting her more than anything else. He could see that. He might have killed one of the gods which he’d made that promise, but he still believed every word he said. He wanted Arielle in his entire life, not only the part that was calmer and nicer. 

 

‘’Come with us then,’’ he said, looking at her.  
‘’What?’’

Her surprise was as big as his. He didn’t have the thought fully formulated in his mind as he was speaking. But now it was out there. And by the way, her body relaxed, he knew he could not take this offer back. 

‘’I know I can’t bring you to my quest in Fillory.’’ He said, still trying to find the way to say things. He wishes Eliot was there. He was better to explain those kinds of things. ‘’ But this time, this part, we can do it together. We give Rup’ to my dad to babysit for a night, and we do it together. Poppy and Penny will be there too, but you won’t be waiting at home. You’ll be there. With me. ‘’

Arielle nodded vigorously, thanking him. Tears were falling from her eyes, which made him cry too. The stress of the last few days has been unbearable and seeing his wife cry was the last straw. He cried with her, and they held each other like it was the last time they ever would. All those hours of worrying to come back to Earth, in the quest, in the present. And now that he was, he only wishes to go back in time, in their small cottage, where things were quieter and much easier to handle. 

****

‘’Why is it that I always stumble on you having sex. ‘’ Grumbled Penny as he sat on the edge of the table in the Physical Kids’ cottage.  
‘’First time it was to save your ass if I recalled, ‘’grumbled Quentin who had markers and paper so they could draw the layout of the hospital Kady was trapped in. 

Because of course, now they have to take Kady out as if this plan was not complicated enough. He’d expected to find Victoria, convince her and then prepare to see Benedict in the Underworld with Penny. Now it had another layer of problems, and he regretted his suggestion to have Arielle with him. Finding a solution in books was much simpler and safer than what they were about to do. 

‘’fine, but finding you fucking your wife in a library was not in my plans of the day’’  
‘’because you have plans now?’’

Arielle chuckled, and both Penny and Quentin looked at her at the same time.

‘’You make me think of my brothers. Bickering like that all the time. It’s even funnier when you can only get half the conversation.’’

Arielle comment made Quentin smile a little, admitting defeat. He and Penny did sound like her brother’s bantering around the table during one of the many dinners at the peach farm. It seemed like a lifetime ago. It was a lifetime ago.

Poppy was gone in the kitchen getting everyone with a physical body a beer and Julia had accepted to take Rupert to Quentin’s father for the rest of the day. Both parents would now be able to focus on the task ahead. Plus, in Julia’s words, ‘’I have enough of Fogg to babysit also to be able to take care of Rupert.’’ Quentin promised himself that, once the key would be back in his possession, he would take a day off the quest to check up with his best friend. 

After another snarky comment from Penny that he totally ignore, Quentin started to draw the outline of the hospital floor like his half-dead friend was dictating. Poppy was back with the beer and, despite trying to forget the past conversation, Quentin felt both women by his side burning with a cold rage. 

‘’Alright,’’ said Poppy once the drawing was over. ‘’now that we have the layout, what’s the plan?’’

****

Kady had the truth key, and Penny was telling her the next steps in their plan. Quentin and Poppy were asking her questions and pretended to write answers and notes so the other doctor in the room wouldn’t see through their lie. Despite everything going according to plan right now, Quentin couldn’t help to feel it was going too well and something was about to go wrong. He felt the stolen badge in his pocket for the fourth time, to reassure himself. 

‘’Thank you miss Diaz, that will be all for us. ‘’ Finished Poppy as the interview finished. 

Kady scuffed and crossed her arm, looking annoyed and angry. Despite her mood, it was good to know that she was not the drugged zombie Penny had seen yesterday. 

‘’ Can I go now?’’ She mumbled angrily.   
‘’Yes, thank you, Kady. I will give you their answer to our appointment later today.’’ The doctor next to her said. 

Without a glance, she rolled her eyes, saying she better be out soon, her fists clutch in rage. Probably hiding the key too. Penny should follow her by now. 

‘’As you see, she is aware of her situation, but the control of her anger is still a big part of the problem.’’ The doctor said the moment Kady left. Visibly, he wanted her to stay.

Quentin could understand why. Maybe Kady needed help to accept what happened to her mother and Penny, but this was not the place. They handled her mood not by giving her tools to manage them in a more healthy way, but by making her so stoned that she was not aware of reality and her own pain. This was putting a band-aid on a bigger problem. Quentin knew. It happens to him before. He would feel bad, get himself knocked out for a few days, talk with a doctor, get medication that would numb him and go when they would stop working. Then the same circle would continue. 

It had taken being stuck in Fillory without meds and a looming depression over him that things had changed. Eliot knew he was not the best to help him cope with his demon, and this is where Arielle saved him. Save them. She never judges their mental health or coping mechanism. She was a new pair of ears to listen. As a fillorian, she had a way to see life so much different than them that sometimes, it took her only to rephrase their sorrow for the pain to go away. Quentin remembers in one of his harder days before they were even dating, he’d panic over staying in Fillory and wasting his life. Arielle had pointed out that being with Eliot and doing a quest to save their friend was not waste. After, he had told himself that same sentence every time he’d felt the anxiety coming up. Slowly, this girl from another world had changed his view of life itself. This was not always easy; his anxiety was not suddenly cured. But he knew that he married someone who would always try to help instead of numb his pain. And that’s what Kady needed. 

‘’Is she a danger for herself or others?’’ Quentin asks, clearing his throat after Poppy hit his leg under the table. He apparently got lost in his own memory for a second.   
‘’Herself, I don’t think so. For others, I am not sure. Her anger management is not controlled and can be explosive.’’  
‘’Did she try any other form of violence against herself or others since she has been forced to stay here.’’ Poppy continued, knowing the question any inspector would ask. 

Was it sad that both of them knew them by heart? Were they that broken? Or was the health system that predictable? 

‘’Not since the first night. With the medication we give her, it did help her go through the day.’’  
‘’Are they safe enough for her to take outside of the hospital, with or without specific narcotics?’’ 

Alright, this question Quentin never heard of. But Poppy seemed so sure in her delivery; there was no way she invented it on the spot. This girl was a mystery wrapped in an enigma.

When the question to the doctor was over, Poppy and he left the room, pretending they needed to talk in private about their own result. The doctor gave them the number of an empty office they could use. As they walked there, a nurse walked into him by mistake. His file fell on the floor, and so were hers. Poppy was rolling her eyes, annoyed, while both of them were fumbling apologies and were gathering their papers. With a slight of hand, Quentin slid the identity card into the nurse folder who saw and nodded slightly, hiding it with a health chart. 

Quentin helped Arielle stood up, apologized again and looked at her going toward Kady’s room while Poppy was playing the annoyed partner who wanted this case to be over. Or maybe this part, and the red-haired girl wanted out of this place. Both of them were about to leave without going to the empty office or continue to pretend their fake identity when the secretary called them. 

‘’Doctor Fitzpatrick wanted me to give you this. ‘’ Said the brunette with a kind but tired eyes. Those were the eyes of most workers in any hospital Quentin ever saw; the system burning away their soul by overworking them. ‘’It’s the new form you need to fill for the release or the staying of the patient. We didn’t have time to fax them to your office before you arrive.’’  
‘’Oh... great,’’ Quentin said, grabbing the paper. ‘’ Thank you, that will make us skip the step of transcribing everything we wrote on the old form.’’

The nurse smile, Quentin winked, she giggled. Poppy motion him to go toward the empty office and he followed her. Since when he was good at flirting with girls? Did he really pull the wink think, and it worked? Maybe the secretary was so tired she did not see straight anymore.   
******************

Quentin was holding Arielle in his arm while she was sleeping on his shoulder. The ride in the cab to his father house was long, but it felt wrong leaving Rupert alone there. Poppy was going back to Brakebills with Kady after she said goodbye to Penny. 

The plan had worked. 

How could everything have gone so smoothly? Kady had gotten the key from fake-nurse-Arielle, she walked herself out and waited in the park not far from there. Arielle even had time to bring back the badge to the secretary, saying she found it on the floor in the room where Quentin had stolen it in the first place. That way whoever got their badge stolen wouldn’t be blamed when they noticed Kady’s absence. He and Poppy had waited in the empty office for a few minutes before taking an exit that was not in front of the secretary. 

The plan had worked.

Well not really as planned though. They didn’t expect to have to question the doctor when Kady left, but Poppy had taken over most of the question with great focus. And they had to hide in an empty office so a secretary wouldn’t find suspicious that they leave right after giving them paperwork. But overall, things went well. Better than it could have. 

Then it hit Quentin; he hadn’t panicked. Things did go wrong, but his adrenaline took over and made him more focus on the task, not letting any space for his brain to spiral into anxiety and self-sabotage. Instead of thinking of all the way it could go wrong, he just looked at the task ahead and did it. 

Chuckling, Quentin kissed his wife's hair, pride blooming in his chest. Maybe those five years doing the tile changed him in more ways than he’d imagined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long pause. I have been brain dry for days now. I did kick my own butt to finish a chapter so huzza! Thanks for all the comment! I will reply to them all soon I promise. 
> 
> Love you all!


	7. Margo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Margo has too much to do to deal with her feelings toward 5-years-older-Eliot, and there is not enough wine in Fillory that could truly help

Margo couldn’t sleep. Which in itself was not surprising. Since Eliot left with Fen in the Muntjac, she had slept only a few hours at a time. As time went by, his silence worried her and kept her at night. Then, the fairy queen had decided to put a nail in her coffin by marrying her to a prince of the Floating-island-that-no-longer-floats. She had been supposed to married Jon Snow and now was stuck with Joffrey

Baratheon. Who was now sleeping in her bedroom. She had avoided sleeping there since then, going into Eliot’s room. Her nights were still short and agitated, but the sent of her best friend always calmed her down. Enough to fall asleep at least.

Then she got that fucking letter. And everything changed.

Not only Eliot was back after months of silence and return-to-sender bunnies, but he had aged, was somehow married to Quentin and had a child. Which was another layer of problems and drama that she didn’t need. She and Eliot just came back from the Physical Kids cottage where they had to expect to spend only a few minutes before going back to Whitespire before the fairy Queen noticed. Instead, this Arielle girl had convinced Eliot to stay for dinner so he could spend time with Rupert and he got stuck in a family dinner more awkward than those she used to share with her family. Which says a lot.

Between Eliot avoiding Quentin, Fen who was visibly more shaken by the news that she led on and this Poppy girl that had killed Benedict, Margo didn’t know her place in the group anymore. For a rare time in her life, she was happy that people were no focusing on her and all eyes were on someone else. Rupert, despite trying to resent him, was way too adorable for her to hate him. Not that she would say it out loud. But he was cute and made Eliot smile like never before.

So now they were back in the castle, Eliot went to his room for a bath. She should go back to her bed but not with Fomar expecting her. She thought of going into the deserted place of Quentin or Alice. As king and queen, they had their room there. And we're barely used.Better a slightly dusty bed and forced underage intercourse. She walked to the nearest guard and ordered him to find her lady in waiting and ask her for nightclothes and to bring them into queen Alice’s empty room. Confused but obedient, the  
men left his post. She looked at his ass and sighed heavily, cursing the designer of the guards’ attire. They were not flattering where it mattered.

God, she needed to get laid soon. Or a good masturbation seance that includes a bath, wine and her favourite toys. Not those quickies she indulges herself by fear that a fairy could materialize into her room.

“Bambi?” Eliot's voice echoed into the hall, and Margo turned to see her best friend leaning against the  
door of his room. He was bare chest with purple silk pants. Even with a couple of years taken away from him, he looked handsome. And probably knew it. “Why are you sulking in the corridor like this. ‘’Go sleep and get your beauty rest. Tomorrow is a big day.”  
“I was figuring out where to sleep” Margo reply not wanting to admit that part of her was indeed sulking in a half-empty corridor. “Used your bed when you were gone to avoid prince psycho. I was about to stay in Alice’s.”  
“You can still sleep with me if you want” Eliot offered, his eyebrow raised with surprise. “You know my bed is always open for you.”  
“Fen –“  
“Is still on earth. “ countered Eliot quickly before she could say anything else.  
“Quentin?”

Not for the first time since he was back, Eliot looks away from her. If she didn't know him, she would think this was shyness or blushing from love. But it was not for that. Not with Eliot. It was loaded with guilt and unsaid things. After drugging Fomar, on their way to the mushroom forest, they had made a pact to talk about what happened to him when the fairies and the quest of the key would be over. But maybe by then, it would be too little too late. Margo hated this grey zone with Eliot. She always knew where she belongs with him and now...

“On earth too. With ‘Elle... Arielle, I mean. And Rupert. “

Margo felt herself grimacing slightly, anger boiling inside her chest. She was used to its venom fueling her vein and making her stronger and smarter. She had been angry all her life. But this time it was different. It wasn’t petty jealousy like Mike. She couldn’t say what it was, but thinking of Quentin and Arielle made her want to hurt other people. And it was harder and harder not to aim it at Eliot

“Surprised you didn’t take Arielle offer to stay the night there. “ Pointed Margo.  
“Don’t be like that. “ Eliot sigh, putting his hand in his hair. “I told her, and you, that right now my priority was to help you fight the fairies. I was gone too long, and we both know it.”  
“Or is it because you wanted to avoid Q now that you are back in a reality where you two aren't supposed to be together?’’

She could see she sensitive point for Eliot by the way he looked at her. She started to feel bad but stop herself from going that route. She didn’t want to hurt Eliot, but she still wanted to be mad at him.

“Do you need a bath? I’ll make you one and order wine. We should talk.” Suggested Eliot  
“Since when are you the talking type” scuffed Margo, crossing her arm.  
“Bambi...”

Margo didn’t know what to feel, who to be angry at or where to go. She wishes she could disappear too. Five years without drama or life-threatening issue could do her so much good.

“The floaters have a sparkling rose I think you’d like. “ Margo sighed, walking toward her best friend.  
“Order some and dipped chocolate fruit and I might consider talking. “  
“Lavender oil in your bath?” beamed Eliot.  
“Is that even a question.”

****

Margo stayed in the bath until the water became cold. She took one of Eliot silk robe and draped herself in it before walking in his bedchamber. Eliot was in bed, reading one of the hundred scrolls that were waiting for him. Apparently, there were messages a High Queen couldn’t handle. Fucking patriarchy. She took a moment to look at her best friend, concentrated and frowned. He was five years older, yet nothing much had changed. But something has. It wasn’t his slightly long hair. Nor his complexion that betrayed many hours outside in the sun. He seemed... calm? That was it. The demons inside him were not there anymore. Of if they were, he seemed to have tamed them. 

Force to admit that most of his worries of the past year were either the kingdom or Quentin and since he couldn’t fix one of the problems he finally decided to date the other one. Though now it was obvious those two were avoiding each other. Margo should care and talk to Eliot about it. She had been telling him for months to do something about his feeling for Quentin instead of pinning and whining. She couldn’t muster the energy to care. She had her own boyfriend .... husband .... to avoid. And this was more important than anything else.

She put the last of the rose in her glass of wine and walked toward the bed, trying to enjoy the fact that Eliot was back. She had too many sleepless nights wishing he was here for her to spoil the moment. Finally, after months, they were back together. 

‘’Expected you to stay longer in your bath’’ Eliot said, slightly surprised as she sat next to him. At least he had the decency of closing his reading for their time together.   
‘’The water gets colder way faster when there is now magical fire to sustain it.’’ 

Eliot laughed slightly and opened his arm so she could sink in them. A gesture so natural to them that she forgot she was upset. She needed to feel his reassuring presence for one moment. 

‘’We should talk aboutabout.. you know. What happened.’’ Eliot said after a moment. 

Margo took her time to sip her wine before looking at him with her unique eye. 

‘’Since when do you want to actually talk about something?’’ she teased, trying not to show that it was what she genuinely believe. 

They never talked about deep things unless it was necessary. That wasn’t their deal. They were there for the other. Always. Helping. Coping. But not talking. 

‘’Since I had to stay in the same house with Q for five years and became a father,’’ Eliot said stealing her glass to drink.   
‘’You were a father before honey.’’  
‘’ Touché... Wanted to become a father then? ‘’ 

She scoffed, he smirks, she took back her wine and finished it. Despite how joyful their banter was, it has nothing but layers of hurt on both ends. Anyway on Margo’s part. All she wanted was to scream and cry and make the world fucking stop for two seconds so she could take a breath. 

‘’Bambi, I know you enough to read you. I know you are mad. But we did try to come back as soon as we realized we were stuck there. ‘’

Of course, he was saying that now. Not when Quentin decided to start a family there. That was not the type of things two boys working to find their way back were doing. This was a move of someone settling in. And of course, Eliot would. In this pocket timeline, he had Quentin for once. 

Bitterness gave Margo a sour taste in her mouth. 

‘’You realized that you are still married to Q right? The alliance with Loria is over now. ‘’ 

Eliot's face fell. The pretense was gone. His grip lessens on her, stopping their embrace. She still stays 

‘’One worry at a time shall we? Don’t we have to talk to the Fairy Queen about your bath idea before.’’  
Margo couldn’t hide the fact that she was proud of this idea. Making a deal on behalf of all fillorians, so everyone could see the fairies and their people would stop thinking they were reckless rulers. Just puppet after losing a well-planned overthrow of their monarch. 

‘’Yes. ‘’ she agreed. ‘’But expect that shit to blow up sooner than you want. You can’t avoid Q and Fen forever.’’  
‘’I am not avoiding I am merely.... not where they happen to be. On purpose.’’ 

He was joking. Trying to make her laugh. It was about to work, and she had to bite her inner cheek not to crack up. She wanted to be mad. To stay upset. She always forgave her best friend for everything. But this time, she was not sure she was ready to do it. 

He felt his hand nudging her side, knowing he had her and she rolls her eye, annoyed, as a smile appeared on her face. He laughs, she chuckled. 

It was a sign of truce. For tonight at least. 

‘’The kid’s cute though.’’ She admitted, letting him get up and grab her empty cup. He walked toward his liquor cabinet and got one of the wine bottles they snatched from the cottage before coming back. ‘’Are you sure he’s Quentin’s? ‘’ 

Eliot laughed and filled their cup; the red wine would be a nice change from the rosé of earlier. Felt more fitting for her mood. 

‘’Totally sure. Arielle and I don’t have that kind of relationship.’’ 

Margo was surprised by this. Eliot had never shied of telling his preference, but she knew he had girls in his past. Hell, she had been one of those in their time in Brakebill South. Their night of sex was the only thing making them sane. Alright, the moment he had Fen pregnant, he had asked her to make his wife understand she shouldn’t expect a lot of sex with him anymore. But still. He did get Fen pregnant after all. 

‘’I mean, share the same bed and the same boy. Pretty great for a daily threesome.’’ Eliot continued, going back in his bed and giving Margo her wine. She fell back in his arm, and they both drank in silence for a moment. ‘’And she never had a chance to be your replacement. I would never allow that. So please stop hating here. ‘’   
‘’I don’t hate her.’’

Margo sneered at the face Eliot made. She knew she had been a cold bitch at dinner. But between a happy baby, Eliot acting like a dad, Fen being excited and Fray probably still spying on them, she couldn’t handle any other emotion toward Arielle. She went to her default mode. Her protective mode. The bitch. It had saved her skin before and during Brakebills. It was still protecting her now. 

‘’Shut up and let’s talk about tomorrow. We need to concentrate. ‘’

Eliot nodded. Understanding that the topic was closed for the night. She would snap if he tried to push her to open and he knew it. For now, she just wanted to drink, feeling safe in his arm, planning to kill the fairy cunt and take back her power. 

The rest of the drama was for another day. Another bottle of rosé.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kind review and kudos I have received lately. I am sorry for the delay I am struggling to write but Im still trying because I love exploring my
> 
> P.S: to anyone that want to complain about not enough Queliot or Eliot, this is not a fic centred on them. Please refrain from any comment about that because it is not even a critism...its mostly you saying how you wish my fic was something else. Which...is rude.


	8. Fen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fen's heart became a black hole the moment The Fairy Queen ripped it out

Fen had never understood how Eliot had become so good at avoiding his own emotions. He always found a way to distract his mind. If it wasn’t from drugs, it was from alcohol. And from what she heard, before their marriage, having sex with strangers had been another option. Fen had been patient with her husband. She had been there during his withdrawal and at the worse of his state. She never understood how you could hurt so bad that you will get yourself addicted to something that made you feel nothing. 

She never understood, until today. Until she learns that her baby, her daughter, had been stillborn. Had never been. Had never cried. 

Fen finally understood all those nights Eliot got drunk until he passed out, how he used to crave for drugs when they were alone without his friends, why he might have been an addict when she’d met him. He too had been broken in many ways, and he had to chase the few seconds out of pain until it destroyed him too. She had worked so hard to make him sober, ease him into a drug less life. It had been a bit easier with alcohol since there was nothing good at first in the castle. But as time went, Margo had filled their cabinet; they had spells to make decent wine appear in their cup; he had gotten back to his habit of drinking. Especially when he learned that she was with child. She wasn’t sure if he’d been sober since then.

After being kidnapped, it had been to her great surprise that she came back to a fully aware husband who was ready to fight for her and against the fairies. Since they were undertaken, he had been mostly sober without her help. It had been a perfect time because, for a few months, her sense of reality went away. She had been in pain. So much pain that she mistook what was happening for a bad dream and her broken motherly instinct had her yearned to give her love to someone. To something. A log. She had carried a log and bunnies everywhere, giving them kisses and cuddles so she could pretend she was the mother she had wanted to be. The fairies had made this possibility impossible for her and she had found a way to make it happen. It had hurt her, but not that much. Part of her was still knowing, hoping that her daughter was alive somewhere. 

Fray. Fray had been a blessing. Of course, she’d jump on the opportunity to actually love another human being. Of course, the fairy Queen knew that and used it against her. Of course, Eliot had not believed so rapidly into the ploy. But she wanted to love Fray. Even if she didn’t felt that motherly bound yet, she will. If she works hard enough and spends time with her, she will. She will maybe not be able to take care of her as a baby, but as a growing teen, she could do that. Despite her best effort, Fray showed her vulnerability, her need of a family. Her desire to be taken care of, respected and loved were the reason she was trying to be distant and cold with Eliot and her. But in the end, Fray cared. She had realized her mistake and used her knowledge against the fairies that had abducted her; she forced the Fairy Queen to reveal a truth she didn’t want to admit. Before Fen had felt on the floor, sobbing and gripping Eliot, she had seen the sadness and grief in Fray’s eyes. 

Now she understood that Fray had sacrificed her safety in the fairy kingdom for them to know the truth. It was something that made everyone miserable, but at least no games were being played. At least, she knew that her tears were for the right reason. All the hope she had built inside her for her daughter to be alive, for Fray to be theirs. It was gone. For the first time in her life, Fen let sadness win over hope.  
She knew she should be a stronger wife for Eliot, but at the moment, she didn’t care. He had never wanted the baby. But she did. She had spent nights humming at her growing belly, talking to it. She had cried of joy when she had felt the little one move inside her. She had imagined Eliot and her taking care of their child and grooming them to be an heir to the throne and a source of goodness in the world. But this little girl didn’t have that chance. She didn’t even have the chance to have her first breath. 

‘’Do you want me to walk you to the tree stump that leads to earth’’ Whispered Eliot as he placed another kiss on her hair. 

She could feel his hand slowly dancing on her back and the strength of his embrace. In nearly two years of marriage, it was the first time she thought it was seeing her and was there for her. She tried to find happiness in that realization, but she didn’t have the heart to pretend things could be right. Not anymore. Not while everything she ever wanted had been taken away from her like this. 

‘’No, y...you have to go with Margo. I know the Fairy Queen want to talk t...to you.’’ Fen said, trying to calm down. 

She didn’t mind to cry in front of the guards, but going there had to be without the knowledge of their invader. Otherwise, they would seal the stump forever. She needed to have her wits and go there on her own. And it wasn’t by being a sobbing mess that she could do it. 

‘’Fuck the Fairy Queen,’’ Eliot said, tightening his embrace. ‘’ What do you want? What do you need?’’

Fen had tried to pretend Eliot hadn't changed since he was back from his five-years time travel with Quentin. But the fact that he was holding her, genuinely comforting her and just asked her those questions... she couldn’t pretend he was the same men anymore. She had prayed to the gods for so long, hoping for a kinder husband. And now that the gods were dead, she finally had it. What a stupid irony. 

‘’ I... I don’t know. ‘’ She realized, not knowing if she wanted him around or not. She didn’t even know how she felt, let alone how to handle the situation. And now she had to make a decision?!

Eliot didn’t push the question further. He merely held her until she there was no water left in her body to shred. They kept holding this position as the silence grew into the room. As her head sunk on his chest. She realized that his heart was beating faster than usual. When she found the energy to get her head up, she looked at him. It was with great surprise that he was seeing silent tears still falling on his cheek, his eyes red with emotions. 

“I...” He said, wiping his cheek visibly ashamed that she saw her that way. “I... I don’t know what to do or what to say right now. But, when we were...”

Fen patiently waited for him to gain back his calm so he could put back his facade of strength and emotionless ruler. But he didn’t. He did stop to cry, but he let her saw a side of him she rarely did; one of vulnerability and fear. One that was allowing her to see his true emotion, not the mask he always wore. Last time she saw him that way, they were not sure if Quentin would survive the surgery at The Retreat with the centaurs. 

“When we did the puzzle, Arielle got pregnant a few months after the wedding. Just like you. “ Eliot said, fixing a lock of hair behind her ear.

 

It was a habit he had with Margo when he was nervous and talking about something hard. Probably trying to distract from the conversation. But Fen felt herself more grounded than ever; it was the first time they even acknowledge that he had lived another life.

“You wouldn’t be surprised to learn that Quentin had a panic attack and I fled as far as I could from the house. “ He tried to joke. It didn’t work. Even for him. He couldn’t even smile. “But ‘Elle, Arielle, she lost the baby. She had a miscarriage and...it destroyed her. It changed a lot of thing in the dynamic of the house, but I know that she was not the same after. And you... I mean it’s even worse, I know, but if you need to talk to someone, I think she will be a good ear for you. “

Fen didn’t know there was a way to be even sadder than she’d felt before. She had spent a bit of time with the other fillorian, and it had been the first time Fen felt a connexion with someone. As if, with time, they could be friends. She was a fool if she’d believe any of the Children of Earth would ever want to be her friend. But maybe another Fillorian could understand her. It had felt that way. And now to learn that she too had lost a child... Fen eyes filled with tears but she nodded, appreciating that her husband would realize that she might need to be away, but being alone would not be a good idea. 

“I’ll send her a bunny, letting her know. We can send Rupert to his grandpa’ if you want. “  
“I think for the first day, it would be best.”

This gesture genuinely touched fen. It has been the first time in their marriage that Eliot was thinking of her needs and was putting aside everyone else for her comfort. It shouldn’t have taken so much hardship and heartbreak to happen, but there it was. Instead of being bitter, she should enjoy it. And she will. Later. She put a reminder in a small part of her brain, knowing that when she could feel anything but sorrow and emptiness, maybe this memory would fill her with joy. 

“Go send the message, “ Fen finally said, wiping her last tear from her eyes and brushing her finger to Eliot’s cheek to erase his. “I.. I’ll go to the stump. I know where it is.” 

Eliot nodded, they both got up and walk toward the door. But before he opened it, she tentatively hugged him, trying to show appreciation for him coming to comfort her. She know the man she married two years ago wouldn’t have done that, she could see his effort. 

“Good luck with the Queen, make sure she pays for what she did. “ She said as she hugged him. She felt his lips on her head.   
“We got an angry Margo to our side, and she knows how to serve good revenge.” 

The couple chuckle slightly, Eliot released the hug and hesitated. After a second he kissed her head then opened the door. She felt his hand on her back. If she were not swallowed with grief, she would have been probably happy about that. 

****   
Fen and Julia just came back from this horrible place where they discovered what happened to the fairies stuck on Earth. Julia had lower the music as she drove them back, hearing songs felt wrong after seeing such atrocities. Any sound felt wrong. Both girls were silent, lost in their thought, their horror. 

Fen didn’t expect to feel so sorrowful for Skye, but she did. Because that was the kind of person, she was. She knew that fairy was in her sort of misery and to blame her for what happened in another world was wrong. Julia had reminded her that she could hate the fairies, despite their kind, but still understand that going to the chaos of hatred could make her say and do bad things. After meeting Skye, Fen had felt bad for wishing her slavery. Especially knowing her masters were using her body part to have magic. The fillorian wipe the tears that had swell in her eyes at the simple reminder of what she’d seen. 

Maybe she should do like Eliot before his time as High King, and find a bottle to drown her sorrow until sleep takes her. Her heart was hurting so bad that she could not bear it. She had come here to avoid the sight of fairies, to grieve the loss of her daughter. Not to be an investigation that was leading to more blood and pain than she could bear. 

Could she hide in someone’s room and be sad? Could the world give her a break? 

People seemed to be in The physical kid cottage as they arrived. There was light coming from some windows upstairs, where the rooms were. She wondered if Alice came back from where ever she went. Talking to her had been oddly calming. From what she’d understood, her coming back to life had changed her. But who wouldn’t be? She’d heard that she became cold and mean, cruel even. But Fen had only met a young woman who gave her whiskey and admits that she was not good at, but if she needed to talk, she was good at listening. And she had been. She’d listen to the whole story, let her drink and made her lie down when she was too drunk. That what Fen had needed at that time. 

‘’I’ll take a shower and call us pizza. Do you have a favorite kind?’’ Julia asked as they opened the door. 

It was a strange thing that she did had a preference for pizza. A meal she only discovered a few weeks ago. 

But as she was about to answer, the young woman stop suddenly. The odour that was coming from the kitchen brought her back to Fillory. Not the castle, but when she was still living with her dad. She could hear the creak of the third step when you climb the stairs to her room or the laugh of one of her brother as they were bickering. It was another lifetime ago. And it came back to her like a ton of brick. This smell. It smells like home. 

Fen started to cry silently and walked to the kitchen to see Arielle, putting flour in a bowl and laughing at something Quentin had said. 

‘’Fen? ‘’ Julia said, noticing the lack of answer and odd behaviour of the fillorian. ‘’Is everything alright?’’   
‘’Oh hi!’’ Arielle exclaimed when she heard Julia. But her smile dropped when she saw Fen’s tear.

Fen didn’t even hear what the other said as she walked toward the oven and the steaming pot on it. She slightly jumped when Arielle came next to her with a tentative smile. 

‘’We were waiting for you, if by eight you wouldn’t show up we would have eaten without you but... ‘’  
‘’Did... did you made this?’’ Fen asked, her voice breaking. She took a deep breath, trying to erase the memories of her family crashing into her brain.   
‘’Yeah, Q said I was trying too hard, but I always liked that stew when I was not feeling good. ‘’

Fen jumped into Arielle’s arm, to the visible surprise of the other fillorian. Fen let out a sob she had been nursing since she had seen Skye. She felt the other woman hand slowly going up and down her back which only made her cry more. 

‘’Smell’s like home.’’ She finally managed to say after a few deep sobs. ‘’Papa made this too when we could.’’ 

Fen pulled out of Arielle embrace and saw the other woman look at her with kindness and understanding she was not used to receiving. For two years it had been nothing like this welcoming and understanding presence. Someone that might understand her on more than one level. 

***************

After a long and warm shower, Fen had put a silk pyjama that Margo had left here and gone to her bedroom so she could avoid the crowd downstairs. Poppy and Kady had joined them for dinner, which had felt too crowded for the emotional capacity she had. Nobody tried to pull her into the conversation, and when Julia had pressed her hand to ask if she was alright silently, Fen had merely nodded. A vague answer to an unspoken question. 

Because she felt good in the present. Eating fillorian stew and focusing on anything else than the sadness in her chest. But the moment she finished eating, she knew the pain would come back, and she left as soon as she could. 

The young woman didn’t have time to open a book when there was a knock at her door. After a few second, Arielle entered with two bowls and a small smile. 

‘’My tree layer peach cake is ready, I figured you might want some too. Quentin put ice cream on it; it is so good. ‘’

Fen nodded and extended a hand toward the bowl. She was not hungry at all, but she felt it had been an excuse for the other woman to see her. Fen started to eat and wondered why they never made that cake at the castle. It was one of her favourite treats when they would go into town with her father’s. It was only available during peaches season, but still. 

‘’I don’t know what to do or say to be honest. ‘’ Arielle said, sitting down next to her. ‘’And I don’t want to pretend that I know what you feel because it is so different. But, gods...Fen I am so sorry.’’

Fen’s bite turned into sands in her mouth, and it took her many chewing before she was able to swallow. All the warmth of the memories this dessert brought was gone now. The void was back and felt like surrounding her. Making her taste nothing, seeing in black and white. The world had lost his colour when she learns what happened to her daughter. 

‘’How did you got over it?’’ She finally asked, feeling it was the closest someone could understand how she will feel. ‘’How did you got back to your old life after it?’’  
‘’I didn’t,’’ Arielle said with a sad smile. ‘’The pain fades, but I get sad when I think about it. And trying to go back to where it was never was an option. You don’t get pregnant and stay the same. ‘’

Fen nodded. The moment she knew there was a baby in her, she had loved the child with all her heart. It was like her capacity to love had tripled and had concentrate on this little being she will welcome to the world. And now that the baby was gone, her love was still as big, but there was nothing to give it to. That what created the void. This need to love, to care, and not to be able to. 

‘’The boys had brought me to Brightsheaven to change my mind. It was the blooming festival. It was nice to have time alone with Quentin or even hiding in the inn while they were gone shopping during the day. But when we came back to The Cottage, someone was missing. We three felt it. Even when we got Rupert, it didn’t fill the void. Not fully. There’s a part of me that still mourn. ‘’

This small glance into the life she’d live with Quentin and Eliot felt so different than what she knew the two men to be. Contrary to her, Quentin and Eliot had decided to have a family with her not because they were forced under royal duties, but because they wanted. Fen knew she should feel jealous of this. But she knew that nothing romantic ever happened between her and Eliot. And also, right now the only thing she could feel was sadness and heartache. They were so intense that the rest of the emotions seemed numb next to it. 

‘’One day I’ll bring Rupert to a Blooming ceremony. To put some joy back into the event.’’ 

Fen had finished her desert and put the bowl on the small table next to the bed. Arielle ate, visibly uncertain of her answer. 

‘’Did Julia told you where we were? ‘’Fen asked. When Arielle shook her head, Fen told her the whole story. How she saw Skye which leads them to investigate more and to discover the horror of the fairies here. 

‘’I want to hate them.’’ Fen said, sniffling, ‘’But they are not the same kind of fairies that I saw in Fillory. They are... I don’t want to pity them. Or have any compassion for them. And yet I am forced into having some. And I hate it. ‘’   
‘’Compassion doesn’t mean you stop to hate them. It is a great thing to be able to look at an enemy and see its misery. Not a lot of people would be able to. ‘’  
‘’My teacher always said my heart would be the start of my glory or the end of me.’’ Snorted Fen, slightly comforted.   
‘’Mine said I'd never find a husband if I keep being stubborn.’’

Fen chuckled lightly, Arielle beamed and put her empty bowl on the nightstand. 

‘’Being offended by someone’s pain doesn’t forgive their action. It only proves that you are still human. It’s in the harder time that we see one’s real character. I think this is a reminder from the Gods to show you the strength of your empathy. Maybe they could be a way for you to grieve.’’  
‘’You still believe that Gods do something for us?’’ Fen asked, genuinely surprised at the comment. ‘’Didn’t Quentin told you what happens to them?’’  
‘’I know Ember and Umber are dead, but there are other Gods out there. Now if it changes my faith, I think this is a conversation for when your heart is healed, and there is a lot of wine for us to drink.’’  
‘’That sounds like a plan.’’

Fen took Arielle’s hand and pressed them, trying to show her gratitude. She was not sure to understand what she meant about her empathy is a good thing. It was harder for her to feel that deep hatred she knew she should have. But she knew that Arielle was not saying empty words to comfort her. 

 

‘’And I want you to know that we still want you in our family. I know Rupert will never replace your daughter, but when you are ready, he’ll be happy to receive all the love you can give him. ‘’

Fen felt tears form in her eyes as Arielle reminded her that she still had a family. It felt like she put a warm blanket over her pain. It was still there, but it was not a burden to carry alone. Not anymore. Not with Julia and Arielle by her side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! I manage to post something before NYCC at least. I might have made myself sad though ahah!  
> love you all


	9. Eliot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eliot didn't expect his return to his timeline to be so hard. With death at his door, maybe regrets and angst creeps in.

Eliot knew disappointment. That’s why he never expected anything good to happen to him. When you rip your life of high hope, you are less likely to get hurt. It was a grim way of living, but self-preservation had taught him to do so. 

Eliot knew heartbreak. After Mike, he had told himself never to fall in love again, and he had resisted his crush over Quentin because of it. He rather had him as a friend than lose him as an ex-lover. Sure, things had changed when they were stuck in the past, and now he started to worry he had done something that will break him forever, but right now, this was not the most important thing to worry about. Which was a lot to say. But love isn’t the only thing that broke Eliot’s heart. Seeing all his friend leaving for Earth while he was stuck with his new wife in Fillory had been harder than they will ever know. Learning that Margo had done the unthinkable to save his life had broken his heart too. He had forgiven her since and understood why she did it. Hell, he probably had done the same thing. But known what she’d done without Fen consent had broken Eliot’s heart. He always believes Margo to be harsh when needed, but not unnecessarily cruel. If they were in all of this mess, the Fairy deal was to blame. 

Eliot knew betrayal. From his father physically injuring him as Eliot discovered his sexuality. From his mother saying she loved him when she found his magic abilities and sending him away the day after. From Henry who had to promise Brakebills to be a place where he would finally be safe and where he belongs, only to have The Beast attack it and make him flee away in another world. Yes, Eliot knew betrayal. So why was he so surprise of the sudden treason of Tick? 

For the first time in his life, as he was going to his certain death, Eliot realized he didn’t want to die. Life was a fuck ton of problem and, honestly, not remotely as advertise, but now he had things worth living for. He wanted to continue to rule with Margo and grow old seeing her acting like the Queen she always been. He adored seeing what she had become in only two years and how it changed her for the best. He wanted many more years with her. He wanted to see Rupert try to walk, talk and go to school. Discover his own magic maybe. He wanted to be there to see growing this little man that he considers his own son. He wanted to hear Arielle laugh and sing, eat her three-layer peach pie and make her discover life in Whitespire. Having her being with Fen who desperately needed a friend and confidence. He fucking wanted to see Quentin. Kissing him and telling him how much he loved him. How much the few weeks without him had been a nightmare. How much, deep down, he missed their life back in the little cottage in Fillory. Eliot had found a family. It was broken, it was messy. But it was his, and it was beautiful. The beauty of all life. He had fucking found it. 

And now he was about to die.

Not that he thought his adviser particularly liked him, but he had stupidly believed that Tick had been understanding and stepped down his place of power when The Children of Earth came. Maybe the way Fen and her family had acted around the much ‘’awaited’’ future High King, had led him to think all the fillorians would be the same. He should have known better. Eliot was trying to understand why Tick had used this moment to do his rebellion. Did the fairy Queen make him a deal he could not refuse? Was it a pure opportunity and he took it when he’’ saw it? Was it the loss of Benedict that had changed something? Why now? Why here? 

‘’It was worth a try.’’ Sighed Margo as she sat next to Eliot after trying to convince the ship not to listen to Tick. Despite her stoic face, Eliot could see the fear and disappointment in her eyes. 

‘’Well, part of me always knew I would die with you next to my side. I am glad I was right on at least that part.’’ Eliot said, grabbing Margo hand. 

The young lady scuffed in dismissed, but her hand squeezed back and were trembling. 

‘’Right, you must be so glad you came back from your perfect life with your family to die next to me’’ Margo said with bitterness and anxiety. 

Eliot pulled her toward him as much as his chain could and took her in his arm, kissing her forehead. Her small frame leaning against him made him feel a bit stronger, giving him, maybe, the nerve he had been trying to find for the past hour. 

‘’There is no place I’d rather be than here.’’ He said. Knowing Margo would not believe him, he continued. ‘’The Puzzle and life with Q and Arielle and Rup were great, amazing even. But it was not perfect. You were not there. And that was always the reason why I continue that fucking puzzle every single day.’’

Margo scuffed and looked at him. There were tears in her eyes she was trying not to spill. So he continued to talk. Telling her things he knew they would never have spoken if this was not the end. Their hand. 

‘’I swear to God, you were the only reason I came back here Bambi. I could not live a quiet life and building a family knowing what was happening to you. I... Fuck I talked about you so much that if we’d had a girl, her middle name would have been Margo. And it was not my idea. It was Arielle’s. So don’t give me those eyes. I know things are fucking weird since I am back, but I don’t want you to die thinking you were not the most important woman in my life. ‘’  
‘’I will tell your wife.’’ Laughed Margo, choking up through her tears. 

Eliot kissed the tear on her right cheek, then kissed her forehead. Margo melted into his arm, her head against his chest. All was forgiven. They both knew it. No need for long speech or declaration of love. That was not how they worked, 

‘’Fuck I can’t hate Arielle anymore can’t I?’’ chuckled Margo which made him laugh too.  
‘’Yeah, she is annoyingly hard to hate. Believe me, I tried.’’ 

Margo was about to speak when suddenly, a voice rang into Eliot’s head. A sound that made his heart sink into his chest. A voice that removed the sense of calm those few minutes in Margo’s embrace had created. A voice that, apparently, Margo too could listen. 

Was that Quentin? 

**** 

Once again, David Bowie saved Eliot’s live. This should be the title of his memoir or something like that. It had been unexpected, but he and Margo had followed the direction of their favourite super nerd and, as they were inches away from their death, they sang a song Eliot had to listen on repeat during his first year out of Indiana. And now, the Muntjac was flying in the sky, saving them from certain death, and their chains were broken. 

Split a family in two. 

Signing those words had put a dagger in the High King’s heart. He wanted to see Quentin and kiss him. He wanted to hear Arielle’s laughter. He wanted to hold Rupert until he fell asleep. All of this, but with Margo as a friend and confidant by his side. He had to almost die without one last glance to realize he couldn’t run away this time. He wanted his family with him. And Margo always was the first person he ever considers his family. His soulmate. 

Margo was now outside, looking if they had lost all their crew to Tick rebellion or if some poor soul had been required to die with them. Probably nobody stayed, and it was for the best. Nobody should be bound to servitude to the point of dying with their ruler. This was not ancient Egypt.; Though, he wouldn’t mind a 500-foot tall tombstone in his honour. 

There was no rabbit, so no way to contact the other and see what happen to them and if they had saved Josh from whatever fuckery he had been into. He was trying to be optimistic and think that no news meant no bad news. But maybe it was also because everyone was dead. Who knew. 

Fuck he needed a drink. And a bath. And a blowjob. Not necessarily in this order. 

 

*****

Eliot and Margo were now in the air for more or less twenty-four hours and had received a bunny announcing Josh, Alice and Quentin coming to the boat to talk about the quest. 

The idea of having to face Quentin had put him in a state of anxiety that none of the alcohol in the boat could ever soothe. So instead of trying to drown his feeling, he merely told Margo he needed time alone and went by the side a window, smoking fillorians herbs and let his mind wander. For the first time since he came back, he thought of Nakia and her little healing house near The Cottage and the puzzle. She was long gone now, and a pang of sadness tugged Eliot’s heart even more. It seemed that the more he thought, the sadder he was getting. Part of this awful feeling was the guilt he was feeling for having remorse leaving his quiet life. 

What he had said to Margo was true. He did continue the puzzle to get back to her. Hell, he even went to a God when he thought a dream of her death might be a vision of the future. But yet, he missed the simpler time. Waking up in a tangle of lib in a bed shared by two other people, the taste of the awful coffee fillorians had, the daily task of yet another puzzle pattern to finish, the smell of Arielle’s food, the feeling of Quentin’s lips, the sigh of the three of them after an intense session of lovemaking. And of course, all the little thing Rupert did. It had been perfect. If only Margo had been there, things would have been even better. 

He had been ready to sacrifice everything and do this puzzle until the end of his life. Now, part of him wanted to go back there and die in the bliss of a calmer and simpler life. Long was gone the king of Brakebills need of constant approval, or desire to be the best high king Fillory ever had. He just wanted to be with his friend, his lover and his son. 

Having a taste of it and then having it taken away from him was the harshest withdrawal he ever had. And he used to be a cocaine addict. 

‘’DADA!’’ A small voice exclaim. 

In the silence of the boat, Rupert's voice was amplified, and Eliot could feel his sorrow lessen a little. Unable to stop a grin to be on his face, he extinguishes the half-smoked cigarette he had and walked toward the bedroom where Margo had been napping. Coming out from the door was Arielle, wearing one of the flower dress he’d bought her online before leaving. In her arm, Rupert was in looking everywhere, excited. His little arm pushed forward, hand grabbing the air; the moment he saw Eliot he wanted to be in his arm and almost tried to jump from his mother arm. 

Eliot walked faster to grab him and put the little body against him in a tight embrace that showed how much he missed him. He had tried to push this part of his aching heart away, knowing that it was better for his family to be on Earth than a boat that was on the edge of killing him and Margo. But now that they were in a relative state of safety, having him here was a blessing. 

‘’I think he missed you,’’ Arielle said kissing his cheek softly before letting the father continue to hug his son.   
‘’Please tell me that it’s Quentin that dressed him and not you,’’ Margo asked, making Eliot realize that everyone was now in the main room; Alice, Josh, Margo and Quentin had followed not long after Arielle and Rupert had. 

Eliot guessed that Quentin was blushing because he was unable to look at him. Unsure of what they were and scared of the answer. He rather have a maybe than a definitive no. And having a baby in his arm was the perfect excuse not to look at anyone. 

‘’In fact, Fen did, but I don’t think we own any Earth clothes that is not related to one of the things Quentin likes. ‘’ laughed Arielle. ‘’Don’t make those eyes love, I love it. And this time, I know it’s about Doctor who!’’  
‘’When I met him, he had a pokemon shirt and stormtrooper socks, the fandom mixture was quite strange’’ Agreed Josh. 

People were bickering and laughing, even Margo. Eliot didn’t really listen. He sat on the nearest chair and put Rupert on his lap, turning the little boy so he could see his face. Rupert had his mother heartwarming smile and was visibly interested in the texture his satin outfit was providing. And his little hand touching his outfit almost made him cry of joy; this is why he had wanted to survive the death sentence, this is why he knew he had changed.

‘’I told Arielle to come with us. ‘’ Alice said, sitting next to him, visibly uneasy by the cacophony of the people around 

She tugged at her dress. For the first time, Eliot felt that she was wearing it as a pretense of the Alice she use to be and not the one who was here now. Was it for Quentin or her own sake? He was not sure. He knew he should have looked after her, knowing she came back to life and had broken even more Quentin’s heart. But part of Eliot was scared that, if ever the old Alice came back, her love for Quentin would too. Which was a stupid fear, when you think of it. The person he was when he enters Brakebills was so different than he was now, he could never go back to that state in his life. And he hasn’t been a niffin. 

‘’Fen and Julia are meeting with the Fairy Queen, and from what I heard of Fen’s story, I think Rupert was safer here. ‘’

‘’This is really thoughtful of you,’’ Eliot said, genuinely touched. 

Of all the people, he didn’t expect Alice to be one of Fen’s friend. But his wife had the gift of surprising him every day. 

‘’I didn’t do it for Q, ‘’ Alice said, visibly wanting to make it clear. ‘’I did it to protect Rupert from whatever fairies do to humans. Not for anything else than that. ‘’ 

‘’Alright. I know you hurt. It’s hard to think of others during that times. I know how much of an ass... of a jerk I used to be.’’ He said, trying to censure his word a little bit in the presence of Rupert. ‘’So thank you. ‘’  
‘’Yeah. No problems... ‘’ She sighed and looked at Margo and Arielle talking in the corner of a room while Quentin was doing a quick tour of the boat to Josh. Then Alice looked at Eliot a way she never had before; it was not with contempt or resentment, not even hatred or annoyance. It was a look of fear and sadness. ‘’It’s not because we all had a shitty childhood that he deserves one. You know.’’

Eliot nodded, not sure to understand what she truly meant. Of course him, Arielle and Quentin were trying their best to protect Rupert from the evil of this world. Even adding Fen to the balance to give him more love and care than he already had. Maybe coming back to their time had been a dangerous thing to do, assuring a life far away from the quiet comfort of The Cottage. But now that he held him in his arm, Eliot remember why he had sacrificed his happiness; it was to finish the quest. It was to bring things back to normal It was for Rupert to live in a world where magic existed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry for the delay. It has been a crazy couple of week. I am not half happy as I wanted with this chapter but I hope you enjoyed part of it. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you for your patience and care!


	10. Julia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julia have her magic back and now she want to use it for good. And she is slowly learning the many ways it can do good to others.

Julia was wakened up by the happy chatter of Rupert from downstairs. The young girl groans and rolled over. Her best friend kid was cute, but he was too much of a morning person for her. Way, way too early. Trying to battle her body that was trying to wake up, she heard the door open and close, and everything went back to silence. Arielle must have gone outside like she does to avoid to wake them up. Not that it ever worked, but the gesture was appreciated. 

Still half asleep, she felt a body next to her, and her eyes opened rapidly, her heart skipping a beat. As her body shook with a fear she couldn’t control, she saw Fen sleeping next to her, hugging her pillow and at peace, for once. Taking a deep breath, Julia tried to calm down, knowing entirely why she reacted that way and yet still hating it. 

Wait why was Fen in her bed? 

Did she sleep with Fen last night? 

Blinking, again and again, hoping that her brain would wake up as well, she tried to remember the night before. But nothing. She looked at herself and saw she was still wearing her clothes from the day before. And Fen was in pyjama. Alright, nothing happened. Because there was no way in hell, she would put back those skinny jeans if she had slept with someone and wanted to spend the night in their bed after. 

Then she remembers coming to see Fen who was talking with Arielle. The three of them talked until late and Julia had stayed when Quentin’s wife went to bed. The two of them had gossip about the new fillorian in their life, and it had become really sad really quick for Fen. She had said something about not having friends and being lonely. 

Yeah, Julia knew a thing or two about that. 

Even before, when her life was magicless, and she was with James, they had all those, but she never felt any real connection with them. She would never admit it to his face, but Quentin had been right when he told her she had changed for James. Did she become...normal? Boring? What society wanted her to be and not the fangirl she wanted to be. Because she saw Quentin continuing to be himself, despite everything, and it was making him miserable. But had she been happy to go the other way? Not really. At the end of the day, James had his memories wiped; she never felt the need to reach for her old friends, the only person she always wanted to talk was Q. 

And she couldn’t. And that was the second worse feeling of loneliness she ever felt in her life. The first one was the thirty-seven minute it took Marina to come home after Reynard had left. Kady had fled as she should have, and the corpse of her friend surrounded her. 

Feeling a mixture of deep sadness and urge to throw up, Julia knew that she would not go back to sleep now. Not when he mind was already so deep into the past, she was trying to conquer. 

And now that her brain was waking up, she remembered that she had to meet Skye tonight. And she knew nothing about fairies or their magic. Which was one step harder when she couldn’t even see her.   
Groaning and cursing the adorable baby that lived in the Physical Kid’s cottage, Julia rolled out of bed and left Fen’s room on the tip of her toes. She went into her bedroom to take new clothes and went for the bathroom to take the longest shower in her life. 

Then coffee. Then, digging the library for some information. Any information. Anything to make her stop thinking about herself and start to help others. 

 

****

‘’Julia, can I ask you something?’’

Julia had met Arielle at the library, and the two of them were doing their research at the same table. Rupert was happily playing on the floor and asking his mother too much attention for her to read fast. Since there was no librarian to bother them with rules, Julia had brought a coffee mug with her and Quentin’s wife had the same idea. Though, she did refill their cup with magic instead of walking back to the Physical Kids Cottage. 

‘’Of course. What’s up?’’ Julia asked, raising her eyes from a book that didn’t tell her anything she didn’t know.

Arielle turned the book she was reading so Julia could read. To her surprise, it was a book Naturals kids would get at their first year in the house tree. From what she could see, it was basic natural magic, but still important to know. 

If you know the base of a spell, you can change it to make it your own. Marina had told her. It had been one of the first things she ever taught her when Julia was still a confused reject from Brakebills and Marina alive and powerful in New York magical underground. 

‘’I wanted to do something for Fen. There’s something we do during a burial in Fillory that I know you don’t do here. But I think doing it could help her in her grief.’’ 

Julia frown, looking at the book and the simple plant growth charm. 

‘’And Q told me to see if mister Fogg could find a spell that could do,’’ Arielle said, picking up Rupert from the floor as he was becoming curious of the many books on the table. 

‘’And he helped? That is surprising. Lately, he only makes snarky remarks and drinks. ‘’  
‘’Oh he was wasted. But I didn’t live with Eliot and not have learned how to handle a sarcastic drunk.’’

Julia laughed genuinely for the first time in weeks. She was not sure if it was the stress, the lack of sleep or the surprise of those words, but it made her it a better mood. It was nice to know that Quentin had found someone who could hold herself on her own, his anxiety couldn’t handle anything else. 

‘’ He told me to get this book. And I found this. ‘’ Arielle continued, making sure her son was not eating a dusty tome.‘’I know it might be a lot to ask but could-   
‘’of course, I will do it’’ cut Julia, seeing Arielle visible unease. She had said to Fen she wanted to help as much as she could. Plus, part of her wanted to know what that ritual was. ‘’It’s straightforward to do. ‘’

Seeing Arielle visible relief, Julia understood how nervous the young woman was. She wasn’t sure why though. Was it because of her, or because of her magic? Either way, the Fillorian shouldn’t be so nervous around her. The young girl knew that, sometimes, she could give an impression of pure coldness, indifference even.But she had tried to be warm and welcoming. The moment she saw Quentin look at her, she knew, she had to. He always had been supportive of her boyfriends. She had to be with his...wife? 

Strange. 

‘’Let’s get the ingredients.’’ 

An hour later, right before everyone was leaving for their part of the quest, Arielle had put Rupert for a much-needed nap and managed to gather everyone in The Cottage and went in the backyard. Even Dean Fogg was there, which was once again surprising. This man never did something without reason, but this time Julia couldn’t find his reasoning. 

‘’Right uh...’’ Quentin said, clearing his throat as Arielle arrived with a confused Fen. ‘’So in Fillory they have this thing they do when they uh... during a burial. It’s really great, and nothing was ever said about that in the Plover book - ‘’

Julia grinned, amused, as Kady gave her an annoyed glance. Quentin always was different when he talked about Fillory. More confident, more passionate. It amazed Julia that, despite all the hardship he’d had there, despite being trapped there for five years, despite now being a father, he still had this boyish attitude when it came to talking about Fillory. 

‘’ Wait.’’ Fen cut Quentin, frowning. She looked at Arielle, then Quentin, then Julia. 

Todd, Alice and Kady were visibly the only one out of the loop, and Julia felt a quiet rage rising inside her friend. Julia gently touched Kady’s arm to calm her down then gave the seed she just enchanted a few minutes earlier. Fen was crying as she received it and looked in awe at the small hole Quentin had dug. 

‘’Uh... okay?’’ Kady finally said, cutting the deepening and emotionally charged silence.   
‘’We always put a seed in the ground with the ashes. ‘’ Calmly said Arielle, getting out three ribbons. ‘’And we put a ribbon of colours. I wanted to do it for my family since they are long gone now. ‘’

Kady shift uneasy as Arielle showed a green ribbon. 

‘’And when we learn of Fen uh... Arielle had the idea we could do it for her too. I mean there are no ashes, but it’s more of a symbol you know. ‘’

Todd leaned over Kady and Julia, asking if he had missed a piece of information since what they were saying kind of made sense, but didn’t at the same time. Julia smile, taking a deep breath and simply told him to watch. She gave a glance at Kady, silently telling her the same. Alice was pursing her lips, visibly studying the scene and trying to understand on her own. 

Fen and Arielle went toward the small hole and put the seed and the ribbon. Then said something nobody but them could understand. But Fen was laughing through her tears, and somehow, Julia knew she was now opening her heart to healing. Julia felt her own heart slightly less cumbersome as well. Maybe she was healing too.

‘’Thank you,’’ Quentin said, standing next to Julia and grabbing her by the waist to kiss the top of her head. 

The lack of awkwardness toward physical affection was strange coming from Quentin, but she decided to accept it instead of questioning it. She knew the friend she grows up with had aged and changed, and she was trying to enjoy the discovery she had from him, instead of resenting them. 

‘’It’s Plopper number 7 with Lampkin Plant’s growth. Nothing hard.’’ Julia said, knowing that was not what he meant. 

Both Arielle and Fen were leaving the place where they’d been, dirt now filling the hole. Julia felt Quentin’s hand rubbing her back as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She try to channel the spark that she felt sometimes. She wanted her magic to work now. Fen needed her magic to work. 

With precise movement, Julia moved her finger in the way Lampkin Plant’s growth charm required. She felt the familiar warmth growing inside of her chest and expending in her whole body. She felt the energy around her like she never did before magic disappeared. And within seconds, a sprout was coming out of the ground. Magic seemed to conduct Julia’s finger as she continued the motions beyond what the charm asked. 

She felt wind pick up in her hair and Quentin's hand had left her arm. She heard Kady swore. When she opened her eyes, Julia beamed with pride and swore as well. In front of them was a peach tree which, impossibly, was growing white roses at the same time. 

Fen threw herself in her arm and Julia had to steady herself not to fall on the floor. Holding the sobbing young girl made her understood, despite leaving her world, how much Fen had needed this little fillorian tradition. As she hugged tightly the girl that was becoming her friend, Julia noticed that the spark of magic didn’t fade. Usually, after a spell, it went away just like a flash of fire in the dark. But this time, there was still a little warmth inside her chest that was there to stay.   
****

In all of her life, Julia never believed that she would sing David Bowie in front of a confused fillorian while a fairy was frozen in the second before she died. 

Wow, even this sentence barely made sense.

Fuck she loved magic. 

****   
Julia knocked at Alice’s bedroom door, wondering if she was about to do a stupid thing or a good thing. But she had let her guts talk to her a bit more lately, and it had been right. So it must be for this too. Biting her lips, she was about to knock again when Alice open the door, angry and annoyed. 

‘’Can I come in?’’ She asks ed

‘’If it’s to tell me I was wrong, don’t bother. I wasn’t, and you know it.’’ Alice said and yet moved from the door to let Julia enter. Unsure where to sit or to go, she stayed on her feet and put her hand in her pocket.

‘’In fact, I wanted to tell you that I agree with you,’’ Julia said which visibly surprised Alice who stops the frantic cleaning of her desk. 

There were so many books and papers, how could she find anything in this chaos. 

‘’ Yelling at Quentin might not have been the best way to say it, but I still agree with what you said. The house won’t be safe for Rupert. It’s a good idea that he should go with Q. I calmed things down after you left and talked with him. Arielle will follow so Rupert won’t bother your side of the quest or Eliot’s. ‘’

‘’I- oh. Good.’’ Said Alice who visibly wanted to be angry but didn’t know at what or where to aim her anger. The blond sat on her bed and crossed her arm. 

Julia slowly walked to the bed, and when she saw no resistance from Alice, she sat next to her. 

‘’I didn’t come about them. I just... Are you ok? I know, I know it’s a dumb question. But...’’ Julia started to play with her hair as Alice's face became even more guarded of any emotions.

Julia was never good with girl friends, but this woman was at another level. Trying to read her was like trying to understand old latin; easy when you know the keys and codes, impossible if you come without preparation. 

‘’Look I have no idea what you are going through right now. Fuck none of us are but... ‘’ Julia looked at the closed door then the magician next to her. ‘’ I know what it is to be you against them. I... I know what it is to have nowhere that feel safe where you can take a break and scream at the world how much you hate it. ‘’

Julia tried to focus on the magical spark she still felt in her instead of the coldness that was threatening to swallow her heart. The year after Reynard...Everything until discovering she had magic when other didn’t... they had been the darkest and most terrifying of her life. She still had to live with a lot of guilt for many horrible things she did or said during that time. It was hard not to lean on the despair and battle for hope. But the more time she spent doing it, the more she was healing. Or at least, ready to let people back in her life.

First her friendship with Q. Then Kady. Then Fen. Then Arielle and Rupert. Now she would try for Alice. 

Alice who was visibly shaking and clenched her fist, not trying to explode. That, she understood too. When Eliot came to her house and kicked her out of her couch, it had been as much of a pain in the ass than a blessing. She might still have been there if he didn’t reach for her, knowing somewhat how she felt. And now it was her turn to help. 

 

‘You freaking out on Quentin and I was the proof that part of you want to care.’’ Julia continued since Alice didn’t answer. ‘’You were right. Bringing the Fairy Queen here while a baby is around is a terrible idea. One that Fen didn’t even think of since our heads were too deep in the fairy problem to see anything else.’’

‘’What is your point?’’ Said Alice in a voice that was meant to be snappy but cracked in the end. 

‘’I- Seeing you freak out about Rupert just reminded me that I am not far away from your pain. You of all people know the real reason I tried to give you my magic. ‘’

‘’Honestly, you might do more good with it than I would ever do.’’

‘’When you were fighting to keep it, Fogg told me that magic doesn’t fix problems, it amplifies it- ’’

Alice snorted, her lips twitching. 

‘’He says that to every first year during his welcome speech.’’ She snorted. ‘’It’s so cliché.’’  
‘’Cliché but right. I had magic when I hurt, and I did so much damage around me with it. And maybe if I didn’t have access to it for a moment, it would have been better. Now I know why I want magic, why it’s important. Not to take it for granted or as a means to an end. ‘’  
‘’Are you saying it’s a good thing I don’t have magic right now?’’  
‘’Maybe. Maybe not. But I know that I was so focused on my own revenge and quest for answers that I used magic the wrong way. I- shit I am realizing now that if you died in the first place, if you had to niffin out yourself to kill The Beast, it’s because of me. The first plan would have worked if I didn't have focus so much on Reynard.’’

As Julia realized this awful truth, she felt tears in her eyes. Tears that she would not allow to shed. Not here anyway A chill crept on her and as she was looking at Alice hard face melting into confusion and rational thinking. 

‘’You are not the only reason why I died. ‘’ Alice finally said after a silence that was heavy with memory and guilt. 

Julia could feel the sadness and flood of memories coming inside Alice. It was strange how lately, she had been good at reading people and their emotion. But right now, with Alice, it never felt so natural. 

‘’Don’t tell anyone. But I had that backup plan ready the moment we decided to go to Fillory.’’ Alice admitted, hanging her head low and using her blond hair as a curtain to hide her face. ‘’Even before Q cheated on me. I... I think part of me knew we couldn’t do this without one of us dying. And - ‘’

Julia felt the deep void Alice had felt when Charlie had been boxed in a niffin box, unable to reach anymore. She could feel how she had been suicidal for years and this had been one of the closest moment where she had wanted to kill herself. She saw the moment she went to her aunt because she knew she could not go to her parents. She also felt the spark of hope and happiness Quentin had light in her when they died and how losing it to Eliot had taken her down even more. Julia saw and felt everything and yet, only a second had passed. 

Alice cleared her voice. 

‘’What I am saying is that I never asked to be brought back and now that I am, I don’t know who I am and what I know. It is so frustrating I always feel I have the answer not far from reach and yet the more I think, the fewer memories I have. I had so much knowledge of magic Julia. So much. And I tortured and killed and hurt people when I was a niffin. Just because I could. Because magic could.’’

Alice was wiping her eyes, Julia wondered if she ever cried about all of this. Part of her wanted to hug her and comfort her, but she knew that it would break this moment of confidence and raw vulnerability. Alice doesn’t wear her heart on her sleeve like Fen. It had protected her for years, and it would be cruel to do anything but listen, now that she was opening up. 

‘’I don’t think I should have magic, Julia. I don’t think none of us should.’’

Julia bit her lips, understanding. She was afraid of owning magic as they were speaking. It was the most precious of gift and yet the one that could do the worst kind of collateral damage. 

‘’I think right now you need to focus on you. You have something most of us will never have: a second chance at life. And yes it’s messy, and it sucks, but it doesn’t mean it’s not worth it. I don’t know who would I be if I never had Reynard in my life. Hell, who would I have been if I’d be at Brakebills?’’  
‘’I think we would either have become best friends or the worst enemies.’’  
‘’Probably both.’’  
‘’Probably both’’ Agreed Alice, laughing through the tears she was trying to stop

Alice did something that surprised Julia. And she took her hand. Squeezing it hard while trembling. A silent thank you. A silent request for this moment never to be spoken to others. Julia smiled softly, trying to reassure the young girl. 

‘’What I am saying is, that before you ask yourself what to do with magic and who should have it, you should ask yourself who do you want to be. With or without magic, what will Alice 2.0 be? ‘’

Alice looked at Julia a moment, processing her words and then nodded. Then, once again surprising the brunette, she hugged her. And Julia felt how much Alice had needed someone to acknowledge how she was hurting and simply listen, without any judgement or other mixed feelings. 

Julia promised herself that, after dealing with the Fairy Queen and the fairies on Earth, she would take time to be with Alice. And try to be the friend she needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, thank my insomnia for that chapter I wrote it all in my head yesterday night and here it is today! It was my first time writing Julia i hope i did her justice!
> 
> Thank you for reading
> 
> love  
> Cath


	11. Arielle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arielle ends up in more political turmoil than she ever expected in her life.

“Hi, Muntjac. I am Arielle, and this is Rupert. We want to thank you for saving Eliot and Margo. “  
“ dadadadada” agreed Rupert who raises his arm to touch the tree.

Maybe it was her imagination, but Arielle was pretty sure the red core of the tree glows redder than he ever had.

“We are near Whitespire,” Quentin said as he approaches them.

Rupert was still interested by the texture of the Muntjack branch so Arielle boosted him up on her arm so her son could have a better reach and she could see her husband. She tried to put a smile on her lips, but his guilty eyes made it hard. When he kissed her, she answers with all the words she worries and loneliness she wishes she could admit. He seemed to understand. Somehow.

“We will be quick” he promised on her lips  
“ first, be safe, “ she asked, and he answered yes by kissing her again.

Only Rupert protest made the couple stopped. The little one wanted out of her mother’s arm, probably wishing to explore the root of the sentient tree in front of them. With a laugh and eyes filled with love, Quentin took his son and put him on the ground.

“Now don’t bite the wood. I know you will want to, but it’s not for eating’”

Arielle chuckled and melted in her husband arm as he wraps his hand around her waist.

“The beds are ready for you and Rupert in the crews' cabin. Are you sure you don’t want to sleep in the Royal quarters.”  
“ I think Eliot rather sleep with Margo than I and a fussy baby. “ the women argued.’’ Plus it’s not my place to be there. It’s theirs.”  
“You are the wife of a king now,” Quentin said in a teasing voice, his hand possessively going over her ass. “You are allowed royal quarters.”

Arielle giggle, having forgotten that Quentin was indeed the second king of Fillory. The idea of Eliot as High King was already strange enough, but Quentin too... for her, they were still the two strange men doing an impossible puzzle and in love with one another even before she arrived. 

And since they were back, they had barely spoken of anything but the Quest.

“There’s no crew on the ship anyway; I will have the whole room to myself. So don’t worry.”

She looked at the rest of the room. Josh was looking out of the window, Alice and Margo were debating something, and Eliot pretended to read a map. Pretended because his eyes were not moving. He probably was lost in his thought.

“You should go talk to him,” Arielle said, motioning the High King with her head.  
“He seems busy” Quentin argued. “And I want to spend time with you.”  
“Q, my love, I hope you know you two are terrible at hiding that you avoid each other. You know that?”

Quentin sigh and lean to kiss her neck, giving her shivers that made her close her eyes for a second and leaned in her husband arms even more. 

‘’Uh-hm. ‘’ She said gathering back her thoughts, ‘’ Don’t distract me, sir. You need to talk to Eliot.’’  
‘’It’s easier said than done.’’ Said Quentin, still hidden in the crook of her neck... He was suddenly tense and what had been a warm and loving embrace had lost its romantic appeal.   
‘’You use to be able to talk to him about things. Especially since I arrived in your life. You were getting better. What would it change now?’’ 

She was now playing in his hair. Missing the length they had before. In a way, she realized, they were the symbol of what had changed; they were back to their timeline. Where she and Rupert shouldn’t exist. This idea put a lump in her throat and made her surprisingly sad. She had always seen their presence in her time as a blessing of the gods. Now she was wondering if it was more like a curse for all of them; they had to sacrifice their lives in the future, or she had to sacrifice her life in the past. Whatever choice they had made, one would never truly fit in the other’s time. 

‘’Eliot and I were pretty good and not admitting our attraction to each other.’’ Reminded Quentin who had told their stories in Brakebills before. ‘’ It was just easier that way. With Fen and Alice and Idri...and now...’’ 

Quentin looked at her with a mixture of sadness and anxiety she knew too well. He was about to spiral into a dangerous place, and she was not sure what to do for it not to happen. 

‘’I don’t know who those boys were’’ Admitted Arielle. ‘’But when I met you, you were learning to love each other without fear and even when I came in the equation, we learn to do it together. But for that, you had to stop doing the puzzle for a couple of hours and talk. And I think you need to do that now, here. When you come back from Whitespire, take a moment away from the Quest and talk with him earnestly. Both of you are miserable right now.’’ 

Quentin was not looking at her, visibly lost in his worries and letting his anxiety take over. 

‘’I will look you in a room until you two talk.’’ half-teased Arielle, taking Quentin’s head in her hand. ‘’Don’t make me do it. ‘’

Quentin smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, but he nodded. Probably knowing she was stubborn enough to make them talk, whatever the means were. 

‘’Q? We’re here; we need to jump soon!’’ Josh said, almost bouncing near them. 

Quentin sigh and nodded and took Rupert in his arm for a loving hug. The little boy protested slightly, having found interest into crawling on the Muntjac’s root. He kissed Arielle one last time and left with Josh to go on the upper deck; Alice was already waiting for them to jump on the nearest balcony of Whitespire. 

*****  
Eliot was taking care of Rupert while Arielle was in the royal quarters with Margo. The fillorian was trying not to let fear creep into her, but it was the first time she was alone with the High Queen, and she was terrified. Margo always was polite with her, but there had never been anything warming about her. At least, the past hour, she had let her join the conversation as they were sending bunnies to Idri and the Stone Queen. 

‘’I think we should look into Fen’s wardrobe. You have more of the same frame than I. Nothing I have would fit you.’’ Margo said, opening a closet with dresses of all colors and fabric. Arielle's eyes widen at the luxury wardrobe in front of her that seemed so natural for Margo. Did she realized how impossible it had been for her at her farm even to possess one of these gowns. Now there was a dozen of them. ‘’They are what she brought for their travel, so I am not sure what she has, but I have been working on Fen’s sense of style since I met her and it’s getting there. So let’s see...’’

Margo looked at many options, her lips pursed yet visibly happy to do it. Her painted nails were touching at the fabric and analyzing the color like it was a science that was way beyond Arielle’s head. 

‘’What do you mean sense of style? ‘’ The Fillorian ask, merely to fill in the room silence. 

‘’Well, Fen was looking at clothes like a necessity and not a way to express yourself,’’ Margo said, still not looking at her. ‘’ And it is fine when you are a farmer, but when you have people looking at you?’’ 

Arielle was not sure to understand the meaning and if it was an insult to her or not. Just like Eliot’s wife -how weird to think- she was born and raised on a farm. Probably sensing her silence, Margo turned and looked at Arielle with an amused smile. 

‘’Fashion is to be memorable, to say something without having to say it. Especially as a woman in Fillory. Most of my wardrobe is made so people can look at me and see I have the same power and strength than Eliot. More even. When I walk in a room, I want people to remember who they are talking to and not dismiss me as simply the High Queen. And Fen had to learn that she was not only Eliot’s wife. She was a fillorian who had her saying into the courts' decision. And it was not by humbling herself that she would do so. She needed to remind people that even if she came from a farm, she was royalty and meant to listen and reckon with. Though she went for a more romantic approach, I can see she did order dresses that are way more fitting her position than what she wears at first.’’ 

Margo pulled a deep pink dress with purple and gold ribbon. It was simple, elegant and yet so beautiful. Fen would look amazing in this, Arielle thought. And hearing Margo talk about clothes like they were more than a tool to cover yourself was quite interesting. Arielle never was someone to look into fashion and trends of the town, knowing the half of it was not meant to be worn in a farm and, also, would cost too much for her family to afford. She instead had had food on her table for her whole family than a pretty dress. 

‘’Is that why you and Eliot wanted me to change? So I don’t look like I come from Earth or I put my fillorians clothes on?’’ Arielle asked, coming over as Margo motion to her.   
‘’If we want the plan to work, yes. They have to look at you in one second and know you are not a servant. And I am sorry honey, but your other clothes would scream that next to Eliot’s and I. ‘’ 

Arielle undressed at the High Queen demand and slipped into the softest dress she ever wore. Margo turned her so she could lace her corset, which made her waist as small as it used to be before she gave birth to Rupert. The woman wonder if it was shallow to feel so much happy because of this. 

‘’Sit, you need to fix your hair and do some makeup. Have you ever worn any? ‘’ 

When Arielle shook her head, Margo smiled. Surprisingly. 

‘’I’ll ask Fen to show you. Now undo that braid and let see what I can do.’’ 

Arielle obeys and lets Margo start to pull up her hair slightly, looking at ideas. Last time Arielle had allowed someone to do this, it had been her sister, the day she’d married Quentin. Bitting her lips and trying to push the sadness away, Arielle looked up in the mirror. 

‘’Thank you, Margo. Really,’’ she said, wanting her to know that she was noticing the effort she was making. She didn’t have to be here or even agreed to Eliot’s crazy plan. 

Did almost dying had made her change her opinion on her? Or was she merely trying because she love Eliot and he’d ask her too? 

The silence in the room was long enough to make the mother wonder if she should have said something. Finally, Margo spoke. 

‘’Fen knew there was a possibility she would be in Whitespire, she prepared for it her whole life. You didn’t. ‘’ She said, after a moment of silence. ‘’ And you are part of our circle now, you must dress the part. And there is no way I am letting Quentin in charge of your style... ‘’

Arielle laughed, and she could hear Margo chuckled. This may be too tense to be called the beginning of a friendship. But it felt like a truce. And it was more than she could hope for.

****  
Arielle was in the kitchen waiting for the water to boil as Eliot and Margo were welcoming Idri and the stone queen in the boat. The young fillorian was nervous and could feel her hand tremble. She kept making sure there was no wrinkle on the pristine gown. Her hair was loose except for the upper part that had been braided so they would not hide her face. She was wearing face powder and eyeliner, her lipstick was pink yet made her lips shine. Even at her wedding, she had not been so pretty. 

Quentin’s phone was in her room, where Rupert was napping, so there was no way she could take a portrait so her husband would see. But by what had been Eliot’s reaction, she knew he would love it. 

Footsteps made brought her back to reality, and she quickly finished to arrange the cookies in a plate and put the warm water in a pot of tea that was waiting on a tray. Now the real challenge will be to walk up stairs with everything while wearing her outfit. At least it was not floor length. 

She arrived in the living room where a table usually full of maps had been cleared. Now seated on one side was Idri and the Stone Queen, on the other was Eliot and Margo. Never in her life, Arielle had felt so little in her shoes. 

‘’Ah, there she is.’’ Exclaimed Eliot, a wide grin on his face motioning to her. 

Arielle tried to calm down. Thinking that Eliot’s plan will work and he knew what he was doing. She wanted to believe him. But she knew him as this stubborn man doing an impossible puzzle and worrying over Quentin. Now he was avoiding her husband, and he was High King. It was hard to believe that Eliot didn’t change at all. 

‘’Sorry for the delay,’’ Arielle said. ‘’I thought it would be nice to have tea. ‘’ 

She put the tray on the table and started to take the teacups to fill them up. She prayed the Gods nobody was seeing her hand trembling. 

‘’This will be lovely. Thank you very much.’’ Idri said in a deep and soothing voice that couldn’t stop her to blush. ‘’Eliot was saying you were the wife of King Quentin.’’  
‘’I thought he was dead or something.’’ Scuffed the Stone Queen before Arielle could answer. ‘’We know he is never at court. And that Queen Alice is still alive apparently.’’

Alright. She did not like this woman at all. Forcing a polite smile on her lips, like she uses to do to rude customers at the peach farm, Arielle gave the Stone Queen a cup of tea before pouring another one to Idri. 

‘’This is why he was not seen at court a lot,’’ Arielle said, repeating what Margo had told her to say earlier. ‘’He had been searching for a way to bring Lady Alice back.’’  
‘’And let's say the fewer people The Fairy Queen could control, the better it was.’’ Agreed Eliot.   
‘’I am still not sure if I believe you about this part of the story.’’ Admitted Idri, putting sugar in his tea. ‘’ Prince Ess told me he didn’t saw any.’’  
‘’Because Ess didn’t make a deal with them.’’ Reminded Margo.  
‘’And I can vouch for them on it, the fairies are there alright. It is why we went to Whitespire in the first place. The Fairy Queen and I have a long relationship.’’

Arielle was politely listening, serving everyone. But now that she had done her work as a good hostess, she had no idea where to go. What was the protocol for royalty during a talk with another land? Was she even allowed there? Eliot put his hand on the chair next to him and motion her to come. With a blush and feeling out of her element more than ever, she sat down next to him, Margo to his other side. 

‘’Which add another layer of nonsense of your request to pull back our advancement on Fillory. ‘’ Idri said  
‘’All we’re asking is that we pause the invasion.’’ Said Margo waiving a hand in the air. ‘’As soon as we clear the fairy bullshit - ‘’  
‘’Deposed rulers don’t get their throne back. ‘’ Cut the Stone Queen. ‘’They exile themselves or die at the hand of the mobs.’’

‘’Is that how you talk to your allies? ‘’ Margo said in a colder town, slightly leaning toward the other queen. At this moment, Arielle understood what the power Margo was talking about. There was something in those few words that was saying how she was ready to kill, to conquer, to overpower. It was impressive and terrifying. 

Arielle drank quietly. The moment they talked about Lorian advancing at the border, her head had spun over Eamon, who had given his life for his country. Has it started like that? With five people around a table, drinking tea and pretending they didn’t loathe one another? Was that all it took for her brother to go to war? Did he die for a battle of ego and plot of land, and not for the safety and wellness of their citizen? 

‘’We had a deal Idri.’’ the voice of Eliot said, bringing her back to the present conversation.   
‘’And you are not a king anymore, Eliot.’’ Replied to lorian monarch. ‘’And without magic, it Loria has the advantage over Fillory. It makes no sense to withdraw when I know we’ll succeed.’’ 

Eliot's shoulder seemed to lower down a little, and Arielle was not sure why. Was it because whatever deal he had with Idri was over? Or because he knew his plan was about to fail. Not that it was correct, but saying something with confidence was all you needed for the audience to believe you. That’s something Eliot had even taught her when they had been both at the market, and he was showing off his skill to lower price. But there was a difference between the cost of flour and the war between kingdoms. 

‘’You, girl. What’s your name. Arielle.’’ Said the Stone Queen, breaking the tense silence that had fallen around the table. ‘’You have the face of someone that wants to talk. So say what you have to say.’’  
‘’I don’t think I should say anything about this discussion.’’ Said Arielle, trying not to panic. They had agreed that she only had to say a few things and most of the time to stay quiet. Their plan was already not doing so well and married or not to a king; she was in no position to talk about the actual state of politic in the land. The only reason why she knew about politic back in her time, it had been because of Eamon being in the guard and giving them news. ‘’The High King and Queen should be the one making decisions right now.’’  
‘’You are not a Queen, but you still have something in your mind. I can tell. So talk. ‘’  
‘’I’d be interested to know what a Fillorian think of all of this.’’ Agreed Idri.

Panicked, she looked at Eliot who looked back at her. All those nights huddled against one another around the fire, promising to protect each other while helping Quentin to stay afloat. All the love and tenderness they had between one another at The Cottage. It came back to her. She looked into the eyes of the High King and understood that the Eliot she knew was not gone. Just hidden under a facade. And he was giving her permission to say what she had in mind. Despite knowing her temper. 

Arielle took a deep breath and looked at the Stone Queen and King of Loria. 

‘’I don’t want to sound rude or impolite,’’ Arielle said, shifting on her seat.   
‘’Go ahead, they know they are fucking us over anyway,’’ Margo said with a surprisingly calm voice. 

One again, Arielle wasn’t sure what was in Margo’s mind, but this would be for later. Now she needed to put her feeling into a coherent thought. 

‘’The Fillorians never needed the King and Queen to defend themselves. We can fight on our own. Having magic at our side is, yes, a good ally. But we can defeat you without any problem. In fact, we already have. ‘’

The stunt silent around the table came from both side, and Arielle understood that she had the attention of four of the more influential people in the land. But then she reminded herself that she was Quentin’s wife. And in this world, women could talk a bit more freely about their opinion than in her time. Even Idri inclined his head, asking her to continue.

‘’The reason why your people are on the floating island from the beginning came from a civil war where your people tried to take the empty thrones while the High Kings and Queens were fighting a battle away from the castle. Our people protected it and, when we won, instead of killing any traitor, High King Merrick spared your life. If you are here as a Queen, my lady, it is because the people of Fillory fought for their rightful rulers and accepted the mercy the High King was given to you.’’

Thank God for her history class in school. She still had a book about that war somewhere in the infinite bag Quentin carried around. She had brought it from the small library they had gathered at The Cottage over time. 

‘’And Loria had lost his main access to their wellspring by losing the war they had thrown over High Queen Yana. She might have been the last survivor of a dragon attack, and the timing had been perfect for Loria, but even when you killed her, you didn’t lose the war. In fact, her death brought back courage in the heart of thousands of soldier, and they pushed back Loria and guarded our land until another ruler came.’’ 

Arielle could still remember the joy of the courier that had to run around in the country to announce their victory over the Lorians. Arielle had cried. She might have lost her brother to this war, but it had not been in vain. In the end, they had won. 

The moment Arielle stopped talking, a small cry echoed from downstairs; Rupert was awake now. As if the gods were saving her from the furry of Idri and the Stone Queen. She looked at Eliot, asking permission to leave and he nodded.

His plan might still work after all.

‘’ Excuse me.’’ She said to the rulers before getting up and leaving the room. 

She almost ran to her baby who was probably upset and disoriented. It had taken her nearly two days to get used to waking up somewhere that was not The Cottage, and now that he was getting used to Earth, they were bringing him in a magical ship back in Fillory. The young mother worried she was putting her son through too much. 

She calmed down when Rupert settled in her arm, still holding his brown teddy bear. There was left over tears in his eyes and sleep was still claiming him. Yet he was trying to be awake. 

‘’It’s okay Rup. I’m here. I know it was scary to wake up in a place you are not used to. But it’s okay. Mama will always be here.’’ She cooed, kissing her son’s head and rocking him. ‘’Papa is having a big important talk right now. And he wanted to show you to important people. Would you like that? If you are scared of them, you can always stay in Mommy’s arm. Or Papa’s. Even auntie Margo... I think. ‘’

Rupert smiled, not understanding a word of what she had just said, but happy to hear his mother’s voice, his fear calming as he realized she came the moment he cried. 

‘’But first, phew, let’s change your diaper shall we?’’ 

*********  
Arielle was looking at Idri holding Rupert with a tenderness only a man who had been a father before could. The Stone Queen and Margo were whispering harshly on the other side of the room while Eliot presented Rupert to the lorian king. Idri had been only kind and polite to her and yet, she could not help herself to feel uneasy that someone that came as an enemy was holding her son. This could be the beginning of so many bad kidnapping plots. Probably sensing her nervousness, Eliot put his and on her back and, after a small breath, she tried to trust Eliot’s judgment. 

‘’I still don’t understand how this change anything?’’ Idri said, letting Rupert explore the fur of his coat and chuckling at his delight. 

This was a new texture for him’ they didn’t have the riches to own fur back in The Cottage. 

‘’Fillorians were revolting for two things; we were acting like crazy monarchs, and they wanted a fillorian on the throne. Now we have made a bargain with the Fairy Queen that enable every person on our land to see the fairies. And Arielle is a pure fillorian, making Rupert an excellent heir to the throne.’’  
‘’In theory, it was already the case with Fray. ‘’ pointed out Idri. ‘’And that didn’t stop the people to revolt.’’  
‘’Fray being our magically grown up daughter was not public knowledge, as I told you in our last letter. ‘’ Eliot said.

And maybe she imagined things, but she saw something in Eliot’s eyes that resembled sadness, or gilt. 

‘’And since then, we have learned that it was yet another lie of the Fairy Queen to spy on us. Fray does not share any blood with Fen or I. In fact, our.... our daughter never took her first breath.’’

Idri looked at Eliot with the understanding from a father to another. At that moment, Arielle could see that they were not talking to the king anymore, but to the men. And this had been Eliot’s plan all along. Showing Rupert was, yes, mostly to prove to them that they had solutions line up for every problem and it was a matter of time for them to be fixed. But now, Arielle could see how this was emotional manipulation in a way. And that part, she was not sure how she felt about...

‘’ Rupert is truly the only one in line for the throne, and we will celebrate him when we are back to our thrones. Which king Quentin and Queen Alice are actively working on.’’

Idri gave back Rupert to Arielle as the baby was becoming impatient and, pretending to get toys for her son; she left the two kings alone. She passed near Margo who had too much of a smile not to have the conversation going in the way she wanted. Feeling her part of the plan was finally done, Arielle decided to go to the Royal bedroom with Rupert’s toy and play there until the monarch finishes their business. 

Rupert was delighted to open a box of wooden blocks and get them out of the box before putting them back. It had been a favourite of his for quite a few time. And seeing her son so unphased by what just happened reassured the mother that he was still safe and sound. 

‘’Heir to the throne.’’ Mused Arielle out loud, looking at her son. This was something she had to get her head around. 

She never had Rupert for political reason. He was made out of love and desire to build a family. She will never allow anyone to make him feel like he was some pawn in a game he was not meant to be in. 

‘’What do you think of that Rup? Do you want to be the High King of Fillory one day?’’ 

Rupert looked at her and tried to put a block in his mouth, coating it with spit. Arielle chuckled a bit. 

‘’You’re right.’’ She said, taking out the wooden block of his mouth. Rupert was not pleased about that and went for another one near him to give it the same fate. ‘’How about we teach you to talk and walk first. Then we’ll do the adult stuff later.’’

She knew he didn’t understand. But the fact that Rupert was looking at her and just smiled while trying to eat something too big for his mouth made Arielle’s heart explode with love. He will be okay. Eliot would never allow anything to happen to him. Nor Quentin. And she would die before anyone would try to do anything to him. 

The Muntjac creaked and started slowly to rock from side to side. And maybe it was her imagination, but it felt that the boat was now comforting her. 

Maybe coming in this time had not been such a bad idea after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late updates. IRL life has been rough mental health wise but I adore writing that fic so Im kicking my but to update as much as I can. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the chapter.


	12. Quentin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Muntjac made sure that Eliot and Quentin can't avoid each other anymore.

Quentin and Eliot felt the Muntjac stopping in its track quite suddenly. Their body lurch and Eliot had to brace himself against the nightstand not to fall while Quentin facepalmed the door of the room. On the other side of the royal bedroom, they heard Rupert crying, probably startled which made Quentin try even harder to pull at the door to get out and comfort his son. Arielle was near and would do it, he knew that, but his dad instinct kicked in, and he had no logic right now. 

‘’This room as no lock Q’’ Eliot said, sighing behind him. ‘’If we are locked in this room, it’s because the Muntjac decided to.’’

Quentin grunted and felt the boat rocking side to side slightly, most likely trying to comfort Rupert and giving the young father nausea. 

‘’Fucking great.’’ He said, sitting on the chair near the vanity table. 

His anxiety flared up, knowing what was to come and he felt like vomiting. At least Rupert sobs had stopped by now. 

‘’I don’t know if we should blame Arielle or Margo for this one,’’ Quentin said, glaring at the door, wondering how could they have convinced the boat to lock them in a room with each other so they could not avoid one another. 

‘’A bit of both I’d say,’’ Eliot said, amused. But Quentin knew him too well not to notice the underlying tone of anger. ‘’As I was escorting Idri and the Stone Queen out of the boat, I saw both of them near the core of the Muntjac. They must have planned it after we officially named your son the heir of the throne.’’  
‘’Our son.’’ Corrected Quentin almost like a second thought. He had done it so many time during Arielle’s pregnancy and when Rupert had been born that it came out despite everything. 

There was a heavy and loaded silence in the room. Quentin continued to fix the door, unable to look at Eliot. But he heard the men sigh. The noise of a creaking bed gave him the indication that he’d went to sit there. 

‘’Our son.’’ Agreed Eliot. ‘’Arielle wanted to talk to you about it, but we had a short window and- ‘’  
‘’It’s fine El.’’ Cut Quentin, finally looking at Eliot. 

The king looked like he aged ten years since he was back in their timeline. The loss of his daughter, having lost his throne, almost losing his life and now this... it was a lot to take for anyone. Even Eliot. Yes, he had Margo to confide and understand his reality more than anyone. But there were things now, that only Quentin could understand. He had this privileged access to a part of Eliot that no one, not even Margo, could have. 

‘’I never thought about it since... I mean. Fray.’’ Quentin stammer, wanting to kick himself to bringing her on the subject. 

How to make thing even worse than it was by Quentin Coldwater. Eliot’s eyes were full of ghost, and he was not sure if he was thinking of Fen or his own grief right now. 

‘’Fen and your kid always was the aim to have an heir on the throne. I don’t think anyone expected Rupert to come in the portrait. And from what ‘Elle told me, your plan worked.’’  
‘’You should have seen Idri’s face when she served them a lesson in history and Fillorian previous war winnings. I think Rupert simply sealed the deal that we meant to be here for good.’’

If he were not on the edge of throwing up, Quentin would have burst with pride. His wife never agreed to be in Fillory’s politic and another life-changing event. She had accepted a simple life in a cottage not far from the peach farm where she could still work. And yet she had followed them here, was trying her best to get to know his friend and now was being heard by kings and queens. Not everyone could rise to the challenge, but he always knew Arielle had that kind of strength to achieve the greatest of things. 

‘’I think Arielle will be a great addition to your court.’’ he agreed.  
‘’You are never in Whitespire Q, she won’t live there either. She’ll live where you are. ‘’

The implication that Eliot didn’t even trust Quentin to try to be in the castle slightly more should have hurt him. But it was true that he rarely stayed more than a few weeks and only when he was needed., 

‘’It’s different this time. I won’t keep Rupert away from you. Plus, I think Fen would like to have Arielle as company, they seemed to hit it off. ‘’

Eliot smile slightly, his eyes wet with tears he was visibly trying to repress. 

‘’Yeah. I’d like that.’’ He simply said. ‘’It won’t be like at The Cottage, but we can make it work.’’

There it was. The acknowledgement of five years spent together, growing up, learning how to be lovers, learning how to be a family. How impossible it was for them to pretend that nothing had happened. They had avoided each other for this exact reason; they had to be apart, and it was killing them slowly. 

‘’Fuck, love that the Muntjac loves Rup,’ but it rocks when he’s upset, and one day I will fucking puke.’’ Eliot finally mutters, lying down on the bed, trying to act as nothing happened.   
‘’Oh thank god, I didn’t want to complain about it bout... yeah. ‘’ Quentin laughed, going to lie down on the other side of the bed, hoping his nausea would diminish that way. 

He rolled on his side, looking at Eliot. How many days had he woken up to this exact sight? Well, not really. Usually, Eliot was not in his royal clothing. And the worries on his face was about the puzzle, not about losing his kingdom and the loss of magic. Even now, as the High King was looking at the ceiling, Quentin felt Eliot’s mask slipping away slowly. 

‘’What are we going to do ‘el?’’ Quentin finally whispered. 

Those words were too heavy to be spoken out loud. 

Eliot closed his eyes and turned on his side to face him. His fingers brushing Quentin’s hair behind his ear like he did thousands of times. Though, usually, they were not trembling. 

‘’I don’t know,’’ Eliot whispered back 

Quentin grabbed Eliot’s hand who was going away and kissed his knuckle tenderly while looking at him. There was something in the taste of his skin and the deep breath his lover had that made Quentin feel his chest explode with thousands of butterflies. Those you get at the beginning of a relationship. After five years, this man could still make him feel like that. 

‘’Let’s get married,’’ Eliot said suddenly, as his eyes sparkled with a light that only a crazy idea could give. 

Quentin felt his heart skip a beat. 

‘’W...wa...’’  
‘’Idri confirmed that by him walking to war on Fillory, it was cancelling our engagement. I think he expected me to be sad, but I wasn’t.’’

Eliot smile was wild, his arm now enveloping Quentin and pushing him toward him, making the younger man having to half climb on his partner. Both hearts were beating so fast they could feel each other.

‘’And we are basically married. When you married Arielle, we also promised each other to be partners for life. If it’s not marriage, I don’t know what is. We need to make it official for the people here. In this time. ‘’

Quentin looked at Eliot, his heart racing, his head spinning, feeling the grip of the older man on him. The words he said barely registered in his mind. Only one thing did. 

‘’Did I manage to have Eliot Waugh to ask for my hand? ‘’ Quentin said, laughing of happiness. ‘’The same guy who, the first week we met, told me that steady relationships are for looser.’’

Eliot laughter joined Quentin. 

‘’Shut up and kiss me.’’

And he did. 

Quentin felt a shiver run down his spine as the taste of Eliot’s lips came back to him. Like a starving man in front of a meal, he devoured and exulted for this tasted he had tried to forget. It had been only a few weeks, but Quentin had started to tell himself that he would never be with Eliot ever again. And the pain it caused him led him to push away everything. Now he knew he’d been a fool. Never he could let go of his lover. He was his drug, his addiction. 

Eliot’s hand were possessive and needy. Not that he minded. If he could, he would melt into his lover’s arm. Their breath accelerated as the familiar rush of desire and lust was filling the room. But this time, they were not in the cottage, away from everyone and everything. Which made each kiss and touched even more meaningful. 

Soon they were undressed, and the older man was exploring each inch of Quentin’s skin with his lips and his finger. The sight of Eliot bend down between his leg as he was kissing the inside of his thigh was one of the most erotic things Quentin ever saw. If he hadn’t been already so hard, this simple sight would have done the job. 

‘’El’ ‘’ Quentin sighed ‘’Stop teasing.’’

This only made the High King laugh and give a long kiss at the base of his cock, promising the best work he could do with his tongue. Quentin sigh and groaned at the same time, his hand gripping the sheet. When Eliot’s mouth was around him, he swore like a sailor. 

Three orgasms and one languid lovemaking later, Eliot got up from the bed to get a towel and clean himself. He threw another one to Quentin before walking back into the bed to kiss his lovers’ lips. They both sigh with content. The moment Eliot was lying down on the bed, Quentin’s head went on his chest, wanting to hear his heart beating as fast as his. This had not just been sex. This had been despair and a promise of never avoiding each other ever again. A few weeks had been already too hard for them. Arielle and Margo had been right on that. 

‘’I still don’t understand how getting married would fix anything,’’ Quentin whispered, still catching his breath. He closed his eyes as Eliot started to play in his hair. 

It had been a long time that they could cuddle like that after a well-needed sex session. Since Rupert had been born in fact. 

‘’Because I got to know you Q’ ‘’ Eliot laughed. ‘’And I know that you need this statement to understand that, despite me being back on the throne, I still love you and want you by my side. Plus, it will make me off the market for other forced wedding which, honestly, is another bonus.’’

Quentin raised his head to look at his boyfriend, his hair falling into his face. A wave of anxiety washed over him when he realized that they were both kings and marriage was one of the rare political power they could have over others. Though, it had been used against them as well. 

‘’I can hear you thinking from here,’’ Eliot said, tucking Quentin’s hair behind his ear. ‘’Yes it will be a shitshow and another pile of problem. But I don’t mind. I love you. I love us. What we became at The Cottage.’’  
‘’What will Arielle think? And Fen?’’ Quentin asked, unable to let himself calm down. 

Eliot loving smile dropped, and a shadow came in his eyes. Quentin regretted immediately to have asked the question. But he also knew from too many fights with his wife that, a polyamory relationship was based on communication and lack of secret. 

‘’Let’s ask them then. Let’s talk to them. I know you are asking mostly for Fen because for Arielle it is like we already were married. But I’ll send a bunny to Fen to ask if she is ready to come back. And we will talk. ‘’

Eliot seemed to come to the same conclusion because his eyes found Quentin’s and he saw the light coming back. Seeing Eliot leaning on hope was still so new that it surprised the younger man every time. Even after five years. 

‘’ So...do I have to ask your hand to your wife’’ Teased Quentin, a smile coming back to his lips. ‘’Or you want it more unofficial.   
‘’Humph! I expect a grand demand with the knee on the floor and all this. Thousands of roses and two or three violins in the background. ‘’   
Quentin laughed and scooted up so his lips could find his boyfriend...his fiancé. At this exact moment, Arielle opened the door and walked into the room like it hadn't been lock earlier. Rupert was napping against her, wrap into a scarf that gave the mother both her hand while still providing the comfort of her presence. 

‘’Dinner is ready. ‘’ Arielle simply said, unphased by both men, naked on top of each other. ‘’Eliot can you go tell Margo? She is in the secondary royal room downstairs with Alice, and I heard noise coming from there that most likely says they were having the same fun you two had. ‘’

 

Quentin and Eliot were already dressing up. Despite being in a floating boat in the fillorian sky, this felt so much like a moment at home that the anxiety he’d felt earlier was gone. Or at least, had quieted. It only took him a few seconds too late to realize that Arielle was implying that Margo and Alice were sleeping together?! Really?! How did that happen? 

‘’And there is no way I am going into that room. ‘’ Arielle continued. ‘’I will be killed by both of them, even if I don’t interrupt anything.’’

Eliot laughed and nodded, putting back his shirt. He walked toward Arielle and kissed her head; she fixed the crown which was slightly crooked. Then he left. Quentin took his place next to her and went for a kiss on the lips. She eagerly answers. 

‘’Did you only slept together, or you actually talked.?’’ She asked. 

If he didn’t know his wife so well, he would have never seen the worry hidden in her voice. Quentin stokes lightly at his sleeping son’s hair before looking at his wife. 

‘’We talked. ‘’ He said  
‘’and?’’   
‘’I think we should wait for Fen to have a discussion the four of us.’’

Arielle beamed at him which made him wonder how little fate she had had on them to include Eliot’s wife into the conversation. It felt like Fen might have shared some frustration with his wife that none of the boys were aware of. But that was a worry for later. For another time. 

Right now, he just wanted to continue to ride the bliss of a good fuck with Eliot and the promise of Arielle’s cooking. The Cottage might be gone from their life, but it didn’t mean they couldn’t have those small moments that felt like home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know its a bit late and I am so sorry for the delay but the muse was gone for so long I had to force myself to write and I am not half please with what happen but hey...its better than nothing! Thanks to Rae and Spooky for your help and much needed cheering up. 
> 
> Love, Cath


	13. Fen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happen when despite your best efforts, everything still hurts?

Fen was looking out the window, trying to see in the dark of a nearly cloudless night. But beside the shadow of the trees behind them and the reflection of a nearby stream, there was nothing to tell them where the Muntjac was. If she was correct with her calculation, they were getting near the Chatwin torrent, but she could be wrong. All she knew was that this magical boat had managed to remain unseen and avoided attacks since it started to fly and it was quite an amazing thing. 

Being in a land where a boat could fly was not as different from Earth and their airplanes. But as amazing as Earth was, Fillory was quieter and slower. Fillory was home. It surprised the young woman how she had missed it. Maybe because wherever she was, Fen knew that her pain would follow. Running away from it was only harder when it caught you up. 

I think this is a reminder from the Gods to show you the strength of your empathy. Fen had reminded herself of Arielle’s word over and over during her stay on Earth. When she wanted to be mad at the fairies and yet save them. When she spat her hatred at the Fairy Queen to make her keep her people. If it was the Gods helping her through her grief, she wonders which Gods it was. Because those she used to pray had been killed by her husband and his boyfriend. 

Fen heart clench and she took a deep breath, trying to use some of Julia’s advise and breathe profoundly and through her mouth. Just like Quentin does when he is on the edge of a panic attack. 

She wished Julia was here. 

The noise of dishes coming from the kitchen made Fen look away from the window and come back to reality. Which in itself was a small blessing as she was feeling herself spiralling in a dark part of herself? 

‘’Oh sorry!’’ Exclaimed Arielle’s voice before the young woman appeared at the kitchen door. ‘’I tried to be quiet, I didn’t want to bother you. ‘’

Fen smiled at the grimace of apology Quentin’s wife gave her and shook her head. 

‘’Nothing to apologize for, I was just lost in my thoughts.’’  
‘’Yeah I figured. After the talk we just had.’’  
‘’Hhm.’’

Fen pursed her lips, trying to push away the wave of emotion that was rising. If she opened that door, she was so worried about being drowned by them. 

‘’I was making myself tea. Do you want some?’’ Arielle finally asked.   
‘’I’d like to.’’

A few minutes later, both women were seated at the dinner table, a pot of tea between themselves. Fen had brought butter cookie that she’d put on a plate. Mostly by habit -that is how she learned to serve tea, always with something to eat and dip it in- but also because sugar always made her feel a bit better. 

‘’One day I’ll make you scones,’’ Fen said, nibbling on a cookie she just put in the warm tea. ‘’It’s something from Earth my teacher used to give me when we drank tea together. It took me forever to get the recipe from her. I don’t make them often enough. ‘’  
‘’Your teacher was from Earth?’’ Arielle asked, intrigued.   
‘’ My main teacher was yes. But she had a lot to do outside of the school, so it happens a lot that I joined other classes to continue my studies.’’  
‘’Your school had more than one class? Where is it? The school I went to was near the peach farm I grew up in. So where were in the middle of nowhere with not a lot of kids.’’

Fen smile, happy to talk about a part of her past that was not tainted by the pain of her last year. This simple exchange over tea was such an essential part of her education. It was so beautiful to finally be in a setting where she knew her role, what she had to do and how to act. There was something comforting about going back to the basic of her knowledge.

‘’Which peach farm? There is not a lot of them in Fillory, I might know it.’’  
‘’Uh, The Lanclair’s. That’s my maiden name. It’s near - ‘’  
‘’ Barillon. I know. They are our provider at Whitespire, their farm there is known to be the best peaches and plums of Fillory. ‘’  
‘’Really?’’

Arielle surprise and obvious delight reminded Fen that she was a fillorian of the past. Years before The Chatwins and The Beast and every horror that came with it. In a Fillory of her ancestor. 

‘’My dad bought the farm with my mom. I... ‘’ Arielle laughed slightly, playing with her hair. 

It was the first time Fen saw her without a braid or a hair bun. They were loose and wild. Everything a farm girl, and not the wife of a king, should look like. 

‘’It’s nice to know it lasted generations. It was my dad’s greatest wish.’’

There weres ghosts in Arielle’s eyes that made Fen understand that the subject might be too heavy for the young woman, especially after the talk they had with Quentin and Eliot. 

‘’Where is Rupert? ‘’ She asked, trying to bring the conversation to something lighter that would snap the young mother out of her mind.  
‘’Taking a bath. I told his dads that for once, they had to work a bit. I need a break.’’ Arielle laughed slightly. ‘’Not that they seemed to mind.’’

The image of Eliot on his knee in front of the bath while washing a nine months old was so strange to Fen that it made her smile, amused. She felt the pang of hurt in her heart as well. But she decided to focus on the happy feeling. She’d given too much to her own sadness lately. 

‘’So, how do you feel about...’’ Arielle’s head gave the nod in the general direction of where the boys would be. ‘’I wanted to check up on you.’’

Arielle used the old tactic of drinking before answering a question so she could gather her thoughts and make a coherent answer.e It had been one of her first lesson in etiquette classes. 

‘’I am not surprised that Idri called off the engagement, I might, but I feel more than often, Lorians do not come to term with their promise,’’ Fen said looking at her tea than at the girl in front her. ‘’I am surprised that our kings are willing to remove one of their strong political card of the game, but it will make a statement that they are here to stay and assure Rupert’s place on the throne. The people were not pleased with the idea of marrying into Loria. I think having a husband from Earth will be better received. Better him than the other, you know. ‘’

Arielle nodded, listening quietly while nibbling on her cookie. 

‘’Alright, that was your courtroom answer. But what is the real one?’’ Arielle asked, an amused smile on her face.   
‘’I don’t think I understand,’’ Fen said, frowning. She did believe everything she just had said.   
‘’It was an amazing analysis of the pro and cons of Eliot marrying Quentin and what would be the repercussion on our family and how people will react to it. Honestly, that you can see ahead of this situation is amazing to me, I could never see things this way.’’

Fen stopped herself from saying that it was due to a lot of hard work at school and quiet listening in the courtroom while people were debating. Knowing the political climate had been necessary to her when she was a FU Fighter and even more after she’d married Eliot. But whatever the reason was, the woman knew that it was not Arielle’s point. 

‘’What I want to know is how you feel.’’ Arielle continued ‘’Fen, the wife of Eliot, the fillorian, the person. I think we both got the talk of what our place was as a wife and you must have had a longer one about being the wife of a king. But if there’s one thing I learn by living with Eliot and Quentin, is that they don’t believe in the silence obedience. They wanted to know what I thoughts and how I felt. Even if it meant me being mad, getting into fights or even crying. They told me that marriage was a partnership and not power struggle.’’

The more Arielle talked, the more Fen felt a smile spread around her face. Something heavy on her heart was alleviated. Maybe they didn’t have a different relationship with Eliot as much as she thought. She let go of the jealousy she had been pushing away. 

‘’He gave me the same kind of speech a few days in our marriage,’’ Fen admitted, giggling. ‘’I was trying to do everything I was thought to do to be a good wife, and he told me to relax. He said we were partners but to be honest; he never cared about what I had to say or how I felt about things. He only started to show concern when I was taken away by the fairies.’’ 

Fen knew she was harsh. Eliot cared about her. In his way. In her locked room in the fairy realm, she had cried many tears and accepted the harsh truth that he would never love her. And she had to stop trying to make him fall for her. Never, she will be married to someone for love. From the moment she was born, it had never been the plan. And accepting that, made her love her daughter even more. If Eliot did not love them, she would love twice as more. 

Then thing change. Eliot left. For a few days. Years for him. And it was not his age that had to change him. It was love. It was Quentin. Someone Fen had known her husband was lusting for. That had been quickly confirming by Margo. And seeing him coming back with a family had just made things worse. She wanted to hate him. It was not Arielle’s fault if she was into this. And Fen tried to remind that to herself every time she felt jealousy wash over her. When she saw Rupert calming down after clamming Eliot’s arm, she had wanted to scream and cry. That night, she went to bed early, found a whisky bottle and read Fillory and Further book one. 

Those books were terribly inaccurate by the way. 

But then the truth came. The one where Fray was not hers, was not theirs. And Eliot came. He was there. He held her. He apologized and even promise to be a better husband. He told her how much his time in the other Fillory had made him realize how badly he treated her. How much guilt had washed over him many times over? How he made a promise to himself that, if they ever came back, he will try to be a better husband. They had both agreed that love had nothing to do between them. But Eliot told her about the respect and deep care Arielle and him shared while loving Quentin. And he asked her if something like this could work for them. Not passionate love. Another kind of love. A quiet kind. 

Fen’s heart had been broken that day, but those words had been the beginning of its restoration. She was still hurting over the loss of her daughter. But now, she believed Eliot when he said he was sad too. And when he hugged her, it was not because he had to, but he wanted to. Even him asking her to come had been such a sign of progress in their relationship. When Quentin asked permission to marry her husband, her heart exploded. But not of sadness. Of gratitude; it had been the first time that they asked her opinion in something that would affect her personal life. 

Fen took Arielle’s hand and put a small, reassuring pressure on it. Yes, she was confused and not sure how she could feel so many contradictory emotions at the same time, but there she was. And she never felt more alive and more herself. 

‘’I’m glad that he found someone he loves,’’ Fen said. ‘’Things will be strange at the castle, and I admit I am confused about how the mechanic of the four of us is quite complicated, but for the first time in my life, I feel that I have a place in this marriage. Not only by Eliot’s side but at yours as well and at Rupert’s. It’s terrifying, but the Gods sent me the fairies on Earth, so I could learn how to heal through my hate and my pain. Maybe this is another of their way to show me how to build a stronger and better family.’’  
‘’The plans of the Gods are always clearer after they happened.’’ Agreed Arielle, quoting one of the many passages of their religion’s literature. 

Oh, how good it was to be able to talk of the gods and being understood other than on an academic level.

At this exact moment, the air became warm like the kiss of sunlight on your skin during summer. There was a noise like a bird flying through the air rapidly and -

‘’Amber’s ass!’’ Swore Arielle. Jumping slightly as Julia appeared next to her, as she had always been there.   
‘’Hi.’’ Said Julia who seemed to be as surprised as them. 

She was wearing her pyjamas, a toothbrush in her hand. Visibly, she had not decided to travel here right now. 

A bit of confusion and a laugh later, Fen and Julia were on the deck of the Muntjac, looking at the horizon and the moon drawing its pale light on the lake. Arielle had been requested by Rupert for his bedtime, leaving the two woman together. 

‘’You said you felt us?’’ Fen asks, confused.   
‘’It’s hard to explain. It’s like I knew you two were talking about your faith. And what he deeply means to you. It’s like... Since we freed the fairy yesterday, I feel I can understand things in people I couldn’t before. Like a telepath for emotion. Across the universes.’’  
‘’An Empath. ‘’ Nodded Fen. ‘’I use to go to school with a nymph that had that gift. Though she had to touch the person to feel it. To feel us from Earth to Fillory... this is huge Julia.’’  
‘’I know. I feel this means something. Like an approval of what we did. I told you my power felt bigger when I helped people. Maybe this was bigger than we can ever imagine.’’

Fen nodded. Still trying to wrestle with the idea that she help the same people that had to kidnap her. But then she remembers Skye. She was so far away from the Fairy Queen or any fairy she’d ever encounter that it felt wrong to put her in the same evil category. Maybe she should try to blame those who hurt her and not an entire race. 

‘’How are you.’’ Finally, Julia asked. They had exchanged, but Fen knew this was a real check up on her and not a polite way to start a conversation.   
‘’I...I don’t know? Confused and sad mostly. ‘’ Fen laughed and sat on one of the rare benches of the deck, feeling her energy drained from her. 

She had been holding it together because she had to. But not with Julia. Never with her. 

‘’What did Eliot wanted? It seemed urgent in his bunny.’’ Julia asked, sitting next to her.   
‘’ He and Quentin are getting married.’’ She said in a sad laugh. 

Julia visible surprise reminded Fen that she was Quentin’s childhood friend. He must have wanted to tell her in person. Putting a hand over her mouth, she felt shame washing over her sadness, unable to feel horrified to have cause other troubles. Julia didn’t open a lot to Fen, but from what she glimpse, she knew that she had been hurting and working so hard to bring back Quentin in her life. 

‘’He didn’t tell me for his first marriage, no surprise he isn’t for the second one.’’ Julia laughed, putting a hand on Fen’s leg and tapping it lightly. 

Fen wanted to point out that Quentin had been stuck in the past when he married Arielle and there was no way he could have told her. But she saw the eyes of the young magicians and smile a little, understanding the hidden message; it’s alright, you didn’t do anything wrong. 

‘’You know you can be angry right?’’ Julia said, cocking her head on one side.   
‘’I am not - ‘’ 

But Fen stops herself from lying. Because Julia was right. Underneath de sadness, the confusion and the pain, there was anger. A rage that she didn’t allow herself to explore. Not after how she’d yell at the fairy queen. 

‘’I am not angry at that.’’ Amended the fillorian. ‘’I’m... I’m angry at Arielle. I don’t want to. She is really nice and makes an effort for I feel included but...but she has everything I was promised; a husband who cares for her, a baby to cuddle, a family to love. And she managed to build that with Quentin and Eliot. And it’s not fair. I worked so hard to be part of Eliot’s life. To be his wife. To be there for him. I was there at the worst of his withdrawal and pretended to sleep when he needed to cry at night because he felt lonely with all his friend on Earth. I carried a child he might not have wanted but that the kingdom would want and would prove him as a good king for Fillory. I ended up being the pawn that made the fairy bring back the well and save his life. This trade that Margo made. What if that was what killed our daughter? Who knows what would have happened if I had stayed in Fillory. Eliot only started to care when it affected him. Then he goes away without even telling me he is leaving and come back pretending it’s been five years with a family, a baby and a new fiancé. This. Is. Not. Fair.’’ 

Fen was crying. Deeply. Her heart felt like exploding. She felt that everything around her went still. Even the wind had stopped so the leaves in the tree could listen. She was admitting to everything she promised herself to handle silently. But when someone like Julia, someone who actually listen to your pain, ask you how you are... No force in the universe would have made her able to lie. 

She was not alright. She was heartbroken, jealous and still grieving. 

‘’Thank you,’’ Julia said, stroking Fen’s back gently.   
‘’For what?’’ Fen asked, still crying and yet laughing at the idea that she just got thanked for breaking down and saying everything she should have kept inside of her. It was her burden. Not others.  
‘’For admitting this to yourself. ‘’ Julia said. ‘’Something I learn too late in my own pain was that to name what hurt is part of the healing. And...when you left I knew you might not have been ready to come back here. So thank you too for continuing to fight despite everything.’’  
‘’This makes no sense. You know that right?’’  
‘’Maybe you see this as giving up. I see it as admitting that everything fucking sucks. And it does.’’

This time, Fen chuckle was for real. Julia’s follow right after. 

 

‘’Fuck the world, fuck the rules. Fuck fuck fuck fuck.’’  
‘’Fuck fuck fuck fuck,’’ Fen repeated, laughing, her eyes full of tears. It felt nice to swear as they did on Earth. Something was liberating into being angry out loud. 

And Julia had found the perfect place; outside of the boat. While everyone was inside and getting ready to sleep, she could yell at the moon, and no one would hear. Both women were now standing at the center of the deck, ready to scream until the sun come up. 

‘’yes!’’ laughed Julia. ‘’Be angry!’’  
‘’Fuck the fact that I was told all my life that I didn’t get a say of who I will marry. Fuck the fact that I went to school to learn how to be a good wife. Fuck the fact that despite everything, it never made a difference. Fuck all of this that told me what to be and not who I was.. aaaarg.’’

That’s it. That what really hurt. It was not about being without a family or in a loveless marriage. It was that all her life she had been told to be at the side of a High King, provide a family and be present for him. Never it had been questions of who she was. The only time this desire to be someone outside of her duty had been in as a FU fighters. And still, they had used her, use her position, to almost kill Eliot. His death would have been her fault. Nobody every care of who she was and who she wanted to be. They only care about who she had to be and what they could gain from it. 

Julia opened her arm and Fen dove into them, her sob starting all over again. They stayed in this embrace a long time. All the time it took for the fillorian to calm down, for her tears to stop, for her anger to fade. The pain in her heart was still there, exposed to the universe. And yet, it felt different. Like a wound right after you put medicine on it. It still hurt and yet, you knew it was getting better. 

‘’I need a drink’’ Fen finally said.

She felt herself laughing, mostly out of fear and vulnerability. She felt so raw at this moment. Like never before. And she needed to gain her composure. To go back to a sense of normalcy so she wouldn’t crumble without being able to get back up. 

‘’I’m pretty sure we can find something in the Muntjac,’’ Julia said, releasing her embrace and wiping gently the last tears of Fen’s face.   
‘’Can you stay the night?’’  
‘’I wouldn’t think of go anywhere else. Plus, I already got my toothbrush. ‘’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience I struggled a lot for this one and might have cry writing most of it.   
> thanks for the nice messages and kudos  
> I love you all  
> xx


	14. Julia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julia felt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay, I had such a dry spell. But i kicked my butt and did a thing. so hurray!

 There is a weird moment when you wake up that have you still sleeping still aware of what you are doing. Julia was fighting the wakefulness, knowing it was way too early to be awake; Rupert first cry of the morning just echoed in the boat meaning it must be near sunrise, too soon for her taste. Especially after having talked with Fen most of the night.

Trying to force herself back to sleep, Julia felt the spark of magic inside her glow and grow in a comforting, heartwarming way. It was a bad thing to say, but parts of her like the idea of her having magic and none of the Brakebills student having it. It was her first year into magic but in reverse. But that Julia, the old Julia, would have celebrated and even enjoy this sweet revenge. The Julia she was now, the one that discovered her greatest strength was forgiveness, this Julia wished everyone had it. They all had paid a hard price in this quest to find it back, and it was starting to wear people out. Despite the deep bond it had created between them, they were all tired, hurting and in need of a break.

And, at this moment, Julia felt it all. Felt everyone.

She felt Fen, sleeping in the bed next to her in the crew’s quarter. She felt the turmoil of the last few days she had. Between decided to lean into sadness and anger for once in her life and helping those who had broken her, she was not sure how she should feel about fairies anymore. Julia also felt how the young girl felt Fillory wasn’t truly her home anymore, how the last years in Whitespire had made her realize how her kingdom was broken. The FU Fighters she once had been a member of thought that a fillorian on the throne would fix everything, but now she understood how narrow vision this was. There was so much injustice in their world that was never the fault of the Children of Earth, and since the kidnapping, she had lost any will to fight for a world she once loved enough to sacrifice her happiness in a blind marriage if it could save it. The deal that made her Eliot’s wife had not to work; the blade had not killed the beast, in fact, it had been useless. And now that she didn’t need to provide an heir for the throne and that Eliot had found happiness with Quentin, she felt so meaningless next to everyone that, it was becoming hard to find a reason to get out of bed. The bitter jealousy she had toward Arielle was now sadness over the idea that she would never have been loved. At least, Quentin loved Arielle. Eliot never loved her. How could they all pretend this marriage would be equal and fair when she had been loosing since the beginning. Julia felt the part of Fen that wanted to run away and hide from this madness. But she was known as the High King’s wife, and wherever she would be, she would be in danger. She was stuck with Eliot. And he was stuck with her. Part of her wishes she could be at least friend with him. Like he was with Arielle. But this felt like the same stupid hope she’d once had about having Eliot actually desire her. Julia was heartbroken at how deep her friend’s sadness went and how she never value the woman that she was; the woman that held a knife to Dust and ordered to tell him why he’d kill a fairy, that was the real gem in Fen. It was just hidden in a lot of hurt and years of other peoples telling her what she should be or should do. Now that it was in the open, Julia promised herself to continue to polish that gem until Fen realized all the potential she had. In her magical and mental reach, Julia sent a wave of love and strength.

In her bed, Fen sigh slightly. Julia opened her eyes. In her sleep, the young woman was smiling. Julia smiled too.

Never had Julia even been able to read so much into one’s emotion. She always said she could understand Quentin when he closed up on her, but that was different. She could see all the thing Fen didn’t answer. Maybe didn’t even know she felt. It was like she knew everything she was and she could be. And it filled Julia with such warmth that she decided to try again. Closing her eyes, she tries to find the same energy and find someone new in the Muntjac; it landed on Alice, the third person in the cabin’s crew.

Flashes of her time in Margo’s cabin came to Julia’s mind, and she would lie if she’d say it wasn’t hot. Apparently, Alice and the High Queen had a second round after dinner, but both of them were not emotionally capable of staying the night together, so once they had their orgasm, Alice had come here to sleep. Though she felt the small part of her, that wishes she’d sleep in Margo’s bed, in Margo’s arm. It was not love. Not at all. But for the first time since she was back as a Niffin, she had felt something with her new body that was not linked with Quentin. This body that was not hers and that she was wearing like uncomfortable clothes, it had been hers for a moment, for an hour, for the time Margo’s mouth and finger made her shiver and curse. And it had nothing to do with Quentin which was great. She hated herself for keeping those feeling for Quentin when she came back in human form. Even when they had broken up, Alice still had love, Quentin. She just loved herself more, and his betrayal had been too much for her. She always was jealous of his connection with Eliot and knowing they had slept together while high on emotion just said everything those two stupid men couldn’t speak to each other; they were deeply in love. Alice felt like she was just a replacement since he couldn’t have him. Worse, something to get distracted until the other is available. But the ending had been worse, they all got hurt and, if the Lamprey was right, Quentin still felt something for her. Had felt who know what he was feeling about her now that he had not only Eliot but a wife and a child. She had to give up on Quentin. Sleeping with Margo had been the first step. And, from what she understood, Margo had needed it as much as she had.

And now that she had decided on her feelings on Quentin, staying around him, around his friend, felt stupid. She knew half of the people in her circle of friend tolerated her because she was a package deal. Now that she decided to be her own person; who will indeed show up like her friend. Did she want a friend? Should they even try to have magic back? It had hurt them all so bad — her the most. Julia could feel the deep pain that Alice felt as magic consumed her flesh and turned her into a niffin; it was worse than burning alive. It was every cell of her body exploding in thousand of magical parts. No wonder she never felt right now that she was back in her body. Julia pulled away from Alice’s mental bond has the memory of the pain played over and over in the young girl’s mind. No wonder Alice was angry and sad all the time; she was still re-living the most traumatizing experience of her life. If people could see that, feel that... would they be kinder to her? Would they understand that she, too, had PTSD and that maybe, Alice needed the same compassion they’d given to her?

Shivering, Julia tried to send a wave of calm and comfort to Alice, but she was not sure it went through. The blond girl’s wall was pretty solid. 

Images of Margo and Alice made Julia inquired toward the High Queen's feeling. She was surprised to be able to feel anything at all; Margo's walls were as thick and high as Alice's. But for a small moment, as she was deep in her sleep and unperturbed by Rupert's cries, Margo was unguarded. And the amount of repressed emotion over washed Julia who stiffens a sob as she started to feel them all at once; anger, sadness, loneliness, jealousy, confidence, fear, joy and post-orgasm bliss. Most of her feelings were easy to decode. Even for Margo herself; there was a genuine fondness for seeing Eliot and Quentin finally together but part fear and anger that she had been replaced. She had promise Eliot to give a chance to Arielle, after everything he'd tell her about the fillorian, but it was hard not to see this new addition to their group as a threat. She had been worried about Fen as well at the beginning but realized that, as much as Fen was self-driven and opinionated, she had been raised in a world where women shouldn't have a say and where only quiet actions could be made. She had understood that Fen could be an ally, not a foe. And of course, because she was afraid of letting anyone in that was not Eliot or Quentin, she had made sure to screw any chance of friendship she had with her with the whole fairy thing. Fen had said that they had to move on if they were to continue to be together. But she had been too aware that Fen had not talked about forgiveness. She understood. But was not ready to forgive. And as someone who was good with holding a life-long grudge, Margo understood. But the High Queen was trying hard not to be hurt seeing Fen and Arielle bound so quickly, not only over Rupert but over their shared experience as Fillorians; she knew she was not good at making a friend. Never was. Quentin and Eliot had stuck with her despite many atrocities she threw at them and the self-loathing part of her, the one she tried not to listen, believe they stayed due to the residual of their 39 timelines. Just like Eliot being attracted to Quentin. Or her to Alice at the beginning of the blond's first year.  

With Rupert being officially heir to the throne, Margo knew she would have to make sure that, just like Fen, Arielle had a say in the council. She was trying to improve women's power and ability to talk into the kingdom and casting out Quentin's wife wouldn't be the best political move. Despite what her jealous heart was saying. At least Eliot was back. And she really wanted to believe him that she was the reason he continued to do the puzzle despite the almost impossibility of finding the key. That Eliot had been ready to sacrifice his own happiness, his own beauty in life, so he could be sure she was safe and out of danger. Since he was back, he had been a great help. Even when they were overthrown, his surprising desire to fight to live had pushed her to want the same. The heart to heart they had just before they went to the infinity waterfall had been something she replayed over and over in her head. And shit she wanted to believe him. Was there such a thing as an un-romantic soulmate? If so, that was Eliot for her. He was her's, and she was his. Whatever other love story and family they were thrown into; they would fight and die together. And that is what she reminded herself every time she felt jealousy or sadness when she saw her best friend holding Rupert with a love that was unseen before. 

And now more than ever, she needed to be strong and believe that Eliot would sacrifice his happiness to come back to her; they were about to take back their thrones, and she could not have a minute of doubts. So her worries of Fen and Arielle, of Quentin and Rupert, of Alice's behaviour, of Julia's power, everything had to take a step back. She needed to focus all her energy and fury toward the destitution of Tick Pickwick, and by the dead gods, she will.   
This time, the wave of calm Julia sent to the aching heart of Margo worked, she felt some of the sadness go away. Maybe it would last only during her sleep, but if it was a bit less of troubled sleep, it was a victory.   
Exhausted mentally and magically, Julia fell asleep, wondering if she could try to reach Kady from here. She was worried about her friend, and the arrival of Penny 23 would not help. Maybe she should follow Quentin and Alice on Earth this morning and go check on her. But first, she would indulge a bit more in her own sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays to everyone, Love Cath


	15. Margo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Margo walks back to the Muntjac after talking with Fray and the Fairy Queen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry about the wait. Inspiration had left me only to come back and make me write 4K in two days. Hope you enjoy!

 Margo was about to get out of the pub she had been in for the past three hours. It was almost closing time, everyone was mostly gone, and Fen and Eliot clearly wanted some time alone with Fray after she helped them reaching the Fairy Queen. She was starting to get a headache and honestly, staying longer in this wet animal scented barn was not a priority in the list. Sighing, she began to walk the path toward the lake where the Muntjac had landed to let them out. Hopefully, the boat will still be there and not doing some flying laps into the air until they were all back. 

She was dying for a long bath, and Josh was supposed to arrive soon with their grocery list. If everything went well, by the end of the day, she would be in warm water, drinking wine from Earth and macaroon. But honestly, when did thing went right in her life? Not one day like those had happened since the Fairies had taken over Fillory, and now that they were so close from a solution to the last key and that fucking fairy bitch refused to help, she knew hard time were ahead of her. 

''Margo? Aren't you staying with the others?'' 

Margo turned around to see Humbledrum walking toward her. He seemed in a good mood, most likely from having Eliot's blessing, and came to her with a smile, which wouldn't be terrifying if he wasn't an actual talking bear. 

''I think Fray deserve a bit of time alone with her parents,'' Margo said, not wanting to explain again the fuckery the Fairy Queen had a pull on them. 

The Fairy Queen had a lot to apologize for, but Margo wasn't sure if, despite the alliance, Eliot wanted to do, that bitch didn't deserve a good old beheading for how she treated Fen.  Even she couldn't bear the idea to do that to someone, and in her days of Brakebills, she was known as a Queen Bitch. 

''That is what I was thinking too. Where are you going?''

''I don't think I can tell'' Margo said in her patented fake laughter that meant she had to stay polite when she wanted to say to the person -or bear- to fuck off. ''Sadly, some people still think we are traitors, and Tick Pickwick is banking on it. Some people want our heads for the money reward more than to have their actual ruler back.

''Pff, if Pickwick thinks he will be a king of mine, he is mistaken. A great leader shouldn't have to betray someone to have power. It is given to him, by the gods or by the people. ''

''So you think the election idea we were talking about is a good one. ''

''A strange concept. I am not sure everyone I know will want to pretend they know who is better to lead. What if they are mistaken?''

''Can't be as bad as what we have in the US. '' Mumble Margo, shivering at the idea of living in a world where a lying Cheetos was president. Her escape and crowning to Fillory had been timely on that. 

''Sorry? I didn't understand what you said.''

''Nothing, Simply that now everyone's demand would be heard by those who seek the thrones. And if they don't want to discover the Infinite Waterfall, they will have to stay true to what they say to the people. Otherwise, they don't last long in power. 

Margo was arriving at a crossroad where she would have to go towards the forest to get to the Muntjac, and Humbledrum didn't seem to mind where he was going. She knew she had to stay friendly and polite, if not for Fray, for Eliot. As a High Queen, it would have been easy just to say he should go and order him to leave her alone. But she was talking about elections and promises to a potential voter if she was the rude bitch she was some time, there was no way she and Eliot would gain back their thrones. 

That is when Margo noticed the blond hair and small frame of Arielle picking something in the grass not far from the road. For the first time since... forever, Margo was actually happy to see her; she would be a great decoy to either leave her alone with the bear or make him go away. She adopted a pleased and surprised expression on her face, hoping she was not doing too much, and wave at Arielle. 

''Arielle. Over here! What are you doing.'' 

Margo was internally sighing when she saw the blond girl was wearing some of her Fillorian clothes. Not only they were not the best of fashion, but she'd hope Fen had given her a quick class on what she was expected to be and look now that she was the wife of a King. Ex-king. Future King. Quentin. She should scold herself for feeling judgmental of someone's attire when she was trying to show to Fillory that a woman's choice was as good as a man and that she was free of doing -and wearing- what she wanted. But she looked so... so... normal. Like the farm girl she was. And she knew too much that Whitespire hadn't changed that much that it would not be noted by the court. 

Arielle, smiling, walked toward them holding a basket with fruits and herb. That would be a nice change from the pigeons and fishes they have been eating for the past weeks. 

''Hi! I... I was about to find you at the pub, but I found a patch of wild berries and stopped to get them, I haven't had those in years.''

Margo nodded, not really caring, ''This is Humbledrum''  she said presenting the bear next to her. ''We met at the bar, he is Fray's boyfriend.''

The wide eyes and lack of colour in the girl's cheek meant what she fears; coming from the past, Arielle must be one of those people who does not think animal and human should mingle. She saw the grip of the girl's finger on her basket tighten slightly. She was visibly trying to process the information. This was not unnoticed by the talking bear. 

''If you are to say anything bad about our relationship, please do not talk. I do not like humans lecturing us on the do and don'ts.''

Arielle looked at Margo with a mixture of fear and confusion, and the Queen wanted to scream not to say anything that would make all this time spent with Humbledrum meaning nothing; she didn't say anything though, but must have made a face because the fillorian's face was slowly gaining back its colour and she was politely smiling.

''Oh no. It is not that. I just... I have heard a lot about you; I never thought I had the chance to meet you. '' Arielle said

Humbledrum either beams with pride or shrug it off; it was hard to read the body language of a bear. But he laughs and smiles. Which was still terrifying but at least, made the awkwardness of the moment go away. 

''Bah, don't be like that. You are a friend of the High Queen I see; you should be more honoured in her presence than mine. '' Cackled the bear. 

Arielle's shoulder relaxed, and Margo let out the breath she was holding. Nice lie girl. She had to give her that. 

''She is always honoured. '' Teased Margo, linking her arm around Arielle's. ''Now if you excuse us, we must continue our way to the ship. ''

Humbledrum seemed to get the hint that he couldn't see where they would go and nodded. 

''It was a pleasure to meet you, Arielle, if you want to talk more, we can always get a pint at the pub. '' He said

''It would be delightful. When things have calmed, I will message you.''

''And Margo,'' Continued Humbledrum ''I want to thank you again for stepping up for Fray and me in front of her father and mother. I hope what you said was genuine. ''

''It was nothing, my dear. As long as you two are happy and consensual, there is no point for me to have a judgement. ''

Once again, the bear either shrugged or beamed. After a small bow that both women replicated, he left. The moment he was far enough, Margo audibly sighed and let go of Arielle who seems to calm down as well. 

''Does Eliot's not-daughter is dating this bear?'' Arielle asked, astonished. 

''Yeah. Eliot even gave his blessing.''

There was a pause in which Arielle blinked and fixed her braid. 

'' Alright. ''

''I was going back to the ship, Fen and Eliot will come back soon. Do you want to come? There's no point to go at the pub anyway.''

Arielle was visibly shaken, and she bit her lips, hesitating, looking at the road toward the pub, then the way Humbledrum left. It was strange to see the woman without Rupert around her. She always had seen her not far from the baby, but now that Quentin was back on Earth with Alice and Julia, he had decided to go to his father with him for a while. Seeing her with her basket and peasant clothes made Margo realize that, besides being Quentin's wife and Eliot's.... something, Arielle was a human of her own. Not only a mother and a wife. Which was easy to categorize that way, since Fillorian woman seemed to do it by themselves. Fen was slowly starting to understand that she could be her own person and be a wife. And Fen was quite modern and forward thinking by fillory standards. 

''Uh. Josh came back and had a grocery, and I was going to Barion to get him something he forgot to bring. ''  She said, shifting from a foot to the other. 

''We can send a bunny to Q, he'll bring it back when he comes.''

''Oh. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't think of this.''

Arielle nodded and looked at the road than at Margo who was puzzled by the girl attitude. She was hiding something, but she knew her so little that she hadn't the slightest idea what it could be. So she did what she always does in this situation; stay silent, raises an eyebrow and wait. Silence, she had discovered, had way more power than any persuasive speech. And Arielle caught the meaning of it because she sighs, her face becoming redder by the second. 

''My...My family's farm is not far from here. And I know I won't see my brothers or my sister but... I am just curious to know who and how it is handled now. '' She admitted, looking down. 

Margo felt her heart ice over as she understood that this girl was not only from the past but had a family. One she seemed to still be in contact with, contrary to most of her friend who had either no family or didn't want to do anything with them anymore. The High Queen tried not to think of how Quentin and Eliot must have convinced her to make that sacrifice and what the girl felt because Margo had her own inner turmoil to manage that she could not get in any others mess. Trying to stay distant from Fen's pain had been hard and almost impossible but what made her be able to do it was the reminder that if she leaned into sadness, she too would fall and cry. And more than ever, Margo needed to be strong and fight for this mess to be over; winning would soothe some of the pain of Eliot's wife was. She hoped. But now she understood that she would have to avoid Arielle's baggage too. And it was not so simple since she became essential to Eliot. 

Maybe Alice was right. Arielle was a menace for everyone mental and emotional stability, an anomaly in a quest that was too big for them. And perhaps she should have stayed back in time and let Eliot and Quentin go forward in their quest and not take their focus away from it. That was a cold way of seeing it, but she could understand the blond magician point of view now. 

''And... to be truly honest.'' Arielle continues as Margo had stayed silent, trying to understand her feeling about the whole situation, and not as an act of passive-aggressive demand for an answer. Not that it hurt but still. ''The house where I lived with Quentin and Eliot isn't far either and I....''

Oh no. Oh no no no. There were tears into the girls' eyes. Margo was not good at that. Girls and emotion. Nope. Last time it happens, she ended up sleeping with Alice to make her feel better, for at least a few hours. And that was not something she could do with Arielle. Not at broad daylight in the middle of a road anyway. 

''I am not sure why but I need to go. To see. I need closure. Of that part of my life, our life. You know.''

She knew. In her first summer after her first year at Brakebills, Margo had flown back home to California to get her things. Her parents had been absent -no big surprise there- but as she was going back to the airport and ready to stay with Eliot in an apartment he found in Manhattan, Margo had to look back to the mansion her dad had bought probably with blood money. And saying goodbye to that part of her life made her be able to become the new Margo, the one her and Eliot were working on creating, next to the new Eliot. Two blank slates, starting over. But she had that need to go back home — one last time. 

''Do you want me to come with you? Or you want to be alone?'' Margo finally asked in a soft and calm voice that she only used for Fen before. Like talking to a wounded animal that might flee if scared. 

''What do you want? I don't mind the company, but I doubt you want to take a pleasure walk into the past.''

The way she was able to read a situation and make a subtle but snarky comment about it made Margo realize why Eliot liked Arielle. The High Queen sigh, wondering what was worse; doing this or going in the boat. Honestly, she'd spend too many days in it and had felt claustrophobic, a walk outside and away from it wouldn't be the worse thing that could happen today. 

''Lead the way'' She simply said, and the young girl nodded and started to walk in the same direction Humbledrum had left. Thankfully they had waited long enough that he was nowhere to be seen down the road. ''Did you ever heard of that bear or you pulled that out of your ass?'' 

''Totally lied about that. '' Admitted Arielle, giggling. '' From the look, you gave me I understood that it was not the time to talk politic and drove the conversation toward him. Bears are proud animals but love attention. I figured it would be the same from him. '' She looked at Margo who was nodded approvingly. ''We had a few talking animal customers at the peach farm, you learn how to deal with them with time.

''You looked like you were about to faint when we talked about Fray and the bear.  I take that you are not for interspecies relationships. ''

''Are you?'' Arielle asked, a bit surprised. '' I mean... I know Fillory is a bit more progressive allowing woman at the court and all but...''

''All I am saying is that if it makes them happy, who am I to say no.''

''You are the High Queen of Fillory. ''

Margo genuinely let out a bark of laughter. Touché. Usually saying that meant you had no power on the decision, and when she gets back to her throne, she will. 

''I mean my opinion doesn't matter. On Earth, some who makes and enforce the law are against two boys being together, or two girls. Three person marriage is rare and mostly impossible. Their opinion of the kind of relationship that should be seen not only hurts people who don't fit the mould, but create a layer of people who think they are better than others. That's where problems arise. ''

Margo couldn't stop thinking of Tick Pickwick who kept talking about fillorians like they were stupid peasants with no opinion and only lived to serve the crown or to be walked on. It was hard not to laugh at his outburst because, even if it was a stupid and egotistical way to see the world, he believed every fibre of it. The High Queen had seen more than once Fen closing her fist out of rage as he was degrading workers and farmers of the country. Having a knifemaker's daughter on the council had helped her much more than she would ever admit; it had kept her grounded and reminded her that their actions and the way they saw the fillorians had an impact outside of the castle. Sometimes, it was easy to forget fillorians that were not near Whitespire. Fen was a constant reminder of that. 

''From how Quentin's father reacted, I gathered that our situation was strange. I wonder if he will even tell him that he and Eliot are now engaged. Ted was already confused by the idea of the three of us being together. ''

''That's what I am saying. Wouldn't you be hurt if he said that the way you live your life is wrong and not allowed? It is what is happening to Humbledrum and Fray. ''

Arielle nodded, visibly starting to understand. 

''I am not saying you should try interspecies relationship yourself. All I am saying is if it's something other likes, why not at least accept it as part of life? ''

''That, I think I could do. '' Arielle said, her eyes raising toward the road, visibly lost in her internal turmoil. Margo understood that it was enough for the day; after all, at first, Fen had needed time to understand a specific concept or point of view.

There was a small silence that had nothing uncomfortable or slightly passive aggressive — a pure pensive silence. This was rare in Margo's life. Was she letting her guard down or was Arielle the kind of person who is good with silence? Fen was one like that. Maybe it was a fillorian thing. 

The High Queen made a mental note to herself that she should stop comparing the two woman against one another. 

''So... The thing about boys not being allowed together, is that why Eliot and Quentin didn't date before the mosaic?'' 

''No. Not really. Where we were, it was accepted. Mostly'' Margo said,  bit amused. Maybe gossiping about the two boys that link them could be the best way to bound. ''They were just up their ass about it. Eliot... was not the kind of person that would want a steady relationship when we were in Brakebills. And Q got a girlfriend, so the crush ended there. ''

''Alice right? Eliot was still jealous of her back at The Cottage. ''

'' Really? I'm not surprised. He was so mopey about it.'' He had been when Quentin went to Brakebills south because it was written in the star that those two would fuck before the end of the agony that was that place. Then Mike and Eliot forgot about his first-year boy. And Mike broke his heart and the small bit of sanity he had left.  ''Then we went to Fillory and, well, he got married. So yeah. It never happened. Nothing concrete anyway. ''

Margo decided not to talk about the threesome because she didn't want to put her boys in trouble if they had not talked about that part of their story. She didn't regret doing it, hell, it had been good and rather pleasing. But she knew it had been a mistake, one that almost tore their friendship apart, one that hurt Alice more than she'd expected. For hurting her friends, that she felt terrible. 

''It so strange, to imagine them not together. I always knew them like that. Doing the puzzle, bickering, sleeping. Sometime I would find them sleeping and half-naked on the mosaic when I did my selling in the morning.''

Margo's guilt was slightly tamed by the image of the two boys half naked on the floor after a good fuck. This must have been a sight. She was about to ask more question that she didn't dare ask Eliot when a large house with an orchard was near them; Arielle was looking at it too intensely not to be her family's farm. Her wet eyes were the confirmation. 

''Come, it's better to rip the bandaid at once than doing slowly.'' She said, grabbing the young girl arm and walking her toward the house. 

''What's a bandaid? ''

Margo didn't answer, laughing lightly and did what she always did before; she had to be strong, so someone could let themselves be vulnerable. As they approach, they saw a man leaving the house with a large box while someone else was opening the door. He waves at them, a large and bright smile on his face. From the apron and the rolled up sleeve, it was easy to understand he was the owner of the place. 

''Well good day my ladies. Hope you have not travelled too far to come here! I must warn you that the tour of the orchard is closed for a couple of days while the workers are picking the goods! We had better years, but our tree still gave us some fruits to grab. Come in, come in, we still have lots to offer in the bakery and Ma' is cooking canned goods. '' 

Happy that he was talking to himself and not asking for their names, Margo and Arielle followed him wordlessly. Arielle put her hand on the one Margo had over her arm. She was shaking. She gave her a small pressure, unsure of what to say. 

''It is good to see that despite the drought, your trees have flourished,'' Margo said, engaging in a boring conversation about the weather that would probably end up in some mansplaining about how does a tree grow their fruits. But it kept the man busy and gave time to Arielle to walk around the small shop silently, lost in memories, and not bring suspicion. 

''This used to be the house, but grandpa' turned it into a bakery and he went living in a house not far from here. But now we built a third floor. That's where my family is, we.....'' 

Margo had tuned out the baker who was still happily telling her life story, looking at Arielle who was now openly crying, a smile on her face. To pretend they came for a reason, and because she didn't have fruits for over a month, Margo went to a display of peaches and plums and asked for a price. 

Arielle was a hard, and they barely paid anything for the fruits, pastries and jar of jams. 

''The grandpa' was my youngest brother I think. '' Arielle said, walking further away from the farm, eating a carrot muffin. Margo was eating a plum and, damn, they were rather good. Why did she expect to taste poorly? ''He... We had a hard time to find out what to do when we found out the key. Whatever the solution, one of us had to sacrifice everything. Quentin wanted to stay with me, but it became clear that it was not a solution if the quest had to continue. And raising Rupert alone, without his fathers... I couldn't bear the idea. So Elias stepped up and said he'd wait for the girl who was supposed to get the key first. And... well he did. Otherwise, we wouldn't have the key. ''

Margo wonders what feeling it must be to be able to count on your family, to have one that loves you so much it push you toward a better life — not dragging you down with their drama. Having someone who was ready to sacrifice everything for you, she only found that in one person; Eliot. Not before. 

''He... Even if he was a boy, he loved baking. He came at home sometime and baked with Eliot. I am so happy to learn he turned part of the farm into a bakery, I... I was so scared that he would give up his dream for that and...'' 

They had to stop walking because Arielle was shaken with a sob. Putting down the basket full of goods, she put her hand in her face and cried. Margo instinct told her to run and not look back. But she also knew that this instinct was mostly protection. She was not good with girls. With feelings. With tears. She turned hers into anger and determination to be the best, a drive that made her survive her bullshit life. 

So she did what she did with Fen. She took the crying girl in her arm and let her have her emotion. She was not trying to promise impossible things to soothe her. The fillorian had made a choice, and she had to deal with the consequence of it. And not everyone was easy to dismiss their family as she did hers. 

''I'm... I'm sorry. I didn't want to cry in front of you. It's just... It's just....'' Arielle sobbed and cursed. Which surprised and made Margo frown of concern turn into a soft smile. It was nice to try not to cry in front of her, at least Arielle didn't misread her for what she wasn't. '' It is so hard to be here. And...The boys are....'' 

She was unable to talk, but Margo understood. 

''Quentin and Eliot are idiots that can only focus on one problem at a time — and telling everyone to focus on the quest instead of you having to face everything that is happening to you and your kid. '' Margo said, fixing Arielle's braid that had came undone while she was sobbing. The young mother nodded, visibly relieved that she didn't have to explain herself. ''The boys are idiots.  And I know she might not show it, but Fen is the best ally and ear you can have here. If she didn't want you or the baby around, believe me, you will know.''

Both girls laughed slightly. Margo wasn't sure what was funny, but the tension built in the past few minutes was gone now. 

''One sure thing, you are allowed to have felt and express them. I suck at handling them, but you should do it anyway. Maybe to someone better.'' 

Arielle smiled and wiped her eyes, smiling through her sadness. Margo felt her own eyes water up which mean she had to shut down any rising emotion she was feeling right now. Fuck she needed wine. Or Eliot. Or both. 

''Being a woman and a mother doesn't silence you. Never. Whatever quest we are in,  boys don't get to have their problems more listen than ours.''

''Okay. '' Arielle said. Thank fuck she had stopped crying. Margo felt the numbness of emotion taking over, bringing her back to herself. She could not let her personal feeling get in the way.  Well, she could. But she would never allow it. Queen or not, that was never how she handled her own emotions. 

''Do you want to continue to go to the cottage?'' Margo asked, grabbing the basket that was on the floor. 

Arielle looked over the road than at Margo and smile. Her face was wet from the tears and yet brighter than it had been all day. 

''I think I am okay.'' She said. ''Why don't we go back to the ship and open a bottle of wine Josh brought back.'' 

''Only if we get to gossip more about Q and El. ''

''Of course! What is a glass of wine between friends is made for but to gossip.''

Margo was taken aback by the word Arielle used. Friend. Maybe not now. She didn't give her entire trust to anyone that easily. But she could be in the same grey area Fen was, one where she couldn't be herself entirely and yet, they could ally, confidante, adviser. A reminder that despite everything she was proudly claiming to be, part of her might be able to have people near her that were girls. Friends. Maybe. One day. Why not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the reviews and kudos. They are what keep me wanting to write this fic.


	16. Arielle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for some gossips between wives before Margo's crowning

Arielle was woken up by movement in the bed next to her, which was a first since she had travelled through time and space with her husband and his partner. They have been quite busy, and Quentin had tried to sleep next to her as much as he could, but there had been several nights where she had been alone, Rupert in his crib next to her.   
But this morning was different. And despite being in the bed of the ex-High King of Fillory, the woman found herself awaken by the others around her. Apparently, even kings bed are not made to hold four people if they aren't widening magically. Sleepy, Arielle turned and looked at Quentin and Eliot getting ready for the day, trying to be quiet as much as they could. 

Rupert was in his own room now. It was next to theirs, and there was a handmaid by his side at any moment. But it had been the first time that he was under the same roof but not in their room, which had been useful with the torrid night they just had, but quite unnerving for the young mother. Maybe she should wake up to and see him. 

''Did we woke you up?'' Quentin whisper, strolling towards her, his blouse open. 

Royalty suits him well. Arielle smiled. 

''It's alright, nothing I am not used to.'' She whispers tried not to wake up the only sleeping person in the room. 

Quentin smiled and leaned for a kiss. The young women had some memories of the night they spent, of his lips on her and his hand making her moan. She sighs and pulls his half-open shirt so he would be closer. Quentin, slightly surprised, gasped and keeled on the bed to deepen the kiss. She barely heard Eliot chuckle in the back. 

''Sorry to interrupt, but if we are late the first meeting of Margo as a High King, I think she will behead us. Literally.'' Eliot said, pushing Quentin slowly away as his hand had started to wander on his wife's naked body. The older man kissed her forehead as she pouted in protest. ''Go back to sleep, we will check on Rup' after the meeting. You've looked over him since we got back in our time, you deserve some sleep.''

''But- '' She protested, but Eliot put a finger on her lips to silence her. With a soft smile, his finger lowered slowly on her chin and her neck before he bends for a quick and innocent kiss on the lips. 

''No but. You stay in bed as long as you want. Fen will help you ease up in the castle later today.''

Arielle smiled and nodded as she lowers herself back in the bed. Eliot pulled the cover over her and kissed her forehead once again before motioning to Quentin toward the door, as the younger boy was finishing dressing up. There he was. The Eliot that she knew. The Eliot that cared, and love and was thoughtful. The Eliot from The Cottage.   
She closed her eyes and fell back asleep within seconds. 

It was hunger that woke her up, more than the feeling of being rested. Despite having to eat quite a lot since they landed at Whitespire, her body was craving for more food. And there was a smell in the room that was just divine. Groggily opening her eyes, Arielle yawned and pulled the sheets over her chest as she saw two handmaids with plates and Fen in a silk purple dress talking with them. When the servant was gone, the fillorian noticed that she was awake and smile. 

''Oh, good morning. Well, afternoon.'' Giggle Fen. ''Did I woke you up?'' 

Without any shyness, she gave Arielle a blue silk robe and let the girl put it on while going to grab the plate that just arrived.

''The smell did,'' Arielle said, putting the robe on and trying to understand how the modest girl from the night before was now so bright. ''What time is it?''

''Past noon,'' Fen said, putting their breakfast on the bed and sitting in front of Arielle, with a grin. ''I woke up not too long ago, it is nice to sleep in for once.''

''I don't think I did that for the past nine months.'' Admitted the young mother. 

Both girls laughed, and Fen gave her a mug filled with coffee. By the smell of it, it wasn't fillorian. It might be the only thing she liked about that place. The coffee. She will never tell her boys, but she hated Earth. It was loud and noisy. Their carriage was too many and too fast. Their lights too bright even at night. There were too many people in too little space. She liked the quiet slowness of Fillory. It was like going back to a river after spending a month in 

''I brought some beans from Earth,'' Fen explained, reading Arielle's mind. ''I want to talk to the cook and ask him if he could try to make the Pizza they are so fond of back there. ''  
Arielle felt every inch of her body wake up as she drank the first sip of the warm liquid. It was impressive that Fen had even remembered to put the milk and sugar she'd like, having said her preference only once before. She was not used as those kinds of small gesture beside Quentin and Eliot. It dawned on her that now, she will have to accept those act of random kindness from Fen too. She was part of their family after all. 

''How are you feeling?'' Arielle asked, after a second sip. ''I know yesterday was a lot for you. Especially after the banquet. ''

Fen became all shade of red and pink that made Arielle smile. It was maybe a strange subject to talk about, but being in a polyamorous relationship had taught her that communication was the best way to avoid unnecessary fights and lingering sadness. She grabbed a handful of grape and ate them. 

''I...uh...'' Fen ate too, making sure her mouth was full, so she didn't have to talk for a few seconds. Good tactic. ''I mean, I did not expect to finish it this way. But if I am honest, I needed it. ''

''I don't want to force you into anything. I'm used to jumping in when the boys are already busy. I realized after that it was new for you.''

''Well...it was surprising. To be honest, I didn't expect any of you would want to have intercourse with me.''

''Why not? '' Arielle said, sincerely baffled. ''You are one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. And I'm not just saying this. It's one of the first things I thought when I saw you.''

This time, Fen blushed so hard she hid behind her hand for a second, giggling. 

'' Plus Quentin's totally into you. I know my husband enough to know you're his taste.'' 

''Umber's hooves stop!'' Laughed the woman. ''I guess... I don't know. Eliot was never sexually into me. I learned it rather quickly and the hard way. I gave up a while ago to be intimate with him. It just never came to my mind that it would be acceptable to be with Quentin or you. ''

''We are a family. Which means the bad things, but the good things too. And the boys don't get to have all the fun. You can too. I do too! Sex isn't their right and not ours!''  
''We did have fun.'' Admitted Fen, smiling. ''I'm so grateful Quentin stopped when he realize I was not ready to go further though. ''

''Yeah, those boys are amazing at listening to your boundary. Though its fun to play with them, I'll show you next time he's tied up.'' Arielle laughed, remembering how it had been trilling the first few times she had seen her husband pull against his restraint as Eliot and she were teasing him by touching each other. Making him go mad with lust always ended up with him giving her the best orgasm. 

''But I can't believe Eliot never did that to you! I think it was one of the first things Quentin did on me. It's an Earth thing I know but by Hades, his mouth!''

''Oh Gods! I never came so fast. I might have to ask him to do it again t be sure it was not a fluke.''

''I swear to you it's not. His tongues do miracles.''

Both girls spend the early afternoon in bed, eating their breakfast and talking about their sexual adventures and their juiciest secrets. It was nice, for once, not to have to take care of a baby and be able to be herself. She was not a mother, but a woman. And she had forgotten how it felt. Something told Arielle that tonight, they might repeat the amazing foursome they had. After all, the boys were leaving soon to go back in their quest, and Arielle wanted to touch them and be with them every minute of it. 

***

There was a lot of thing as a Fillorian, Arielle never expected to live. And then she met Quentin and Eliot and her life change. Not only the open their arm to their love and their family, but they created one together, they worked for a quest that seemed impossible, they had a son despite their first pregnancy ending in miscarriage, they travel through time and space, she became a Lad of Whitespire as her son became the official heir and her husband took his place as a king next to his life partner, High King of the land. She talked diplomacy with worlds leader, discovered the legacy of her family. And now, she was applauding as a woman was walking toward the throne of the High King as the first elected leader of Fillory. It was dizzying to think that the fact the least strange in all of this was that Margo was a woman. Between the talking animals voting her in and the peaceful uprising for everyone to accept cross-species relationships, there was a lot that didn't make sense for Arielle anymore. And yet, for the first time since she arrives in this timeline, the young mother felt that she had a place somewhere in this world. She was not just floating around, waiting for Eliot and Quentin to come back so they could settle somewhere; that somewhere was here. In Whitespire. 

During the afternoon before her coronation, Eliot and Margo had dictated what would be the change in Whitespire and how the power transition would happen. They made sure Tick Pickwick wrote every letter of it as he was still trembling to know what would is fate would be. Until further notice, Margo would be High King and the other royalty would be named after magic would be back. Eliot and Quentin were still to be considered as part of the court, with the same privileges as Kings of Fillory minus the crown and the power to change the laws and take action in the name of the crown. Fen would still stay in court and the council, Arielle would join her as well in the responsibilities. Their voice would have the same weight as anyone else, regardless of gender.

On that part, Arielle had heart palpitation just thinking about the simple idea that she could speak to the High King of Fillory and it would even slightly matter. She has never entertained the simplest idea that it would be a possibility.

Rupert would still be the official heir to the throne. If something happened to Margo, he would have to be legally an adult to reign, his mothers serving as rulers in the meantime. His fathers would also take the place of kings and help rule the country. Eliot had explained that Margo didn't even think twice about making sure that Rupert's title. She didn't want to be pressure to have an heir like he had to endure.

''It took her a bit of pushing, but she grumpily admitted that she found Rup' adorable. Auntie Margo loves him.'' 

Back at The Cottage, Eliot always said of Margo that she rarely says how much she loves you and care about you, her language of love was the gesture and intense feeling of protection she would have for you. This had reassured the young mother more than she would ever admit out loud. Margo was on the same level than Quentin, when it came for Eliot to care and love. It was essential that she accepted and agreed on their family, for the dynamic to continue. Margo seemed the kind of person that was able to move mountain and worlds to get the thing that she wanted, which was a fantastic quality as a High King. A terrifying as her enemy. 

Fen had told Arielle later on that it was a way to put a truce between the two of them. Margo was hard to warm up to people, but this was her way to say she was now part of the small circle of people she cared. It was not friendship. But something like it. 

''I don't know where I stand with Margo too'' Admitted Fen. '' I was not at a place to listen or talk when I left, and we focused on the quest and the election since then. I think it will be something we will have to figure out when the whole Fairy thing and Magic thing is over. ''

And now, Arielle was next to Fen, wearing the most beautiful and expensive dress she'd ever worn, addressed as a Lady of Whitespire, cheering as their High King was climbing the stair of the throne room for the first time. On the other side, Josh, Eliot, Quentin and Rupert were also clapping. Well, Quentin was holding Rupert on his hips and looked at him lovingly as the baby was imitating the room. His cries of joy as he clapped were echoing the room but made the rest of the crowd smile too. It made the coronation less solemn and more like a celebration which it should be. 

The Era of High King Margo had begun. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for everyone patience and kind encouragement. This is the last chapter, we only miss the epilogue that will be posted within the end of the day! 
> 
> love, Cath


	17. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last night before Quentin, Eliot and Margo leave to do the last chapter of their quest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end. It is sad because I adored writing it despite de dry spell. But with season 4, I know I will continue to explore this timeline! Yep, there will be a 3rd fic following our character and Arielle and Rupert during what happens in S04. Of course, I will wait for the season to be further along to start, but I have a base of what I want to do now. 
> 
> So keep an eye open on my future fics and thank you for following me and my crazy ideas

 Arielle was on the balcony of Quentin's room. Her nightgown was one of Fen, and it felt strange to wear such nice fabric merely to sleep. But it was one of the hundred of privileges and new things she will have to learn to accept. Looking at the fire of some house lighting the horizon, the young mother tried to take a moment to thank the gods. In a small prayer, she thanks them for letting her, a farm girl, end up in Whitepsire, with a family that was growing and that was trying so hard to make it happen.   
Quentin needs to touch her and to make her feel like he didn't forget he had been amazingly pleasant since they got here, but at this rhythm, they would have another mouth to feed, and she was not sure she was ready for a second child knowing Eliot and him away.  Handmaids and helpers will be great to give her time to go at the council meetings and attend some task Margo might ask of her, but she wanted to be there for their child. And she wanted her baby to have a fatherly presence in his life. He was not only the heir. He was Rupert. Her Rupert. Her son. The ultimate proof of love between her and Quentin. 

She thanked the Gods for this too. 

'' Aren't you cold?'' Quentin's voice echoed in the room, and Arielle turned to see her husband smiling, his eyes full of mental exhaustion that she knew too much.   
She will have to ask Eliot to look after him when they leave for Earth. She was not sure he was taking his poultice regularly anymore. And it was not the time to have another depressive episode. Alright, there was never a good time for that, but this moment was even more crucial. 

''A bit. '' She admitted, walking inside and closing the door. ''But I couldn't help going to see the view. It's breathtaking.'' 

Quentin finished to undo the button of his shirt, and she helped him pull it away. A sly grin came on his lips, and he went for a kiss that she could not deny him. But she stopped when she felt his hand lowering over her ass. 

''How was the talk with the Fairy Queen?''

''Good. Margo is talking with Fen about the crown duty when we will be gone.'' Quentin sighed and stepped away so he could continue to undress. Arielle sat on the bed, looking at her husband with love and pride. He was not the nervous ball of a boy he was when she met him. He was a man. A father. A king. A husband. He was hers. And she couldn't be happier.  ''Eliot is discussing the last arrangement with the Queen for her people to move in. We will have the key by the end of tomorrow. I decided it was a good time to hide and come see you. ''

Despite having silk nightgown and the softest of fabrics, Quentin pulled a pair of underwear he had from Earth. Not that Arielle minded, it did a marvellous job to show the curves of his ass and the promise of rather large manhood. 

''Does Margo realize how big of a gesture it is of her to crown a Fillorian as her second in command. It never happened before. Her and Fen are making history.''

''She acts like it's not a big deal, but I know Margo too much to know that this isn't planned. She always fought for the place of woman here; this was the biggest fuck you she could do to men like Tick.''

Quentin came and sat next to her, a tired smile on his lips. His eyes were full of worry. She kissed him, hoping it would calm him for the few seconds it lasted. 

''So you are leaving tomorrow?''She asked, trying not to let the fear and the sadness showed. 

But he knew. Because he too, was sad. They had both agreed earlier that it was best for her and Rupert to stay in Whitespire. But the heart wants things that can't be tamed by logic. And Arielle tried to follow them to the end of the world to find magic. But she couldn't. For Rupert, she had to stay. For Fen too.

''Most likely,'' Quentin said, putting his head against hers. His breath was warm but shaky. She put a hand on his cheek. 

''Don't be too long'' She merely said. 

Quentin Coldwater looked into her eyes with the same love he had the day they got married. With a small side smile nodded, then kissed her. They made love most of the night. Eliot knew they needed their last night together to be alone. Arielle made sure to kiss every inch of his skins, to be sure that he would not forget her while he was away. At that, he laughs. 

''How could I ever forget you.'' He told her, kissing her, making her shiver with his hand and his tongue. 


End file.
